Fall! Pumpkins! And finally celebrating some good news…
- At September 24, 2017
- By Jeannine Gailey
- In Blog
- 0
So, I couldn’t really celebrate or enjoy the good news earlier this week (Field Guide to the End of the World won the Elgin Award for full-length poetry books, and Neil Aitken won for chapbooks!) because I was so distracted and miserable with the effects of the steroids. So note to self – steroids have some serious downsides that just left me so sick feeling, sleepless, and yes, that ‘feeling of impending doom’ is a real thing – that I’m just now finally processing the good news today as I’m finally feeling like my body is not one big terrible pain. So, hooray, finally!
Also, Robert Peake will be hosting Neil and I on an International Podcast called Transatlantic Poetry in a week on September 30 where we’ll be talking speculative poetry and more – check it out here: http://www.transatlanticpoetry.com/readings/48-neil-aitken-and-jeannine-hall-gailey/
It helped that the neurologist lowered the dose of the steroids, and I also did some socializing – my old college roommate came over for a visit today, and I’ve had some good phone chats over the last few days catching up that made me feel more in touch with my real self, not just my “sick self.” I’m so sick and self-conscious when I’m not feeling good it’s really hard to schedule visits, but really worth it.
I can’t say the perfect 65-degree-sunny fall weather lately hurt my mood, either. I started hurtling my body outside, after months of being stuck in bed inside, even when I was too sick to leave the house for long and my legs were not willing to stay upright much – I still stumble regularly and mostly have to be in a wheelchair – but I’ve been photographing with a full heart. Here are some of the results. A lot of pumpkins! And sunflowers. Almost all these pictures were taken less than ten minutes from my house. And I even have pictures of a real pumpkin patch versus an artists’ glass pumpkin patch at our local gardening store Molbak’s. When was the last time I was well enough to stop by a farmer’s market, much less eat anything from a farmer’s market? Too long! Today I brought home pears and apples and squash and am so excited about fall produce – that’s got to a be a sign of returning health, after about three months of constant nausea and nausea meds. I think that though the steroids made me miserable, maybe they did help me push through the worst part of the flare – I just wish they’d put me on them earlier so I could have started getting better earlier? Oh well. My thought processes feel a little clearer, too. I’m hopeful this is an upswing that lasts, not just the temporary effects of the steroids and the beautiful weather. Even if it is, I’m hopeful that finally getting some post-steroid sleep and doing things that lift my spirits has a good effect on my immune system. MS is a mysterious illness, I’m finding, difficult and confusing to manage – I’ve got to figure out some coping mechanisms. I think part of it will be enjoying the things you can while you can. Sunflowers and pumpkins seem like positive symbols – maybe a bit fleeting in their beauty, worth noting nonetheless.