More of the Rollercoaster Ride – Cancer Scare Part 2, New House/New Computer Stress, and Trying to Embrace Life Despite
- At June 16, 2016
- By Jeannine Gailey
- In Blog
- 4
Well, you know how I said my cancer scare was basically over? Well, the joke’s on me, apparently – I went into the gastro this week (among fifty other doc appointments) and I had some odd test results that along with my symptoms are now pointing to a different rare cancer they want to test for. SO they’re not dangerous tests, just expensive and take-a-long-time-because-only-Mayo-Clinic-does-these types. Not the end of the world, but not exactly what I wanted to hear literally a week or two after I’d been told I was in the clear.
Finally on a new computer with the dreaded Windows 10 after the last one buzzed and ground to nearly a halt (that’s probably my last Mac for a while, too.) I am adjusting – slowly – the awkward new keyboard on the admittedly faster and more powerful laptop and the awkward newness of Windows 10 (although both make doing all my everyday business – from writing e-mails or poems to managing files – slower and more difficult.)
The inspection and appraisal on the new house are done, so we’re getting contractor bids for some minor fix-up work tomorrow. It makes getting into the new house feel more real. I’ve picked up paint samples (getting rid of some awful mustard, peach, and pistachio color schemes) and am already started sorting, throwing out, mailing away and otherwise minimizing possessions in preparation for our first move in 4 years – a record for us, in our 22 years of marriage, by the way. Maybe this time we’ll make it all the way to five years! 😉 So we’re getting our house after an eighteen month search; on the downside, soon all of our hard-won down payment money will go away. Sigh. Goodbye, bank account with money in it!
In the middle of a week of terrorism and murder on the news, frustrating, stressful doctor appointments (I think, literally, seven in five days) and work stuff which I am just now getting back to after several months sidelined – I am trying to get back into my embrace of life, despite, despite, despite. I wrote two new poems in the last two days – and I got several rejections. I’m wrestling with formatting issues on the new book and I’m working on a tricky application that’s due in a few days. Our June has so far been cool and rainy, a far cry from the blazing-hot ninety degree weather of April and May. The barn swallows have returned – here they are looking sassy, next to a bed of water lilies – and the lavender and roses are in full bloom. I’m definitely planting lavender at the new house. I always forget how much I love its smell, the way its little purple bristly flowers open up like paintbrushes. And the baby bunnies are proliferating. I want to plan more coffee dates with friends, go to more galleries and readings. Spend more time staying away from hospitals, forgetting the pain of my body, the testing, the constant drain of blood draws, and more time doing the things I actually want to do in my life. I hope I will be able to get back that life soon. In the meantime, feel free to send happy health and home energy this way.
Kate
This is @seasidesunsongs I’m hoping here is a little more private than twitter.
Dismayed to hear of more insufferable testing, The Question, unanswered, dawdling time, so stressful.
Lavender is good on your nerves, so good, healing, a teacher who says to slow down and “smell me.” The aroma is so captivating I think it must capture and slow the heart, the biorhythm, the consciousness. It reeks of “Oohhhhmmmmm.”
Sage does that to me as well. Actually, I can’t think of any flora that doesn’t flirt its way into my nostrils.
Keep writing. Even if it’s crap. Let the valve open, let loose of the chaos of living, let go, just like you’re doing, you’re doing so well to absorb and appreciate all the miracles, the critters, unabashed, the way the light falls, streaming in beams, carrying notes from so far away…
I will send you all the good thoughts and energy I have, direct delivery and the flowers will wave back, maybe even a nod from a tree, in recognition.
And the Sun will tip his hat, its vainglorious crown, he knows he’s dapper, regal, healing, and a bit mischievous.
You are made of Stardust. We look up and see our infinite journey from a native neighborhood, somewhere in a galaxy of stars, nebulae, magic matter, spread out like a feast, just for us.
Jan Priddy
Jeannine, you inspire us all, and I assume also yourself with your words. That you for taking us on your courageous journey, reminding us about the scent of lavender paintbrushes, and the pleasure of chosen paint colors.
patty kinney
Thanks for sharing all this, Jeannine. I would much rather read real life stuff than fluff from anyone I know. Continual healing vibes sent your way. I love lavender as well. Much of my own healing has come from aroma therapy, healing stones and massage. I can relate to life revolving around doctor appts. That’s what my 2015 was life as I attempted to navigate skin cancer. Do concentrate on the things which give you joy. Warmly, patty
melanie
Oh, dear. What I wish for you is an uncomplicated … day? And definitely an end to things like formatting issues. I’m the same as you with lavender – it takes me back to something ancient every time I see or smell it.
much love —