This cracked me up–

And hey, let’s stay friends, OK? I mean that. I know a lot of people who are still with you, so I’ll be back to visit, and when I do I don’t want any dirty looks. And St. Paul can never hold a candle to your beaches or mountains or home values or, I don’t know, people who avoid making eye contact. You’re the king in all those categories! And who knows what the future holds? Maybe this is just some sort of midlife Midwest crisis and in a couple years I’ll come running back, having gotten this whole crazy thing out of my system.

Good luck, Seattle.

Stay sweet.

Hope your viaduct doesn’t collapse, killing hundreds in the process and making you wish you had perhaps done something other than take a very expensive vote, the result of which was to do absolutely nothing.

Take care,

John