Happy Post-Thanksgiving, A Season of Rejection, Holiday Lights with Dragons, Seeing Friends and Winter Birds

Happy Post-Thanksgiving

Hello! Hope you had a good Thanksgiving. We had a solo low-key Thanksgiving, which was nice. I’m not a huge T-Day person anyway, so we got out the Christmas tree, put on some Christmas movies, ate only the things we wanted to eat and FaceTimed with our families. We didn’t shop on Black Friday, but we did go out on Small Business Saturday and got a few things.

Here’s a shot of a sunset in Kirkland, in front of some shop holiday windows, a sunset, and some winter bird shots from my back porch, including a beautiful pileated woodpecker and a female hummingbird. I also had a week of rejections—but it’s also time that many literary mags are reopening, so it’s the circle of poetry publication, I suppose. Can’t wait for the days to get longer again!

Holiday Lights at the Bellevue Botanical Gardens, and Holiday Plans with Friends

In front of poinsettia tree at Botanical Gardens

In following my previous post about seeking to do positive things that will help lift our spirits, we visited the holiday lights—somewhat non-traditional—at Bellevue Botanical Gardens, which features dragons and flowers made of lights, as well as a very cool underwater scene. Video of dragon below pics.

This year BBG also has concerts every weekend, and when we went, they had a jazz guitar quartet, so we listened to a concert of jazz standards by Cole Porter and the Peanuts Christmas theme on steel guitar. We hadn’t seen live jazz in a long time, so it was a fun bonus.

Tomorrow I’m doing a class for a university on the East Coast early, and later in the week I’m going to meet a friend downtown for drinks and then go to the SAL event featuring Aimee Nezhukumatathil, whom I’ve known since we started blogging in….2003? So it’ll be nice to go be social a bit. I hope you are also keeping your holiday/election blues at bay with whatever makes you feel even a little happier.

Please enjoy a few seconds of this dragon light display. And have as happy a holiday season as you possibly can.

Bomb Cyclones and Power Outages, New Poems in Friction, Practical Plans for the Future, Doing Something Positive in the Face of Despair

Woodinville Holiday Lights and Rain Reflection post-bomb cyclone

Bomb Cyclones and Power Outages

We had a once-in-twenty-year bomb-cyclone storm that killed two people, injured many others, and left almost a million people without power, internet, or cell phone service. We were out of power for four days and tried to tough it out with our propane generator, but eventually went to a hotel downtown to shower, have power and heat (our house got down to 50 degrees, which is chilly!) But even there, the internet and phone weren’t working normally. I am now back at home, buried in emails, laundry and dishes, cleaning up, etc. It felt a little apocalyptic here, especially considering the bad news of the last month. What’s the old saying? “Cheer up, it could be worse!” and sure enough, I cheered up and it got worse!

The one good thing that came out of the disaster was it reminded me I can survive bad things. We went out to eat twice and out of those two times, I had an allergic reaction from something. My MS symptoms were acting up, but I didn’t collapse or need the hospital during the days the power was out. Here are Glenn and I (me with makeup put on in the dark, and no blow drier!) at the lobby of the Edgewater and Hyatt hotels, which were full of people with two dogs and two kids in tow, looking exhausted. Others happily typed away on laptops.

Sylvia with her copies of the new issue of F(r)iction

Three Poems in the New Issue of F(r)iction

But I am happy to say I had three poems appear in the gorgeous new issue of F(r)iction, pictured at left with a snuggly Sylvia (who hid all the days the power was out? She doesn’t like her routine interrupted, which I understand). My three poems were accompanied by art by Tyler Champion. You can order a subscription here. This issue is the “Dreams” issue.

In other literary news, I found out after I got home that local treasure (and really sweet human) Lena Khalaf Tuffaha had won the National Book Award for Poetry, and Percival Everett (long overlooked) had won for fiction. And I’d been rejected again for the NEA.  So good news/bad news.

Here’s a sneak peek at two of the poems. I hope you enjoy them, but the whole issue is beautiful and worth reading.

Practical Plans for the Future: Doing Something Positive in the Face of Despair

I have seen multiple people in the last week encourage those who feel despair or discouragement in the face of life (health stuff, money stuff, election stuff, friends dying, power outages, etc.) to do something positive for others or themselves in the face of despair. Something concrete. For instance, going out and being extra kind to people you interact with, who are probably also going through a hard time. Taking something over to your neighbors. Calling a friend who is struggling. If you are feeling despair about your health, doing something positive for your health—a diet tweak, starting your tai chi practice again—if you are feeling despair about your career, taking a small step—sending out a resume, taking a class.

In my case, I’m going to try to spend more time writing, editing and submitting, not just stressing out about my lack of success as a writer. Seeking out an opportunity to study or do a residency in Europe. Doing a short visit before trying to move to either Ireland or France seems wise. I’ve also looked up resources for disabled people and for people with food allergies who are moving to Europe. I’ve taken a masterclass with resources on visas, pets, banking, and work for Americans moving to Europe. I’m trying to get in touch with people I know in Ireland and France. Anyway, small, concrete steps towards my goals.

This week, I’m going to prioritize joy and connection after several weeks of feeling disconnected and despairing. I’m finally putting up some holiday decorations. Glenn and I are exchanging one present, instead of lots of things that might fill up the house (we are trying to declutter and downsize). I’ve been struggling with anxiety (and weird blood pressure) and MS symptoms, so rest and things that are good for the body and mind are on my list of things to do, too. Adding beet juice and sweet potatoes into my diet, and yes, at least a few minutes of tai chi (laugh all you want, I still suck at it, but it feels like it helps everything from balance to asthma tightness). A nightly hot cider and a few Christmas movies (The Bishop’s Wife with Cary Grant, Christmas in Connecticut with Barbara Stanwyck) might be a new habit to build in too. Giving food to food drives, clothes and toys to donation centers.

Do I sound like I have a new perspective? I think the death of my old roommate and being out of control with the power/internet/phone outage actually forced me to think about what I need to do to survive. I want you to think hard, too, about what is within your control, and how you can bring more kindness, generosity, and joy into your life, in your own sphere of influence. Sending light out there to everyone who is struggling.

When You Lose Old Friends, Interventions at the Zoo with Snow Leopards, and Contemplating Changes in a Supermoon

Dewi Plass’ Escapism

Interventions at the Zoo with Snow Leopards

Earlier in this week, before the Woodland Park Zoo had a bird flu scare (stay safe, zoo animals and keepers!), Glenn took me for a brief trip to the zoo to see the new baby snow leopards. Some of the holiday lanterns were already up, plus we saw chirping otters. Yes, I had to be in a wheelchair for the trip—MS still acting up—but hopefully I’ll be back to walking soon.

It was hard to be sad or angry while watching snow leopard cubs do their snow leopard thing. Also, I hope that people will remember to save the cute snow leopard cubs, and therefore the environment. I can hope!

But here’s my sad news of the week. My college roommate, Tara Polek, who helped get me through Organic Chem and went to UC basketball games with me, who moved from Ohio to Seattle just like I did, who was the smartest, kindest children’s cancer researcher ever, passed away.

Tara Polek and I in 2023

I feel like this is where I should have poetic thoughts, but I’m still mostly in sad mode. Tara had two young children and a husband, and I never heard she was even sick. In college, she was the friend who, when I caught pneumonia and the girl across the hall had to be airlifted to the hospital with even worse pneumonia, never even got a sniffle. She ran—for fun—ever since I knew her. She spent her entire life doing cancer research. I wish I had told her how much her 30-year friendship meant to me while I still had the chance.

Me, Heidi, and Tara in 1994

This is a picture of us (with another dorm mate) on the way to a basketball game my freshman year of college. Anyway, I notice that my friends tend to be smarter, better people than I am, and, inevitably, taller than me. This makes it harder when you lose them. So, make sure that you tell your friends, no matter what else is going on, how much you appreciate, how you think of them as bright lights. Because you don’t know how long you’ll have them.

Contemplating Change in a Frost Supermoon

The frost supermoon

One thing that the death of a good friend will do is make you reconsider your life and where you are in it. At 51, I have spent too much time in the last decade in doctor’s offices, not enough having adventures, traveling, seeing the world. The world seems to have shrunk, especially since the pandemic, and now, with the election, it seems more dangerous than ever to just elect the status quo.

So, I signup up for an online class called She Hits Refresh, about women over thirty moving out of the US, and I’m researching grad schools, cities, visas, vacation time, disability, and medication rules. It’s been my dream for a long time to live in France, and besides that, visit England and Ireland.

On top of that, I’m sending my next manuscript out to new publishers. I’ve got be braver with my art, and my personal life. I feel like I’ve seen my life shrink and I don’t want that to define the rest of my life, or my writing. I don’t want to live in fear.

On that note, wishing you warmth and bravery as we near the holidays. Stay strong, stay sane.

Doing Terrible? Me too! Setbacks in Physical and Mental Health, How to Move Forward (with Typewriters and Poems)

My pink typewriter, maple leaves

Hello My Friends! Doing Well? Me Neither.

You may have noticed I didn’t post last week, and almost didn’t past today. My MS has been acting up with some pretty severe symptoms, and since the election, I’ve also been dealing with depression and anger. This is on top of a pretty bad career setback I’m still reeling from, money issues, the root canal I still haven’t found a person to do for me.

I postponed needed updates to the house because my MS is too bad for me to even have people around. I’m looking at ways to move forward – finding maybe a new path.

How to Move Forward

So, how to move forward after setbacks in your personal, professional life, your health, your spirit, your feelings towards your country?

Good question. I read some philosophy, including Voltaire, who contended that people were too stupid and too self-interested for a democracy to work (he may have been right?) I tried to reconnect to my spiritual side. I thought about paths I might like to try – maybe a graduate degree in another country, focused on something totally impractical that I’ve wanted to do for a long time, like folklore studies. I looked at requirements for moving to countries like Ireland and France. I tried self-care – sleeping, breathing exercises, etc. I am still, to be honest, struggling. I wake up in the cold dark, and the sun (if there is any) disappears at four PM. I try to avoid any news. I deleted Twitter, cancelled my newspaper subscription. Sold a bunch of clothes and getting rid of a bunch of old furniture. I checked in with some family and friends. Maybe moving forward will take some work and some time.

Typewriter with fairy agaric mushrooms

Still a Writer

The only thing I know for sure is I am still a writer, so I will write and submit and keep trying to encourage people to read, and specifically read short stories and poetry. I’m supposed to do a class visit soon. Right before the election, the site Poetry Out Loud posted my poem, “Spellcaster,” which is from my latest manuscript which I am now looking for a publisher for.

Here is a sneak peek.

I wish you better news and a better week ahead.

Happy Halloween! A Rough Week, Election Sunday Scaries, When You Feel Like an Outsider (and How to Deal with Professional Setbacks)

Glenn and I at local pumpkin farm McMurtrey’s (with pumpkin and pumpkin sweater.)

Happy Halloween Week!

Yes, it’s almost Halloween, the day of the thinning of the veil between the natural and unnatural worlds, that celebration of ghosts, candy, and pumpkins. What I love about Halloween is the nature of the neighborliness of it, the sweetness of kids in costumes and handing out candy (without asking about your neighbor’s country of origin or voting record or anything else). Glenn loves Halloween and often decorates our house to a degree that I never really saw growing up.

It’s also almost November 5th, which seems much scarier this year than mere ghosts and goblins. Having already voted early (thanks, Washington State), we are watching the polls in other states in a definite state of anxiety.

Pumpkins!

A Rough Week

So, this was a tough week, beyond the election day anxieties. My MS symptoms ALL raised their ugly heads after an infusion last week that didn’t go well, and I also had a personal and professional setback that, well, knocked me back a bit. I had some days where I felt—despair. Chronic illness, professional setbacks, and wondering if your country is actually so fascist that they’re going to vote for a fascist a la Germany in the thirties (not to mention a racist, rapist, felon who’s also deeply stupid) can be a lot, even for the most resilient among us. And this week I didn’t feel resilient. I felt sick, I felt crippled (I’m disabled, but some days I don’t feel it as much), and I felt like a failure. I felt despair. I wondered if I needed to make some big changes, one of which would be to quit trying to be a writer, another of which would be moving countries, to Ireland or France (both of which have pretty good policies towards disabled people and both of which we have family ties in, but could both be as susceptible to fascism as we are?) I thought about applying to a PhD program in another country and not in English, Biology or Creative Writing (my previous three degrees). I am looking at starting over again in some really tough things. I have a lot of friends recently who have had worse crises than mine—terrible accidents, cancer, death of loved ones, and divorce. I wish I could do more. I am so emotionally exhausted I don’t even know how to support these friends; I know I’m not as energetic as normal right now, and I make allowances for that (some of that is the MS, I know). If you read this blog regularly you know I’m not a great faker in terms of pretending things are fine when they’re not. And right now, for several reasons, they’re not.

Me at the pumpkin farm

Feeling Like an Outsider and Dealing with Professional Setbacks

On top of the professional blow that left me reeling, this week I was reading my new copy of Poets & Writers and there was an article, written by a friend of mine, that quoted exclusively people I would also consider friends. Is it possible to feel like an insider AND an outsider at the exact same time? Or that, given the number of years you’ve been working in your field, that you should be doing…better than you are? I am surely not unique in this feeling, but I just felt it more acute than usual after reading this article.

One way of dealing with professional setbacks is to simply say that you’re better off without that press, or editor, or job, or agent, or whatever, and look to the next thing. I’ve never been laid off or fired from a job, but I sure do feel “fired” from the job of poet these days. I’m trying to get up the energy to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back into it, but I’m also thinking, maybe it’s time to stop? Maybe it’s a sign? I’ve struggled with this thought many times since I started writing as a kid. In fact, I did give up creative writing for at least a dozen years or more. Turning 51 last April, I did think to myself that wow, am I STILL trying to get published in X journal, or get any professional recognition at all in terms of grants, awards, prizes, good review venues? Am I still trying to find the right publisher, the one who really believes in my work? After all the years of volunteering and AWPs and writing and submitting and getting degrees and even teaching for four years in an MFA program? What am I doing? Why do I feel like I need a mentor more than I ever have at my age? I do not expect you, dear readers, to have the answers to these questions. Just know that I’m struggling. I am visiting pumpkin farms, and eating kettle corn, and watching horror comedies, trying to keep up morale. But sometimes it’s just…hard. It’s maybe harder than it seems.

On a Somewhat Brighter Note…

Thanks to everyone who signed up for my Zoom class on Sunday with Kelli Russell Agodon! Despite feeling a little under the weather, the “Thinning Veil” class went great (despite a thunderstorm threatening power and internet – but very spooky!) and was super fun! I’m glad I had something to look forward to during this difficult week.

I’ll leave you with a spooky-ish poem from Flare, Corona, first published by Seattle Review of Books, “This is the Darkest Timeline:”