How to Survive a Terrible Year (End-of-year edition)

Carillon Point Holiday Lights

How to Survive a No-Good, Terrible, Rotten Year (end of 2017 edition)

Hey kids! How’s the holiday season treating you? Myself, stressed, still dealing with the limitations and frustrations of MS, cracked three molars in a matter of weeks, just got the temporary crown put on one which triggered more MS symptoms. I’m supposed to be out with friends tonight – but instead I’m home in bed. So, it’s been that kind of week.

But to be honest, it’s been that kind of year. If I sent out a holiday letter of this year to my friends and family, it would sound terrible, because this year has been terrible. Yeah, I was diagnosed with cancer, went through a lot of testing, found out I didn’t have cancer, spent two months vomiting and unable to walk, got diagnosed with MS, spent six months learning to walk/talk/swallow/function again, and now that’s where we are. Sweet! Happy holidays! A really great message, right?

But I have learned some things about how to survive a straight-up terrible year – and yes, I am including politics, the world in general, in the things that made up this particular year, because everything on every channel was disaster all the time, and if you’re a girl who’s been abused, double that. Also, nuclear anxieties.

Five Things to Help You Survive a Terrible Year

Here are some helpful thing that I did that I recommend for you during your own version of a terrible year. And believe me, I have heard from some of you and you guys had a worse year than me. Seriously. Comparisons help no one, but still, I’m sorry if that’s been the case.

1. Have people around you that make you feel better. Have them over for tea even if you think you look terrible, your house isn’t perfect, etc. Being around other humans you love who love you – be they family, long-lost friend, co-worker, or just a fellow journeyer through a particular road (you both lost people you love, you both got diagnosed with the same thing) can really increase the happiness value in your life. Especially if you’re extroverted, like I am, but forced to remain in captivity for a while, for whatever reason.
2. Pets can absolutely help. Anyone who doesn’t know this has not had a dog or cat or tiny horse come cuddle up to them when they hurt, when they’re tired, when they’re crying. There is nothing that they cannot help feel better. I have two fluffy cats but there is room in my life for a real menagerie, if my husband wasn’t allergic to all the rest of them. (Tiny horse, you are in my future, I promise!)
3. Comedies. I mean, this is not the time to tackle long Russian novels about murder or take on a Netflix series about suicide. No. This is the time for funny. Classic screwball comedies – Cary Grant, Katherine Hepburn, Barbara Stanwyk, – work well. Or sci-fi nuttiness – Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Futurama – or beloved recent shows like 30 Rock or Community (an underrated classic, check it out.) These were my drugs of choice. I may have even watched a few Hallmark movies. No shame in that, they always have happy endings and the amazing lives of the heroines (tenured Yale job AND a bestselling novel? Why not!) will cheer you up for at least a little bit. My little brother highly recommends video games as a distraction for pain relief, and you know what? He’s not wrong – there is real science that says you will feel less pain if you play video games while recovering from surgery, for example. Anything to take your mind off of yourself and your pain. Which brings me to…
4. Do something nice for others. It may not seem like the natural time for charity, you may not be feeling particularly generous, in fact if you felt grumpier and more Scrooge-like than usual, that would be normal. But doing even a small thing for someone else – opening a door, chatting in line sympathetically to someone obviously struggling, sending someone a care package, card or flowers – these don’t only cheer up the other person, they will cheer you up. Believe me.
5. Art saves us. It does. I have written a ton, a ton of poems during my terrible year. Probably not all great. I have also listened to a LOT of audiobooks. I read poetry. I surrounded myself with as much visual art as I could, when I could, and music. I listened to a lot of new music. I tried to go out of my way to support other artists in the ways I could (I couldn’t write as many reviews this year – typing was difficult for about four months and my mental capacity was absolutely affected by the MS for a while – but I could buy books, literary magazines, chapbooks.) Make time for yourself to draw, read, listen to music.

So those are my top five tips for surviving a terrible, shitty, no-good year. If you have more tips and wisdom to share, I welcome them in the comments, because I am still trying to get by the best way I can without becoming a giant pain to everyone else. That is sometimes the best we an do.

PS: One little extra thing – try to celebrate the little moments of joy, of being out of pain, of being able to do things – as you can. Life is not about being constantly happy. In fact, it is often about suffering (like many works of art tell us, including The Princess Bride and Joe vs. the Volcano.) But there are the small things we can celebrate in the moments in between that make our bodies, our souls, capable of sustaining the pressure. I tell myself often: you have to give your body a reason to live. You can’t just expect it to keep going for the sake of going. Remind yourself of the good things. Buy a damn candle or some flowers, yes, pet a dog, buy a kid a book, give someone you love a hug.