Sunbreaks in the Rain, Surviving My First Root Canal, Finding Flowers in Our Darkest Winter Month
- At January 27, 2020
- By Jeannine Gailey
- In Blog
1
Sunbreaks in the Rain
This has been the wettest January on record for Seattle and its environs, and I have definitely felt it. You have to try to get out in the rain, and hope you’ll be lucky enough to catch a sunbreak or a rainbow, the way I did right after I shot this photo. January is also so dreary and dark here, that even people without clinical seasonal affective disorder can feel a little depressed and stifled.
I don’t hate the rain, or the cold, or the dark, at least not individually, but when they all gang up on you…
Surviving My First Root Canal
I had my first root canal, with no Novocain, but with sedation. It wasn’t too bad, but it turned out my tooth’s infection was bad enough to take me down for a few days while I recovered with the aid of antibiotics. And the bad news is, the tooth right next to it – which already has a crown – needs another one. At least I won’t be so afraid of the next one. Anyway, if any of you have been scared to get one, it wasn’t so bad! I remember thinking, even through the sedation, that it didn’t even hurt very much! Now I have to wait a couple of weeks to have a crown on that broken tooth, which is nerve-wracking, because if I hurt that tooth’s temporary bonding, I might have to get an extraction instead of a crown.
Anyway, yay, I survived, and even though I was a weirdo dental patient – a little out of the ordinary, the endodontist had to use a special filling, my root was shaped unusually, and all that no Novocain thing – everything was just fine. The funny thing was, they tell you not to sign any contracts or shop while you’re on the sedation drug, called Versed – but I submitted three book manuscripts that night, which I don’t remember, and bought two lipsticks and a shampoo – I guess it could have been worse! And a couple of days later, mostly sleeping I stumbled out into the rain…and found deer in the yard! They had munched on a bit of our camellias, but I guess that’s all right. And I’ve been trying to take advantage of all the sunbreaks and rainbows I can.
Finding Flowers in January
I was determined, in the heart of January cold and dark, to discover some signs of spring. A few hyacinth plants are starting to shoot up, and this blooming shrub did not get killed by the snow. I ventured out to our local nursery, to see what they had to offer – a bunch of faux flowers, a few camellias, primroses, and cyclamen in bloom, and mostly bare-root plants. It was still fun to try to plan a little bit for spring, or at least pretend for a little bit.
Flowers seem like a metaphor for hope to me. If you’re in that time in between good things, a long losing streak when you’re waiting for good news or the right publisher, just watch. It could be closer than you think.
- Posing with faux flowers
- Posing with real flowers, and stream
- Glenn and I take advantage of a sunbreak
A Week of Being Snowed In, Art Date at the SAM, and a Little Poetry Catchup
- At January 19, 2020
- By Jeannine Gailey
- In Blog
4
A Week of Being Snowed In
Here in Seattle, we don’t get snow very often, but this last week brought a combination of freezing temperatures, a ton of snow over four days, black iced roads (including a 30 car pileup on the Floating Bridge) – that kept us mostly indoors all week. Root canal? MRI? Running errands? No dice.
So I got a lot of reading done. I started watching Austen’s unfinished novel Sanditon adapted on PBS (and read the original 11 chapters, which took me 45 minutes and renewed my appreciation for Austen’s funny asides.) We also had a modem go out, so one whole day we didn’t have phone, internet, or cable. So, yes, if you’re asking, I am going a little stir crazy.
- Snowy brannches
- The beginning of the snow
- Snowy hummingbird
An Art Date at Seattle Art Museum
So, periodically, and especially after a week of being trapped in my house AND awaiting a Monday root canal, I take myself on an art date. Today we went down to SAM and waited for four different elevators (SAM could use a little work on the accessibility front – we had to wait for a staff member to call someone else to get one elevator that was the only way to access the actual Flesh and Blood exhibit we’d paid to see and that cost us fifteen precious minutes. We got there an hour and fifteen before close, but it literally took me twenty-five minutes to get to the exhibit because I’m handicapped. Not cool, SAM – not everyone can climb a bunch of different confusing stairways to get to everything!) We enjoyed the art, but not the frustratingly designed for only able-bodied journey to getting to see it. My favorite things were the Titian, Parmigianino’s portrait of a young girl named Antea, and discovering a new local artist’s work at the end of the show. Oh, and the whole reason I went to the show – this amazing and disturbing painting!
Anyway, there was a Titian, a Raphael, and several El Greco paintings, but that painting is one I had been obsessed with since I saw a slide of it in in Art Appreciation Class when I was 19 – a painting of Judith Beheading Holfernes by Artemisia Gentileschi. The painting itself is striking, the portrayal of the female body in struggle amazing, but the story behind it even more so – Artemesia was seventeen and an apprentice to another painter who violently raped her. Her father, also a renowned artist, took the rapist artist to court, but it was a strung out procedure and Artemesia did not find justice. She did, however, find the inspiration to paint her new subject – female saints and Biblical figures, usually unfairly attacked or in the middle of attack. My art history teacher said that Judith is modeled on Artemesia and Holfernes on her rapist. The dark and light, the shadow, the blood, and the odd muscularity of the action would all make this a fascinating piece even without the history. They recently discovered a self-portrait of the artist and she did, indeed, resemble this Judith very much. I just ordered a book about her history because it deserves more study, don’t you think? Fascinating?
- Useful Things by Phyllis Emmert
- A Titian
- Portrait of a Young Woman Named Antea
A Little Poetry Catchup – and the Benefits of Downtime
So, I’ve been writing, sending out work, sending my book manuscripts out to publishers, you know, the usual. I didn’t finish a book review I meant to do during the “snow days.” I got the proofs for my poem upcoming in Ploughshares (!!) about which I’m tremendously excited. I also found an e-mail in my junk folder that was the editors letting me know they were passing on my poems to the featured editor – but I never got the e-mail so I missed being nervous about it for months! Ugh. Technical glitches (Submittable? My e-mail service?) can make getting and receiving poetry news a tense uncertain situation.
January seems like a good time for sending out work, and I find I tend to write a lot in January too. How about you? It’s also a good time for finishing reading projects. I finally saw the new Star Wars movie too, on one of the snowy afternoons we were able to get down the street to the virtually empty theater, and am happy to report I was pleased that they showed the porgs again, albeit briefly. I read some “for fun” fiction and it felt good! I need to remember to read sometimes for fun more often. That’s what downtime is for!
I was reminded, during this week of snow days, of the importance of “poetry downtime.” The time when you don’t feel like anything is happening – you’re not actively inspired for a new series of poems, you’re not hearing back from anyone – can be the most important times for your work. These are the times when you get a chance to look at your poems without the rush – you may find the typo, or adjust your line breaks, or decide one of your poems needs a new ending. If you’re working on a manuscript (or two) like I am, this is a good time to re-check that your manuscript order still works – maybe there’s a new poem you need to put in to give the book more momentum, or something you need to take out or shift around. If you lack downtime, you never get that truly relaxed time to revise and reshuffle, to do the things that might take your work from “pretty good” to “excellent.” You can’t rush revision – for me, it happens a little at a time, usually on a poem after a week or a month after I’ve written it, when you re-read it and notice the little things that make the poem happen or slow it down. It’s also the time to research new journals or publishers you might have overlooked – poetry journals are continuously being born and closing down, so it’s hard to keep your finger on the pulse of things. Check your subscriptions – do you want to try a new journal for a while? And check the submissions times of your favorite publishers – they can shift from year to year. See? Now you’re caught up, you’ve had a little time to breathe, and you can make all those little tweaks that you might otherwise overlook. The importance of downtime, whether snow-day-induced or not! Wishing you a great writing week.
Sharing a Little Good News, The First Reading of 2020, and Learning to Balance with MS
- At January 12, 2020
- By Jeannine Gailey
- In Blog
2
Some Good News, Finally, in 2020
Hello my friends! After a very rough beginning to the new year, the metaphoric rainbow has appeared (and also the first real rainbow!)
This week I can finally share with you a little good poetry news, and I had a wonderful time catching up with poetry friends and has my first reading of 2020 – in fact, the first reading I’ve done since last year’s AWP in Portland.
Two Poems in an Upcoming Issue of Poetry Magazine
Remember that good news I vaguely referred to last month? This is really exciting to me, because I remember sending out my first poetry submissions at nineteen, and Poetry Magazine was one of them. I even think the editor sent back a sweet encouraging rejection note. Now, at 46, my first acceptance – and two poems! I am over the moon. And my mother-in-law bought me a new subscription to Poetry Magazine. Isn’t that sweet?
Speculative Feminist Poets at Open Books
January, usually a dismal month here (we have a week of snow coming up in the forecast, odd for us) was also the Seattle’s MLA Conference, and so I got the chance to visit with long-time friend (but seldom seen, as she lives in Virginia) Lesley Wheeler. We hung out and caught up at the Bookstore Bar at the Alexis (after being turned away from the Sorrento’s Fireplace Room because of “silent reading night.” That’s fine! We’ve got multiple great meeting places for writers in this time. But I will hold a grudge!) Then tonight we got together with another local speculative poet, Jessica Rae Bergamino, to do a Feminist Speculative Poetry night at the lovely local bookstore Open Books. (I came home with three books on top of Jessica’s terrific Unmanned – and I’m really looking forward to Lesley’s new book due out in two months.) I was worried people would stay away because of the unwelcoming weather, but we had a great crowd, not only a good sized crowd but a warm and appreciative crowd, and listening to Lesley and Jessica read was a real pleasure. There were poems about space, robots, foxes, Nancy Drew, apoclaypses, Princess Leia, David Bowie…let’s just say this was not your grandmother’s poetry night.
- Lesley and I at the Bookstore Bar
- Jessica, me, and Lesley before the reading
- Lesley and I pre-reading
Learning to Balance with MS
One thing the beginning of 2020 is bringing home to me that I need to learn to balance my life with my MS. When my dad was in the hospital and my grandfather passed away, I hated that I couldn’t just jump on a plane to be with my mom in Missouri or my dad in Ohio. Unfortunately, with MS (and I had the flu and was awaiting an emergency root canal), I’m just not able to do the kind of spontaneous last minute travel – or the caretaking – that I used to be able to do. I would have to book an accessible flight, accessible rooms at hotels, which is not always easy at the last minute. And I’ve learned if I push myself when I’m sick, MS will raise it’s ugly head in unexpected ways, and I can end up in the hospital. So I don’t want to live an overly limited life but I also have to learn where my limits are.
It’s the same with readings – I don’t do as many as I used to because asking my brain to stand, read, and breathe at the same time is asking a lot. Within a few minutes, I start to shake, my breath is hard to catch, and every word sounds a little wobbly. That didn’t used to be the case. I still love to do readings, but I have to limit them to when I have the physical energy to do them, and I have to take a down day before and after just to be able to do that. It kind of sucks. I still love seeing other people read, and enjoy sharing my work, but I just don’t have confidence the way I used to. On the other hand, visiting with friends one on one, even in a crowded area, is still fine, as long as I put my whole focus on my friend and not the surroundings. So, yay to the things I can still do pretty well!
So I’ve lost the ability to travel easily, or appear effortless at readings. I have to plan things in advance, and literally put “rest” on the schedule. It’s an adjustment, still, even two years after my diagnosis. I still walk with a cane, and wobble if I try to walk across the room without it. Lack of balance is a well-known MS symptom and it’s also a metaphorical problem – how do you balance a “normal” life with MS? I had a friend at the reading who told me it was helpful to read my writing about these things, because it’s hard to understand MS and it hits everyone differently. So I hope this has been helpful! I hope the rest of 2020 is kinder to us all.
Wishing for a Better 2020: a Death in the Family, What to Write When WWIII is Trending, and Speculative Poetry Reading This Saturday
- At January 05, 2020
- By Jeannine Gailey
- In Blog
1
Wishing for a Better 2020
After a quiet, uneventful, and thoroughly happy New Year’s Eve (see: pictures) I woke up on New Year’s Day to the news that my grandfather had passed away at 99 and “Death to America” was trending. My father had just gotten out of the hospital for pneumonia and I broke off a piece of tooth in my sleep. In addition, it’s been cold and blustery here, too miserable (40s and rain) to do much outdoors, but Australia in midsummer is on fire, and its distressing news (the koala population might be functionally extinct! Here’s a picture of the red air in New Zealand right now!) keeps surfacing as well.
I am one of those people who tries to find the positive but it’s been a rough beginning to 2020 for me. My MS neurological symptoms have been acting up a bit – stress definitely plays a part in that – so I’ve been trying actively to avoid any extra bad news (except when I go on Twitter, which I’ll get to later.)
I’ve been writing a ton and even got an acceptance or two in the new year but it’s been hard to focus on that in the middle of everything else. Are you having the same issue? Are you still feeling hopeful for 2020?
What to Write When WWIII is Trending
So, the day after New Year’s day, I woke up to “WWIII” trending on Twitter. How to address the world like this? What can you possibly do or say to help the situation? I can’t do much when it comes to world politics, I can protest, I can vote when the vote comes around, I can call or write letters to my local congress people, but I cannot create peace on earth on my own.
It was hard already trying to help my mom when she’s in a different state (and her father was in a totally different midwestern state) and this tooth that’s due for a root canal is just shredding itself for some reason in preparation. I can’t control any of those things. Small acts of love, kindness, and peace? Yes. I can try to breathe. I can try to focus on the little everyday beauties around me.

Shelfie of some books that were really important to me when I first started writing. Good to return to inspirations.
My Twitter feed usually has very little politics, a range of writing news and announcements, nature pictures, and definitely no hellscapes, but this week has been different. I must have a lot of friends in New Zealand and Australia, because pictures of Hell-colored red air and smoke have been prominent on my timeline, along with fights about Iran and war. I’ve been writing about apocalypses for a while (see: Field Guide to the End of the World) but it’s always surprising to see how fast the apocalypses might be approaching on the horizon.
So what do you write when WWIII is trending? It’s not wise to get your news solely from social media, so I’ve been avoiding social media for things like reading and I’ve been checking in with my mom and dad back in Ohio to. I’m tackling my reading stack from the books I got for the holidays. I’ve been writing poems that try to make sense of the chaos. Which is impossible, of course.
I went back to some older books, books by older authors like Stella Gibbons and Karen Blixen, which helped me remember that in the 1920s, there was irrational exuberance in the stock market, decadence and flappers and a wonderful proliferation in the art and writing world, and they were about to face World War II and the Great Depression. I went back to some of the books that helped me become the writer I am today, fairy tale and mythology writings that talk about how we tell stories, and why they’re important.
As writers, we can do one thing: we can document the world, our world, the specifics – the moods, the visuals, the attitudes. We can try to capture the moment, whatever that moment entails. That doesn’t mean we contain or control it – but at least we can offer perspective, a point-of-view, an account from the ground, so to speak.
Speculative Women Writers and Dinner with Friends
The MLA Conference is taking place in Seattle this upcoming week, which means Seattle folks can catch up with their friends who are fancy faculty in other states and that there are great readings all around the city this week. I am lucky enough to have a dinner scheduled with Lesley Wheeler, who is a great speculative writer and all-around motivated, hard-working, kind and thoughtful human (she has a novel and a poetry book coming out!) and then a reading with Lesley at Open Books and Seattle-based writer Jessica Rae Bergamino this Saturday January 11th at 7 PM!
I can prove that though I’ve known Lesley for years, because she lives and teaches on the East Coast, we rarely exist in the same space or even time zone – note the sole picture I could find of us together to the left was taken several years ago – so I’m excited for the opportunity! And I haven’t done a reading at all in a while, so I hope you come out and see us.
It’s actually a perfect time to celebrate speculative poetry, during a time period that is often described as possibly an embodiment of the futuristic dystopias written years earlier, a time of apocalyptic fires and conflicts. What better time to imagine the future? I’ll be reading a bit from Field Guide to the End of the World, but also a bit of new work, which has a fiercer, but more hopeful, apocalyptic mood, from one of my manuscripts that has been circulating. I hope it will lift your mood, and mine. Here’s to a better 2020!