AI Self-Portraits and When Robots Take Creative Jobs; When Things Aren’t Merry and Bright at the Holidays: MS Flares and More

AI Self-Portraits and Are the Robots Taking Creative Jobs?

Sure, they say robots are taking all the good jobs. I know I don’t want them taking over poetry. Now there are programs that take pictures of you and turn them into surreal portraiture, often with elements of the bizarre and disturbing. I still recommend buying your art from humans. But this was a fun way to spend an hour or two while I was sick in bed this week…Me as warrior elf, cosmic self, anime self, and flower fairy. I’ve only ever had one artist attempt to do a portrait of me, and it was better than the AI. I also worry about feeding your face to some nameless AI program, and now the TSA wants face scans too? In most of the AI pics, they seem to get my ethnicity wrong (can you guess how?), and I end up pretty unrecognizable—just like my fingerprints (which the TSA couldn’t read despite repeat tries when I got my TSA Precheck in a moment of optimism some years ago.) Maybe I am actually an AI-thwarting ghost. Anyway, an interesting experiment, and as someone who’s been talking to AI programs since she was a kid (hi, ELIZA!) I’m interested in how they’re getting smarter, and also not any smarter. (Still: #payrealhumanartistsfortheirwork)

Downy woodpecker in cherry

When Things Aren’t Merry and Bright at the Holidays

Hello my friends! Usually, we sing and talk about an idealized holiday season, but it’s not always great, especially not the last few years. I know lots of friends struggling with families full of flu, another round of covid, relatives in the hospital, or dealing with seasonal depression and anxiety. It’s been colder than usual here and wet so it hasn’t seemed bright in the Northwest at all. No full moons, no stars, not even driving around to see the lights, as is our usual custom this time of year.

As for me, I’ve been struck with the first bad MS flare I’ve had in a long time. I’ve barely been able to get out of bed, slammed with fatigue, vertigo when I try to move, nausea, and nerve pain. I had to cancel everything this week (and this weekend) and just stay in bed (doctor’s literal orders). I’ve been prescribed meds, and now just have to wait for the spinning, weakness and fatigue to subside. There’s really nothing else you can do. I know a lot of people are in the same situation as me, feeling frustrated than things aren’t as merry and bright as we think they should be.

I’d been planning to get Christmas cards written, gifts bought, manuscripts read (for the manuscript contest I’m reading for this year), and trying to get an AWP panel outline ready. Unfortunately, none of those things happened. Writing and submitting? No. And sometimes, you have to let that be okay.

I have friends who are struggling, and I struggle to give them the encouragement and cheer they need. Charities need more money as layoffs proliferate in our area. If you believe in the original Christmas story, it was really about two poor kids who couldn’t find food and shelter during a winter in a strange town, a baby born among people who didn’t care enough to make sure he was born safely, who had nothing. It’s a reminder to take care of each other in a world than can seem cruel, cold, and uncaring, especially to the unhomed, the unwealthy, the unpowerful.

So if your holiday isn’t going exactly as you planned, you’re not alone. Be kind to yourself. Not everything is within our control, and the holidays can bring up extra family stress and expectations that can’t possibly be met. Do the things that feel important to you, like watching your favorite holiday movies (whether that’s the extended Lord of the Rings series or Shop Around the Corner or the Holiday), maybe eating the way you want for a change, and cancelling the things that aren’t really actually necessary. “Christmas magic” often falls disproportionately on women’s – often mothers’ – shoulders. But maybe it’s okay to have a little less magic, and a little more mental health.

Sometimes family can have unrealistic expectations for those of us with disabilities and chronic illness. We’re not able to fly out across country during a plague or visit when others are sick. When siblings/parents/extended family/friends ask why we didn’t make the trip, they don’t really care to know the answer, or the difficulties of living with food allergies, disabilities AND a crap immune system (insert your own things here). You should not accept any guilt trips of this kind, especially when you’re struggling just to stay alive and awake, barely able to do the bare minimum of showering, eating, or even reading a book. That’s the privilege of ableism; people who don’t have these problems don’t have to think about them, and definitely don’t think about how other people with these problems have to navigate a world that’s not built for wheelchairs, chronic illness, or the burden of ten doctors’ appointments a week. Stress can and does make people with immune system problems sick; the best thing you can do for yourself is not let yourself get stressed out about the expectations of others. (And if you’re lucky enough to be abled? Please don’t hassle people who aren’t, especially this time of year.)

This season, a season we do try to celebrate in the darkest coldest part of the year, is also a season we need to survive the best we can. And cut others a break as well—they could probably use it and some extra kindness too.  So, maybe this isn’t yet the best year for a big family reunion or extra big party with friends, with so many hospitals overtaxed with the pandemic, a terrible flu year, and worse RSV than usual too. Maybe it’s okay to be quiet this time of year, to sleep an extra amount, to take the time you need to heal and recover from whatever it is you have to real and recover from. Like I said, it’s been a tough few years, and though I’m optimistic things will get better, no scientist or specialist has been able to give me a timetable for when exactly that will be. As an SNL skit said last night, “Covid never left, and also it’s back?”

I just want to send those of you struggling a hug of understanding and support. I’m a type-A control freak who wants to overperform but whose body sometimes throws a few curves in the way of plans. But you know what? Sometimes we have to let go and be okay with not being okay. And those of you having a great time? Just remember that those around might need a little extra love. Wishing you a happy holiday season (but it’s also okay if you’re not.)