Thanks to those of you who responded to my question about the relationship between the economy and your writing life. I personally feel quite oppressed in this current environment, like all the time I should be doing something that makes more money, instead of wasting my time on non-paying pursuits. I haven’t felt this anxious about money in years.

Back home last night. I loaded up on poetry and poetics book (got Kim Addonizio’s new book of essays and Human Dark with Sugar, among others) and felt bolstered-up after my week of mostly being trapped in a hotel room in gloomy weather in a wheelchair (PS wheelchair travel? Much more difficult than I thought – ick!) after a few hours (!!) in Open Books and after lunch with my friend Lana. I also picked up a black top and a pair of black shoes, because I swear they don’t sell black clothing in San Diego. See? I am doing my part to bolster the economy, despite my limited funds. The medical care coverage isn’t quite as good here as it was in Seattle, so I’m finding out (three months after visits, of course) that we owe money on more things than we didn’t for the last eight years – some doctor visits and physical therapy only covered 80 percent, as opposed to 100 – that’s part of the problem with working remotely for a Seattle-based company. That’s on top of the giant California tax beast. I am suddenly wishing the small amount of money I bring in from freelance work and teaching could be multiplied, and then I think that if I went back to technical writing management, it would be. Still, after a week in the cold, miserable Seattle weather, I can’t be sorry we moved away. I’m just sorry we didn’t move somewhere warmer AND cheaper.

So, the Switchback Books blog asks an interesting question: Are you hot enough to write? That blog post links in turn to another about how your author photo matters when you are a writer. I remember a discussion at AWP with older female editor at a big press, who mentioned how women still get discriminated against, because they’re still talked about in terms of their looks while men are talked about in terms of what they write. She called it the “Jorie Graham” syndrome. Do you buy books based on how the writers look? The weird thing is, some writers are fantastically attractive in person, but the attractiveness can’t be photographed – it’s this ephemeral thing in their movements, their attitudes, their animation, the way they talk. I always thought poetry was one place where looks didn’t matter, or at the very least, secondary to the work – but maybe I’m wrong. I think the whole brouhaha around those crazy twins would never have happened if they were terrifically unattractive, but maybe I’m wrong about that too.

This post appears to have been anxiety-generated. I will go drink some hot tea and take some deep breaths.