Seriously, just kill me now…
So, another urgent care visit confirms I’ve got an ear infection and am now testing positive for flu type B (which I didn’t have before – at least not as of two weeks ago when I was tested then – AND I got the flu shot this year! So much for preventative measures.) So, after three weeks of various germs, even more newer and more exciting germs. Honestly. I have some patience and fortitude, but even I have my limits 🙂
On the plus side, the sun has finally graced my little town with its presence for the first time in over a week. So I’m gonna go shiver and be all ache-y-and-ah-choo-y and drink fluids and lie down in a sunbeam now.
And thanks for your good wishes and congrats! It really cheered me up while I’ve been all sickly.
Aren’t you glad I didn’t end up hanging out with you at AWP? Just think of all the problems you avoided! Anyway, glad to have all the blog reports on the conference to read now, although it sounds like a lot of you got sick even without me bringing my evil! You all take care, wrap up in warm blankets and rest. And remember to spill all the best gossip!
(Update: Thanks to Eduardo, I have the link to this AWP blog, hilarious! Now I know bronchitis IS the writer’s disease! http://awp2008.blogspot.com/)
For those of you who read this blog for poetry-talk – I promise I’ll get back to work soon. Someone asked me to talk about persona poetry and so I will!
PS Have I mentioned that I think AWP should be held during the healthier, sunnier portion of the year, or maybe in a happy, healthy, sunny place – like Arizona or Honolulu.
And, to read more discussion of the “can’t all poets just get along and not label each other and fight” subject, check out this post and the comments…
http://poetryfoundation.org/harriet/2008/02/who_you_callin_postavant.html
Take My Breath Away…
Sorry to make that Berlin reference.
So, nothing quite as humbling as having to rely on others to help you just…breathe. I’ve spent several scary days literally doing nothing more than trying to breathe normally. My husband spent two sleepless nights in the ER with me and my mom actually flew out from the midwest to help take care of me. Takes the wind out of the sails of the “me, I’m immortal” feelings that someone my age (only 34 after all!) can often have. Missing AWP was a drag, but really, I am just happy I am still alive. Puts things in perspective and also reminds me about my own dreaded and hated physical frailty, which I can’t really ignore although I’d like to. I used to play basketball and soccer, for heaven’s sake, I white-water rafted and rappelled and mountain hiked for kicks and loved horseback riding and all that kind of cool fun stuff. Now I’m like, gee, hope I can go to the grocery store on my own soon, hope I’m healthy enough to go teach a class every day in March, hope I’m healthy enough to…well, you get the point, nothing too challenging on my list right now.
I was thinking of all those literary cliches of sick women – you know, the cousin in Heidi, the young guy in the Secret Garden, all those laudanum-waving women in Austen and Bronte. Hey, isn’t the sea air supposed to be good for people like me, according to those books?
So, in the universe, all bad must be countered by good, or so, sometimes, it seems. The day I got the gigantic steroid shot and albuterol/oxygen treatment at the hospital, I also found out I won the Dorothy Sargent Rosenberg prize, along with Kelli Russell Agodon. It was a shock and I am very grateful for the money (lately, it seems like I’ve been scrimping and saving just to buy stamps! and I have about $300 in my bank account right now…how could I have afforded AWP again?) especially with all the extra costs of the last move. I haven’t managed to actually process the win or celebrate yet, but thanks to all of you who sent me notes and encouraging comments. Thank goodness for people who think it’s a good idea to give money to poets. And I’m very happy to have Kelli’s name right there with me.
For those of you following the story of our rental adventures, our propane tank was returned (un-repossessed?) and our landlord had it refilled for us free of charge to make up for the inconvenience. Sigh of relief.
PS Yes, I am feeling much better, thanks for your well-wishes! I think the combination of throat and chest infections are finally dying off and I blew a 400 on the peak flow meter tonight, which is pretty darn close to normal.
PSS To balance out all that depressing health stuff, some cute baby polar bear videos for you:
http://www.nuernberg.de/internet/polarbear/videos.html
My dears, a brief hiatus from the blog. I’ve been pretty darn sick – gone from bad to worse – and ended up in the ER for breathing problems a couple of days in a row, each time getting worse. Last night was my worst breathing ever. I’ve had mild asthma attacks over the last 20 years but nothing like this. They gave me a big stick (a huge steroid shot) that nearly made me pass out from pain (why don’t they ever tell you when the shot hurts like a son-of-a?) and a nebulizer of albuterol and oxygen treatment. Even after that, still struggling to get my breath. No pneumonia from the x-rays but I can’t stop wheezing or coughing which may be complications of strep or viral bronchits (since I’m already on giant antibiotics) cranking up my asthma to eeevil levels. Think good thoughts for me and don’t be alarmed if I don’t answer phone or e-mail messages in the next few days – I’m taking a health hiatus. Poetry has to wait until I can breathe again!
Also, a warning, peeps – if you can’t breathe, and you’ve been sick, don’t hesitate to go to the hospital or at least urgent care. Breathing is very important, apparently. The hospital folks seem to take this stuff very seriously.
Update: In the middle of this health crisis stuff, a person shows up at our door and repossesses our propane tank, because apparently our landlord has not paid their rent for the tank for months. No hot water, no tank. What a freakin nightmare.
You’re doomed to Oblivion! And other cheerful blog posts…
Because I’ve been really sick I’m not really doing much else so I found more interesting blog links to put up. The first one (from a Canadian/English poet) talks about your pitiful chances of ever being successful, recognized, or read in the future unless you are anointed by a chosen king/saint-maker. The second one talks about the implications of that, and whether “Fame” – the song/the idea – is really so great any way. Thanks to Bookslut’s blog for both links:
http://toddswift.blogspot.com/2008/01/canons-to-right_29.html
http://samizdatblog.blogspot.com/2008/02/baby-remember-my-name-poets-and.html
My opinion? Fight the good fight. Even one person reading your poem could make a difference. Fight the system! Subvert the paradigm (See Steven’s comic blog post on this phrase http://www.steveschroeder.info/2008/01/two-things-that-make-me-glad-i-didnt-go.html) and write because you love to write, because you can’t not write. Do what you can to make poetry relevant, to get poetry into people’s hands. If I had a defeatist attitude towards other things – like my immune system (what? Born with one kidney? Asthma since childhood? Crappy inability to fight off germs? Rare bleeding disorder? Messed up thyroid? Just give up already, you Darwinian-ly cursed girl!) I’d be dead. That’s why I take my vitamins and antibiotics and herbal teas – and why I studied pre-med as an undergrad – hey, you gotta do something, take some steps, fight the powers that be, have some faith that what you do makes a difference. In health, in life, and in poetry.
Would you like to read more about AWP? Continuing the blog vicariousness:
The Ploughshares Take:
http://pshares.blogspot.com/2008/01/its-fully-operational.html
and SPD’s blog o’ photos (check out cute Jessica Smith! and all the shoes!)
http://www.awplive.blogspot.com/
In Jeannine news, still sad about not getting to AWP, but I’m getting ready to send out some submissions. My MSN horoscope today said if I was a writer, getting published was right around the corner. Got to take the good omens in whatever form they come in, right?
Only one of my two tonsils is swollen up like a grape now, which I take to mean I am getting better, though I woke up coughing and coughing like nobody’s business and I’m still fevery. Whatever this crap is, taking a lot of zinc and C and strong antibiotics and soup and a boatload of random holistic cures has barely been able to contain it. Demons out!
Oh, and Lost was good last night. I heart Hurley!
Since I’m not at AWP, I thought I’d post about other people talking about it instead…
Reginald Shepherd at the Poetry Foundation defends AWP. The comment section discussion is pretty interesting:
http://poetryfoundation.org/harriet/2008/01/awp_communazis_and_me_1.html
I would say I pretty much side with Reginald on this. My experiences (as a semi-outsider: after all, I’m not a publisher or academic – although I was an MFA student for a couple of years) were this:
-The best part of AWP, and the reason I am sad to be missing it this year, is hanging out with like-minded writers – people who you’ve had correspondence with online – meeting in person is so much more fun and it’s always a surprise to find that people’s personalities are different than you might have thought from their blogs or e-mails. Running into former teachers or friends is always fun too, playing catch-up etc.
-It is also a lot of fun to discover new writers through random panels and readings that you might never have heard of otherwise – I always come home with new books that I absolutely adore. This is the good part of not over-scheduling – you never know where you’ll end up or who you’ll end up meeting if you’re kind of easy-going about it. Missing a panel or an evening event can end up being the best thing you do.
-The hard part is the pressure to “network” and the kind of enforced socialization that goes on. I guess this is the same whether it’s AWP or Comdex (yes, I went to Comdex in the past) or the styrofoam cup makers conference – there will always be jerks and weirdos and slimeballs out there, and the phoniness or some kind of need to impress can make people act like they’re at a junior high dance (with more drunkenness.) Some people you’re going to get along with naturally and others, not so much. So my advice is: don’t try too hard, make an effort to be open to meeting others, but if it’s awkward or icky in any way, feel free to go back to the hotel room or go hang out someplace else. Especially for younger girls – hey, if a guy is giving you a creepy vibe, get the hell out of there. Even if he’s an important editor or publisher or someone famous. Maybe even especially if.
But all in all my experiences were that people were very friendly, meeting people in the real world that I had known online was almost always a positive experience, and you know, you can end up having cool coversations with great people you might never have met otherwise. “Famous” writers are often much more approachable and friendly that you might expect. And in general, I never was made to feel unimportant, or like I didn’t belong there, even at my first AWP where I really knew no one and hadn’t really started publishing yet.
So what do you think? Is AWP a corporate evil entity or a welcoming place for writers to meet and talk shop?
On another note, some unusual folk remedies for sore throats that ended up being at least sort of effective:
–pickle juice
–tobasco sauce mixed with hot water and honey (gargle, don’t drink)
–blackcurrant jam and pineapple juice (not together, though)
My husband G woke up really sick today, and last night I was running a 102 fever, so I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t go to New York, since it doesn’t look like I’m on the superfast track to getting better, even with those folk remedies, antibiotics, vitamin C, and zinc. I didn’t want to be one of those people who goes out and makes everyone else get sick later. And also, how much fun do you have when you can’t talk and are all fevery? Not much, that’s the answer. Next time, AWP, how about a nice conference in, say, March or April? Not in the middle of cold and flu season in the coldest part of the US? Hmmmm? I mean, sickly writers are sort of a time-honored cliche – I can’t be the only one with a crappy immune system!
I’m still jealous of all you NY-visiting AWPers visiting MoMa and great restaurants and checking out the bookfair and everything. Have extra fun for me!
Books I’ve read since not going to AWP: Teaching Creative Writing to Middle Schoolers. Rachel Zucker’s Bad Wife Handbook. Tom Hunley’s Teaching Poetry Writing. Girl Meets Boy: The Myth of Iphis (Myths) by Ali Smith. My brain isn’t yet up to reviewing anything, but at least I can focus on a book now enough to actually read. And I rewatched some old Buffy and Daria episodes. Sometimes that’s the best thing you can do when you’re sick.
No AWP NYC for me after all…
Just got a phone call from my doc telling me I have a complicated case of strep throat and have to stay home until I’ve been on antibiotics for at least three days. I was all packed and ready and everything. Hair was cut, special travel sizes were bought, paper printed out and ready. I will miss saying hi to you all and all the fun. Waaaah! I should have known something funny was going on when my throat practically swelled shut. That doesn’t usually happen with a cold.
Anyway, have a great time and tell us all about it! Wishing you good health and a great time. I’m getting ready to call and cancel my AWP registration so maybe one of you can catch the opening after all…
After getting better briefly, my tonsillitis has returned – even worse! Argh! If this keeps up I don’t know if I can go to NYC. If I can’t talk? Yikes!
And, the Redmond Post Office is still losing my mail sent to my PO Box and can’t explain to me why. Just returning it to sender “undeliverable.” This means no rejections or acceptances, or book contest notifications. I just sent out about ten e-mail notes to editors who had accepted poems that I probably haven’t received any contributor copies sent in the last three months, either. Three months! And I paid a hundred dollars to have this PO Box during my move, so I’d be sure to get my mail. Urgh! I don’t know what to do about journals I haven’t heard from. Would you recommend trying to contact them, even if it’s only been three months, because of the liklihood that the SASE they sent me was tossed?
- At January 25, 2008
- By Jeannine Gailey
- In Blog
2
Is it that time already? Where I’ll be at AWP:
Thursday morning, 10:30-11:45 at the Bookfair at the Steel Toe Books table #436
Signing books with Superstar Steel Toe author Mary Biddinger
Friday morning, 9 AM (early!)
Giving a little Pedagogy on the persona poem at the Poetry Pedagogy Forum
After that? A few readings, some fun times, maybe a museum or two…a trip to SoHo…bookstores…let me know if you’re doing anything fun and you think I should be there! Looking forward to meeting you there!
- At January 25, 2008
- By Jeannine Gailey
- In AWP NYC
2
Is it that time already? Where I’ll be at AWP:
Thursday morning, 10:30-11:45 at the Bookfair at the Steel Toe Books table #436
Signing books with Superstar Steel Toe author Mary Biddinger
Friday morning, 9 AM (early!)
Giving a little Pedagogy on the persona poem at the Poetry Pedagogy Forum
After that? A few readings, some fun times, maybe a museum or two…a trip to SoHo…bookstores…let me know if you’re doing anything fun and you think I should be there! Looking forward to meeting you there!