How Are You Celebrating Poetry Month? Free PR for Poets workshop tomorrow, Literary News, and More!

: White Cherry Blossoms

: Pink magnolia

: Glenn and I with cherry tree

: Glenn and I under row of cherry trees

It’s raining sideways here today, but yesterday it was in the sixties and we had a bit of sunshine. I went out to photograph some of beginning magnolia and cherry blossoms because wind storms typically take all those petals and whoosh – they’re gone! I got some more April-appropriate pink highlights for tomorrow’s event, as you can see! Spring is definitely a good time for pink streaks!

I’m so excited for tomorrow’s PR for Poets workshop at Open Books (starts at 4:30! Come early to get your handout!) and bringing my first copies of the book to Open Books for sale. This book is unlike my other books for a lot of reasons – it’s the first time I’ve written a non-fiction book since my attempt at a memoir a couple of years ago and my actual technical book back in 2001. It’s been poetry, poetry, poetry all the time – which makes this book a little bit of an adventure for me. I hope it reaches its audience and empowers poets to take charge of their own creations in terms of how its marketed and promoted – so many times poets say, “But my publisher won’t…” (pay for a book tour, buy ads, send my book out for review” or “I don’t know how to…” (sell more books, put together a PR pitch letter, etc.) So I hope this will help people who feel that way! I certainly don’t claim to have all the answers – I’m still making notes to myself about how social media is rapidly change, for instance, and how reading habits are evolving.
Oh yes, and my box of books is here, so if you want a signed copy, you can contact me for one! I should have the order form page updated soon, but in the meantime, there are links to buy the book on Amazon and direct from Two Sylvias. And I’ll be doing a Twitter Q&A on all things PR and poetry related on April 15 (6 PM PST) as well as making an appearance at the Skagit Poetry Festival later on in May.

So, I’ve had an exciting April so far! My latest poetry manuscript was a runner-up for the Tupelo Dorset Prize, have gotten invited to four different out-of-state reading events, written five poems and worked on an AWP panel proposal. I have felt a little MS-y here at the beginning of the month (ache-y, tired, headachey, and a lot of tripping) but am hoping my energy ramps up with the spring! I’ve also set myself higher goals with my poetry submissions, trying either places I’ve never tried before or have been scared to try. I’ve been also thinking about the ways I can bring more positive energy to Facebook’s poetry community as well as here – there’s so much negativity everywhere these days that I want to contribute as much light as possible, which includes buying poetry chapbooks and books and subscribing to lit mags, but also I’m thinking of ways to lift the conversation. These are all goals. So what are you doing for yourself for poetry month?
I bought a copy of Jenn Givhan’s Girl with Death Mask and received a copy of Atticus Review’s print annual which has one of my fave poems from Field Guide to the End of the World that Atticus Review published early on – “Introduction to Spy Narrative with Love Story” (Pics with Sylvia below.) So some good reading to look forward to.

Happy National Poetry Month (and My Birthday Month,) More about PR for Poets and PR for Poets Events!

Welcome to April! It’s National Poetry Month, as well as my birthday month, and the month of the launch of PR for Poets! Here are some spring images for you…Cherry blossoms, a blue moon….

: Blue Sap Moon

: Me under cherry tree

: More cherry blossoms

It’s also almost time for the launch of PR for Poets! My first event, a talk at Open Books this Sunday April 8 at 4:30, was written up in CityArts (at the bottom of the page, sure, but still there!):

http://www.cityartsmagazine.com/jinkx-monsoon-ufos-in-burien-tea-with-the-duwamish-a-new-lynn-shelton-film-weird-vulgar-theatre-first-thursday-and-the-all-new-art-walk-awards/

I hope to see some of you there!

I don’t have my copies yet (they’re supposed to be on their way here tomorrow) but people have reported getting their copies today! (Edit: They’re finally here today! Here’s a picture of Sylvia posing with a box of books!) In addition, I’ll be doing a live Twitter chat April 15 6 PM PST under the hashtag #PRforPoets to answer questions about all things PR for poetry-related.

I also got a copy of the San Diego Poetry Annual 2017-2018, which features a poem by me called “After Dark, Southern California.” Other contributors include Diane Wakowski and Marge Piercy, so exciting! Here’s a shot of Sylvia posing with the anthology, along with our new pink camellias and more cherry blossoms.

: Sylvia with the San Diego Poetry Annual

: Backyard Pink Camellias

: More cherry blossoms

As for the beginning of April, it was nice to celebrate Easter with my little brother and his wife, watch the live new version of Jesus Christ Superstar (a thumbs up, though I will always keep a special place in my heart for the original), and I’ve already written two poems, so that’s a pretty good start to April. I’m hoping my physical energy can keep up with my enthusiasm this month – I’m hoping to see some friends, do a couple of events for PR for Poets, maybe send my new poetry book out a couple of times to potential publishers, and write/submit at a good pace – all without wiping myself out. I’m ready for the long days, the warmer weather, and the few flowers in my garden – daffodils and hyacinths, the tulips aren’t up yet. April does usually cheer me up, what with my birthday at the end of the month (keeping it low-key this year, a trip up to the tulip fields) and poetry in the air. It’s been a rough little stretch of time for me here in the last year and a half, but I’m hoping the journey will start easing up a bit the rest of the year.

Launch for PR for Poets, Open Books Talk on PR for Poets on April 8, and Sylvia Plath Quotes

Launch for PR for Poets in Seattle and Online!

Well, the day is here! PR for Poets is officially available now on Amazon and Two Sylvias Press, and I’ll be hand-bringing the very first copies to Open Books on April 8!

Here it is on Amazon: PR For Poets: A Guidebook To Publicity And Marketing and for slightly less as a pre-order from Two Sylvias Press: PR For Poets: A Guidebook To Publicity And Marketing.

I’m really hoping this book will be of use to people and help poets who feel uncomfortable with book promotion or feel totally at a loss when launching their books. That’s really the goal of the book. I’m so thankful to the many experts who allowed me to put their advice and wisdom inside this book, including Sandra Beasley, Robert Lee Brewer, Marie Gauthier, Kelly Davio, and many others!

Open Books, April 8 at 4:30 PM – Jeannine Hall Gailey talks PR for Poets!

I’ve been a bit of a recluse lately, but the spring will be bringing me out into the open again! On April 8 at 4:30 PM (it’s a Sunday,) I’ll be giving a talk on the basics of PR for Poets, on topics from social media to web sites to readings and reviews! Come out, say hi, and get your copy – Open Books will be the very first brick-and-mortar bookstore to carry copies of the book! Plus, they’re always fun to visit.

Obligatory flower pictures here! Cherry Trees and One Apple Tree!

Glenn and I took a trip to UW’s famed quad full of cherry trees on a Tuesday (and it was still crowded,) and then I took some more pictures of Woodinville’s apple and cherry blossoms. Definitely feeling more like spring! I’m sooo ready for it!

: UW quad cherry blossoms

: Apple tree in bloom

: Cherry blossoms

: Me underneath the cherry tree

: Glenn and I smiling into the sun

: cherry branches

Sylvia Plath quotes, Writers – Ego and Expectation

You know I’ve recently finished The Letters of Sylvia Plath Volume 1: 1940-1956 – all of over 1300 pages of it! I only do this kind of background reading on women writers I’m very interested in – Flannery and Sylvia were both on the list. And I talked a little about in my last post, but I wanted to give you some quotes I made notes on while I was reading it – either the quotes are ironic, funny, or display something about her expectations as a writer. These are mostly from her time living and studying in Cambridge, England. She loves her cookbooks, has definite opinions about her own writing compared to other women writers of her time and expected, like most of us, to get her first book of poetry published much sooner than it actually got published.

1956 in a letter to her brother, Warren: “Am hoping to get scattered poems published this spring & get together a book for a contest in June at which Richard Wilbur and 4 other poets whose style is congenial to mine will judge; won’t know till October, but am determined to publish a book of 33 poems within next year.” (Her first book of poems, Colossus and Other Poems, wasn’t published until 1960, three years before her death. Her Pulitzer-winning Collected Poems (1956-1963) wasn’t published until almost twenty years after her death, in the 1981! I bet she wouldn’t be surprised, but she would be irritated they waited that long!)

1956 in a letter to her mother: “When and if you have the chance, could you send over my Joy of Cooking? It’s the one book I really miss!” (Hilarious, right?)

1956, in a letter to her mother: “I know that within a year I shall publish a book of 33 poems which will hit the critics violently in some way or another; my voice is taking shape, coming strong; Ted says he’s never read poems by a woman like mine: they are strong and full and rich, not quailing and whining like Teasdale, or simple lyrics like Millay; they are working sweating heaving poems born out of the way words should be said.”

1956, in a letter to her mother: “I shall be one of the few women poets in the world who is fully a rejoicing woman, not a bitter or frustrated or warped man-imitator, which ruins most of them in the end. I am a woman, and glad of it, and any songs will be of fertility of the earth and the people in it through waste, sorrow and death. I shall be a woman singer, and Ted and I shall make a fine life together.” (None of this turned out to be true, unfortunately – she turned out to be the patron saint of frustrated women writers, and not remembered as a particular celebrator of female fertility. And her life with Ted, while described by many in different ways, was not quite as happy and starry as she anticipated at 25.)

Also, some personal notes: She liked Elizabeth Bishop but not Auden (she described his poems as “grinding metal”), thought the New Yorker published a lot of trite poems about birds, took classes from CS Lewis, liked Tolkein, and thought Ted Hughes would make a great children’s book author whose work would be acquired by Disney. She studied a lot about Chaucer (obv. liked the Wife of Bath) and Paul’s letters (problematic in terms of his attitudes towards women and sex, she thought – and I agree!) Lots to think about. Still an inspiration. Though she disparages Edna Millay all over the place in these letters she had a lot in common with her – did you know Edna got famous for an early poem about suicide? And was notoriously egotistical and famously sexual? Kind of a mean person, sort of like Sylvia. I like both poets, although I’m pretty sure I would have been afraid to be friends with either.
It does make you think about the job of ego in the work of women writers. I was thinking about this is terms of Emily Dickinson too – even with lots of rejection, she kept at it. Without a pretty sizable ego, women writers in the twenties – or fifties – wouldn’t even have attempted to make a splash. Sylvia expected to be more successful than she was, which may have led to being disappointed at a more crushing level than if she’d tempered her expectations. On the other hand, who succeeds without having the expectation of succeeding? We must all retain some hope of this, even if we say we don’t. Otherwise…

Measuring Up and Marching Towards Spring

I’ve probably mentioned I’ve been reading Sylvia Plath’s newest collection of letters for a while now. I’m finally getting to the end of Volume I, which ends when Sylvia’s about 24 (on page 1300). By 24, Sylvia had already been a Fullbright scholar, had poems accepted by Poetry, The Atlantic, The Nation, had an internship at Mademoiselle and sold several short stories. Looking at her, I look at myself at 44 and think: how do I measure up? I mean, she didn’t publish many books while she was alive, and I have five, but I’ve had fourteen extra years on her already! I didn’t publish my first book until after age 30! I still haven’t had acceptances at any of those magazines (and Mademoiselle is defunct.)

Now Sylvia Plath, along with a few other poets, remains one of the best poets of the past hundred years. You can watch her poetry get better in her letters over the years, from 15 to 21 to 24. Dating Ted Hughes, whatever kind of decision that was for her life-wise, was great for her poetry – she suddenly starts putting a lot of nature in her poems when she starts dating him, specific names of plants and animals, adopts the fierceness of the natural world as her own. (By the way, even before Ted, her preferences for boyfriends ran to the “handsome, healthy, big, brutish” variety – why the emphasis on “health” and what did she mean by that? Weird. So I don’t think she was going to ever end up with a nice guy type. She was also kind of a “mean girl.” Way meaner than me.

Who do I admire among today’s poets? It’s hard for me to say who the strongest/best poets are. I know which writers I admire and look up to, to aspire to be, so to speak (even though some of them might be younger than I am:) Louise Gluck, Dana Levin, Matthea Harvey, Kelly Link, Tracy K. Smith, Margaret Atwood. Beth Ann Fennelly, Brigit Pegeen Kelly, Lucille Clifton (though the last two have sadly passed away now, they remain in my bag of poetry heroines.) Will I ever be as good as any of them? It feels like I don’t measure up. I need to work harder to shape my work to be the best it can be. That never really stops, years after my MA and years after my MFA, that desire to keep getting better, to keep tweaking.

Today is the first day of spring, which feels like it should be an upbeat poetry day. I’m working on a couple of AWP panel ideas, and was just invited to be part of one. But I received a rejection for my latest book/collection in my e-mail box, and with the Sylvia stuff, just feeling a little discouraged. Plus, I have to get cancer tested again for my liver (MRI and blood work) – they do it every six months – and on top of the constant MS appointments, it’s a lot. Along with dental work, something I wish I could put off indefinitely! Thank goodness I’m finished up with Sylvia’s letters, and now I’m moving on to the latest essay collection by Zadie Smith!

But I will post some pictures of local blooms! Spring seems to be a bit odd this year, with storms coming to the east coast and a forecast of snow (!!) here on Saturday. Our spring blossoms have arrived several weeks late this year, so my daffodils haven’t yet bloomed, our hyacinths and cherry blossoms just now peeking out. And some local peacocks!

: Magnolia blooming in Kirkland

: Cherry blossoms across from my house

: Woodinville Peacock pair

Signs of Spring, Post-AWP Comedown, and PR for Poets!

Signs of Spring

It’s been a dreary winter here, so I was so thankful yesterday for some early spring sunshine and some signs of spring. Went for a whirlwind tour of the flowers and creatures of La Conner – we saw lots of trumpeter swans, snow geese, four seals, herons, a bald eagle. Even more exciting – hyacinths, tulips, forsythia, and one field of early daffodils. I have to say I am looking forward to our season of flowers!

: Cherry blossoms, snowdrops, daffodils, and me!

: trumpeter swans

: hyacinths

: tulips

: First La Conner daffodils

: In front of the windmill

: snow geese distance

: heron

: Mt Baker

Suffering from Post-AWP Comedown?

Are you experiencing Post-AWP Comedown? Hungover? Tired? Feeling insecure, overwhelmed? Just remember a couple of days of regular sleep, regular food, and not having to be constantly “on” will probably fix it. My other advice is be sure to actually read your AWP haul of lit mags, books, and do something with your swag before it disappears into the ether. Here’s my faux-AWP haul (books and lit mags I acquired in the wild here in Seattle during AWP) with my kitten Sylvia – not too shabby – and I sent out a couple submissions and wrote a little, so I didn’t feel too left out this year. I’m still recovering from the MS flare that put me in the hospital last summer, believe it or not, so I didn’t want to try the whole travel-cross-country-to-a-not-very-accessible-convention center this year. I’m sure I’ll get a handle on this MS stuff before next year’s AWP in Portland, plus I can drive there! Now to start thinking about panels for AWP 2019!

What Are You Looking Forward to This Spring of 2018?

So what are you looking forward to this spring? Besides stalking flowers and birds? Here are some cherry blossoms not far from my house. I am looking forward to being outside a little more, being a teensy bit more social, and of course the launch of my PR for Poets book! I’m looking forward to the Skagit Valley Poetry Festival in May, I may try to make it up to the Port Townsend Writers Conference this summer, and of course, another trip up to La Conner during the Tulip Festival in April!

More PR for Poets!

Here’s another link to the pre-order at Two Sylvias for PR for Poets!

Thank you everyone who wrote me about the cover! This book will give you everything you need to help sell your first/second/third book of poetry! Stop being afraid, start getting read!
Thanks to all the experts who contributed, including Sandra Beasley, Robert Lee Brewer, Kelly Davio, Kelly Forsythe (formerly of Copper Canyon Press), Marie Gauthier of Tupelo Press fame, and many more. This book was mostly written two years ago but came to a bit of a slowdown when I got my cancer diagnosis in 2016 and then my MS hospitalization and diagnosis in 2017, so I’m happy we were finally able to get it out the door after I got a little better and I think we made it even better with the last editing pass and updates! Thank you to my intern Sylvia and all the beta readers who helped me get this ready for press! And my Two Sylvias editors, Kelli and Annette! (Is it so coincidental that my publisher is Two Sylvias, my cat is named Sylvia and the intern who worked with me to proof the book was also named Sylvia?)
I may even be doing a few talks on “PR for Poets” in the Northwest, so keep watching this page. I hope it will be a book that is helpful to poets who have always felt they didn’t know exactly what they were supposed to do once their books actually came out, and to poets who haven’t known exactly what their role is in the whole publishing whirlwind. I wanted this book to be empowering to poets, not discouraging, but some practical advice on what you could do with a “normal” budget (AKA not $7500 a month!) and a little time. You don’t have to be a natural extrovert, and a lot of the basics are much easier than you think!

PR for Poets covers, MS Awareness month, and International Women’s Day! (Plus Poems up at Wordgathering)

Yes, it’s March, which is MS Awareness month, and today happens to be International Women’s Day, so I felt it was appropriate to post some news. I mean, a lot of folks are at AWP right now, but not everyone! So here are a few poems about MS and some PR for Poets news!

Here are a few poems from my new poetry book manuscript from disability-focused journal Wordgathering about my journey with MS.

And, for those of you keeping track, I finally have covers (front and back) for the PR for Poets book coming out this spring from Two Sylvias Press! (Ooh, late edition – here’s the pre-order link from Two Sylvias!) Thank you to everyone who contributed to this book as a beta reader, as an interviewee, or just moral support, and of course my two wonderful editors, Kelli Russell Agodon and Annette Spaulding-Convy! (And by the way, if you want me to talk to your class via Skype about this subject, contact me and let me know!) So for those of you waiting, the book should be out soon! My hopes and ambitions for this book are really just to empower more poets to feel confident about doing their best to promote their book and get it into the hands of readers, and not feel guilty/weird about it. Maybe I’ll pitch an AWP panel on it for Portland!

I’ve got a cold today but a lot of my friends and family are locked-in with snow on the East Coast and midwest, so it could be worse. It’s cold and rainy today, but we are supposed to get sunshine (finally) this weekend, so prepare to see some pics of any possible flowers! Remember it’s Daylight Savings Time starting Sunday! That means our sun won’t be setting til almost seven really soon – yippee!

What are you doing for International Women’s Day? Maybe I’ll go on Twitter and talk about some favorite women poets!

How to Survive (and Thrive) Not Going to AWP Tampa

How to Survive (and Thrive) Not Going to AWP 2018

Perhaps you can’t afford it. Perhaps it’s too far away this year – after all, Tampa is the opposite corner of the country from some of us. Perhaps you just didn’t feel like going. Whatever the reason, here are a few things to cheer you up about NOT going to AWP 2018! (I am aware that my blog has been a little downbeat lately, so I thought I’d write a blog post that’s a little more cheery. Here you go!) I am a veteran of going to AWP and NOT going to AWP (I’ve been going on and off for twenty years!) so I can offer a few solaces for those of us not facing the circus this time around.

Well, they say AWP is all about networking and making connections. But you’re a writer – chances are, you’re an introvert who hates small talk and big crowds. In my case, I’m an extrovert who’s very susceptible to germs, needs a wheelchair to make it down long hallways (or a bookfair). and is not only allergic to a lot of foods, I can’t drink alcohol. So even with every wire of my sparkling personality turned on, it’s tough to make a good impression at a conference that revolves around often inaccessible venues and a ton of alcohol. So what to do instead? Write a sparkling fan letter to a writer you love. Write a sparkling cover letter and send your manuscript to that press you’ve been dreaming about. So what if you don’t spend time at a party with them? They probably won’t remember it anyway, because seriously, everyone at AWP is sleep-deprived or hammered. (Love you, AWP!)
One of the best parts of AWP, everyone agrees, is the bookfair. The chance to discover new literary magazines, small press publishers, or stumble upon the book that will change your life. But here’s a little secret: your university or indie bookstore is a great place to browse for lit mags and poetry books! Spend a little extra time poking through the magazine section, even at B&N, and I bet you’ll find something new. Spend a little money on a couple of poetry books either by people you’ve heard about or writer you love who have something new out. Order some books through the library. You can enjoy the exposure to new work from your own hometown. A staycation bookfair, as it were! (In Seattle, Boston, or Boulder, you could visit the local poetry-only bookstores and get your poetry high there.)
Get some extra sleep. Drink a green smoothie, or at least, eat some vegetables. Wash your hands. Put on a face mask. It’s still winter, after all, and flu season, so take this non-AWP time to restore whatever’s been missing from your health – whether that’s time outdoors, extra C, going to the doctor or dentist, or just plain taking some down time. Yeah. Those AWP-goers won’t be doing any of those things, I promise. By day three, they will be jealous of your extra sleep! Plus, no AWP flu!
Call a writer friend and get together to talk shop. Bonus points if it’s someone you haven’t talked to in a while, or someone who works in another genre who has tips to share you might not have heard elsewhere.
Go to a reading. It doesn’t have to be big and expensive – it can be at your local coffee shop. Dress up for it, go out for coffee afterwards, make it an evening event. Don’t you feel a warm glow from supporting your local writing community. Take some pictures and post them on social media. See? You are networking after all! Then send some work to a journal you’ve never sent to before. (You’ve already done the homework in Step 2!)

Bonus: Save up for next year’s AWP, because it’s in Portland, and Portland is cool but it can be pricey, especially if you 1. like food or 2. like books, or 3. like doing anything. Have to park. Stay in a hotel. And let’s face it, Portland is a way more hip city to visit than um, Tampa. (No offense, Tampa-ites, but just…I can’t think of a less literary city. No, I probably can. Give me some time.) Every time I go to Portland I come back thinking of the things I should probably be doing to be hipper, then not doing any of them. But hey, maybe you will decide now’s the time for that cool haircut/neon hair color/tattoo. Anyway, start that fund now. Put a few pennies in a jar. That’s what you’re saving by not going to Tampa. (PS I am also allergic to the sun, another reason why Tampa may not appeal to me in particular, and Portland does. Vampires love the Northwest for a reason! So if you like me hate the sun, whee, enjoy not being in Florida in March where it’s 80 degrees!)

PS: No awkward AWP moments, no AWP creepers (listen, it happens every year) and no AWP hangover! OK, that’s all the bonuses I can think of right now. But feel free to add yours in the comments! #AWPsurvivaltipsforthosewhoarentgoing

And for extra cheer, here are a few upbeat pictures! Cats in flowers! Pigs! And thankfully, finally, Glenn and I ditching the reno for a few minutes to bask in some sunshine!

: Sylvia’s perch surveying reno from

: Pig peeking

: Glenn and I in March sun!

Grieving, Jenny Diski’s In Gratitude, Losing a Loved One, Winter Returns

Grieving – Having just finished Jenny Diski’s excellent memoir In Gratitude on her own experience of dying (and the death of her mentor, Doris Lessing) I learned one of my favorite relatives, my Aunt Charlotte, died unexpectedly of complications from the flu this morning. This is in the middle of a house in the middle of reconstruction, dust and drills, of course, as grief never happens in the proper time or place. And it seems there has been a return of winter this week – several dustings of snow and more alarming, icy roads, right when I was hoping for spring.

I probably won’t be able to fly cross-country for the funeral – a hardship to travel these days health-wise – but I hope she is celebrated for her good spirit and her nurturing ways. She had the most beautiful name – Charlotte – which I think is too rare, much like her, a woman devoted to her family (her son and husband had passed away within the last year) and to helping others, and a cheering influence on me in the early days of my health troubles in Virginia, way before I was diagnosed with most of the things that would eventually be found later by other, better specialists.

How is it there is never space for death and time to grieve, that people often end up dead too quickly to say goodbye (my aunt had just been discharged from the hospital – apparently too soon – and I was waiting to call until she felt a little bit better.) I was planning my own funeral around this time last year, I remember taking pictures of the cherry blossoms wondering if I would live to see another round, the death sentence had been passed (perhaps a little early) on me by all-knowing and very experienced doctors, and I was picking out music and where I wanted my ashes scattered, who I wanted to have my books and art (the only things I have worth anything, really.) But then I didn’t die, I’m still alive, still dealing with the messy realities of many many specialist and therapy appointments for my various medical things related to 1. liver full of tumors and 2. brain full of lesions among other lesser issues like asthma. And living is complicated and full of irritations – side effects of drugs, obstacles to our goals, not enough time paid having fun, too much time in lines or working on grant applications or taxes. Life’s little annoyances take up our brainspace, we forget to say “I love you” or prioritize spending time with loved ones doing the things that make life worth living, thinking life goes on forever.

Jenny starts off the memoir making “Breaking Bad” jokes but ends up, you can tell, irritable at the limitations of her body, the side effects of chemo, radiation and steroids, her falls and lack of concentration. You can watch her brilliant mind trick off her memories of the sixties and eighties and the things she learned about life, art, and family along the way. She had a hard life but didn’t really complain about it – in some ways she had a magic life, being taken in by a leading novelist when her goal was to be a writer, adopting Sylvia Plath’s very own kitten (given to Doris at the time of Sylvia’s demise, and passed along to Jenny) and generally having many extraordinary experiences, and ending fairly happy and fairly successful, though her end was not easy. (Jenny died of a mix of lung cancer and pulmonary fibrosis, quite similar to my aunt whose lung problems – COPD – complicated her ability to fight this year’s extraordinary nasty flu virus. Lungs are such delicate instruments and so susceptible in even people with the strongest spirits.)

Anyway, where is the space is Western life – between work and play, social media and in-person gatherings – for grief? How uncomfortable are we with the realities of death and dying, our own mortalities, that we rush to comfort people with platitudes. After a week of bitter cold, rain, and snow, the sun is shining right now out my window, and the sounds of the drills and hammers are quiet. My husband is not here. If I wanted to spend time crying I could. But I am a person who deals with hard things by writing about them. I did think it was appropriate to include this recent picture of the first crocus here, as my aunt was an avid gardener who loved flowers. I hope wherever you are is full of flowers, Aunt Charlotte.

A piece on rape culture on The Rumpus, outrage fatigue, a renovation and accessibility, and what to do when your brain lets you down

Today my piece “What Happens When Girls are Raped as Children” is up on The Rumpus as part of their Enough series on rape culture, along with some other terrific, gut-wrenching pieces:

http://therumpus.net/2018/02/enough-i-am-never-the-same-girl-again/

I’m a little tired today because since the beginning of the week we’ve torn out two 1980’s sticky sliding doors and replaced them with easy-opening French doors, as well as torn down part of the wall of our bedroom to make more space for an accessible closet. If you’ve ever wondered what an accessible closet looks like, I hope to post pictures soon, but it involves a larger opening (so I can get in if I’m in a wheelchair) and more shelving for easy access to clothes. I should never complain because 1. I have a house that was mostly already accessible and 2. I’m thankful to finally have some money (after eighteen months of living in the house) to do some more renovations, but I’m also super allergic to everything (paint, glue, insulation) involved in a renovation, so I’ve mostly been hiding out trying not to get sick and trying to get some writing done. I’ve written one poem and sent out one submission so far – nothing for the record books, but at least something during a week when I had a renovation plus five (that’s right) medical appointments going on already. One of the things I’m trying to do is not let “accessible” mean “ugly” and try to infuse some style in with the things I have to do to make my house usable with my motor skill and walking problems. I’ll post some pictures soon! We also painted a wall blue in the bedroom (something I’ve done in almost every house I’ve lived in – I love an accent wall!)

I spent an hour yesterday in an MS therapist’s office doing cognitive testing so they can track what’s going on in my brain. Yes, it is harder to concentrate than it used to be – it takes me much longer to write a book review or read a book or even a magazine. Yes, it’s harder to keep a phone number (or face) in my head for long. Is it harder to do math, to recognize symbols, to memorize certain lists? I don’t have the results yet, but it felt as stressful and difficult as those placement exams they give you in sixth grade. I came out exhausted and my house torn up and my cat hiding because she’s easily traumatized having people in the house. Sigh. I’m hoping the results and exercises they will lead to will help recover some of my memory problems. While I try to retrain my balance and walking abilities, I am also trying to retrain my brain so that it will function at least as well as it did up until last July.

If you’ve always relied on your brain, rather than your body, for a sense of self-worth and self-respect, and it lets you down, it’s disheartening. It’s frustrating. But one neurologist who specializes in recovering from different types of brain injury (including MS lesions) told me that we don’t really know what the brain can do when challenged, how plastic our memory and abilities. As a writer I’ve tried to continue to write through all the health challenges I’ve had, even when my fingers could barely type. The piece I wrote about the consequences of being raped when I was six (and pondering the long-term consequences for so may girls who have had these things happen to them) was written a few months ago when I was still practicing my motor skills and swallowing, and I hope it will be helpful to someone. Talking about rape isn’t super fun or upbeat, but until we start protecting people and standing up against a culture of “boys will be boys” and “it’s okay for girls to suffer in silence” and “well, it happens to everyone” I’m afraid that little girls will be in the same danger I was in in 1979. As I talked about in my last post, it’s important not to get so fatigued mentally, spiritually, physically that we stop fighting for what is right. I am trying.

Why We Can’t Be Complacent, or What is My Responsibility as a Writer

I’m not going to lie, the last couple of days have been hard on me, and this post is a little heavier because of it. I’ve had the respiratory virus that’s going around, and that triggered my MS, and I sprained my back right before Valentine’s Day, so I’ve been kind of motionless. The school shooting on Valentine’s Day killed seventeen people, mostly kids. The passing of a bill in the mostly Republican House that would dismantle the ADA – protections for disabled people – people like me. I take that as a personal attack, not only on me, but on everyone a little different. I recall that the Nazis started by quietly killing off disabled people. A country that keeps saying that disabled veterans are a priority but taking away their benefits, even the ramps for their wheelchairs, is messed up. A country’s President that says he cares about mental illness and school safety but defunds both, and besides that, changes the law so that mentally ill people can buy guns more easily. The hypocrisy, and evil, that is taking place in front of our eyes if we keep them open – how can we respond?

But you might say, beyond voting, calling our reps, or donating money to a good cause, what can we really do? The lobbies of hotel corporations who do not want to have to build ramps for wheelchairs or the NRA who does not want the politicians it gives money to to vote against, say, a seventeen year old kid with a history of abusing his girlfriend and threatening to shoot classmates the ability to buy an assault rifle, then what can we regular folks, not politicians or lobbyists or people with big money, do about it?

Well, I am a writer. I can write about the things that make me angry, afraid, sad about how our country is acting. I can be (gasp) political, even if I do not feel especially comfortable writing political things. Here are some facts about me that influence my belief system and of course how I write. I was raised in Knoxville and Cincinnati, two bastions of conservative conservatives, but feel much more at home here in the artistic and more liberal Pacific Northwest. I learned how to shoot a rifle when I was seven years old, and I owned my own gun up until about ten years ago. I was six when I was raped. I became a Christian after reading the Bible when I was 12 and it helped me recover from a life-threatening suicidal anorexia. I have been in and out of wheelchairs for about nine years, and have been diagnosed with, among other things, a rare bleeding disorder, a bunch of odd and life-threatening allergies, a horseshoe kidney, liver tumors that may or may not be cancer (still doing tests), and a bunch of brain lesions from MS.

I tell you these things for a reason. They all impact what I choose to write, and how I write about it. All these things, these truths we can choose (or choose not to) tell, affect how we see the world. Are guns dangerous? Are all Christians intolerant? Should we build government buildings that include ramps, or protect the jobs of people with different abilities? What should we do when a woman says she was raped by a man – do we believe her, or do we demand some kind of physical evidence, even if she’s a traumatized child, say. How about domestic abusers? Should they be allowed to have guns? What is our reaction to a school shooting – do we merely add our thoughts and prayers, or do we take action to stop them? Can we encourage politicians to change the laws to stop selling weapons to children with a history of violence?

Any writer cannot help but have a point of view. It will be determined by our race, our gender, our histories, our family, our sense of place, our faith, our biases. We have a sense of what is right and wrong, what is just or unjust. We are called upon to witness, yes. But are we called upon to try to make a better world just with our writing? Can we imagine our way to a better world? Can journalists, instead of glamorizing a shooter, tell us more about the lives of the victims? Can journalists not shove cameras in the faces of recently-traumatized children? Can we write poems that lead people to think differently about current events? Maybe. I am currently laid up, but I don’t believe I’m completely powerless.

I don’t have all the answers, but I know for sure the answer isn’t to give up, to shrug our shoulders and say “that’s just the way the world is.” That’s the opposite of making anything better. Poetry, visual art, fiction, non-fiction, journalism – all of these are forms that can influence people. We have a responsibility to try to be an influence for a better world. Let’s make a little noise in a dark universe.