2018 so far: A Poem in Rogue Agent, New Year Zoo Lights, Luck and Poetry Fees, and Thinking About the New Year and New Poetry Blogs!

The new year surprised me on January 1 with a new issue of Rogue Agent, which had one of my poems from my new manuscript in it called “Self-Portrait as Radioactive Girl.” It’s a wonderful issue if you check out the whole thing.

So far in the new year, I’ve received two rejections and an acceptance already! I also bought Powerball tickets, something we only do one time a year. This made me muse of the subject of luck, money, and poetry. (My theory was, I had so much bad luck health-wise in the last year, that perhaps the universe would let me win the lottery? I mean, not the whole thing, but a couple of million, enough to pay off student loans, start a poetry charity, and buy my retired parents a house in WA state?) And here’s a sign, lucky or not – today the sun shone bright over Mt. Rainier, and I saw a coyote in the middle of a field, running in a circle, stopping, and running in the other direction. This was under the giant white mountain and bright blue sky in a field of green. If I were a painter…

The Millions had an interesting essay on the “pay to play” model of poetry submissions: https://themillions.com/2018/01/paying-to-play-on-solvency-and-submissions-fees-in-poetry-publishing.html. I also keep an Excel spreadsheet noting financial costs and gains from poetry – submission fees, of course, royalties, literary magazine payments, getting paid for the occasional class or reading. When I make money from poetry, I try to put money back into poetry. I want to support the literary community as much as I can.  I spent some time at the end of the year subscribing to a few journals, as I do every year – I try to rotate the journals so I can support as many as possible. I buy a LOT of poetry books (although I get a decent number as review copies) because 1. I want to support my local stores that carry poetry and 2. I want to support small presses that publish poetry. But I do also support the idea of literary publishers, organizations and journals trying to raise money outside the small circle of poets that want to publish – by reaching out more, trying more ways to gain subscribers, maybe advertising? What do you think? I remember being poor enough that every book contest fee hurt. I feel that fees have gone way up since I started trying to publish work waaay back in 2001-2.

We also decided to take a brief spur of energy to go out on the last day of the Woodland Park Zoo Lights show under the supermoon on New Year’s Day. It was very cold – I had on earmuffs, gloves, and a heavy coat, Ugg boots and I was still freezing after about thirty minutes (I know you Northeasterners are having killer storms, but thirty degrees is very cold for Seattle!)

The poetry blogs are rolling again, and it’s a wonderful way to get to know more about some of your favorite writers! Donna Vorreyer has a wonderful list of poets who have joined up and proposed at least weekly blog posts here. Reading poetry blogs will definitely make you feel better than reading the news (oh my God, are we going to die in a nuclear war? No, don’t read the news…) and maybe think about participating!

Happy New Year! Visions for 2018, Things to hope for: Art Friends Flowers Fun

What are you hoping to put into your life in 2018?

More health, more happiness, more hope? More art, more time for simple pleasures, more friendships? Every year for the past decade I’ve messed around with art collage to create one of those vision boards. This year I did the fastest one I’ve ever done, which resulted in more intuitive results (and fewer straight lines, perhaps.) I like this exercise because 1. it forces me to recognize the amateur levels of my art skillz, 2. it makes me think about the things I want more of in my life.

What do you want the in your vision? 2017 was certainly nothing like I planned. It’s part of why I stopped doing resolutions in my thirties – with chronic health problems, I knew that any resolutions – even small ones – could be easily disrupted, thrown off – our illusion of control over five pounds, or even, say, the ability to type an e-mail or to remember the last five minutes – really IS an illusion. We do not have that much control over our lives, even though when I was younger (and more optimistic? and more arrogant?) I believed that we did. The things we CAN ultimately control are the way we respond what life throws our way. We can also make small moves to include more “blank.” I call these my aspirations. In my case, in the coming year, I want to include more of the following: laughter, fun, friendship, flowers, inspiration, art, poetry. If I could get a little break from dramatic health stuff, that would be great too, universe!

In the vein of including more art AND more friends, we had a little pre-New-Year’s-Eve celebration with our friend Tacoma artist (and animal rescuer – she’s a professional rescuer now, the person who goes out on cliffs to save dogs and horses! What an inspiration!) Michaela Eaves. Glenn made about fifteen courses for dinner. Here’s a picture of us where she pretends to be my height (she’s actually much taller) – with her beautiful fox painting in the background:

What are your aspirations for 2018? Sometimes, just like making a collage, simply writing down our hopes can help us articulate what we want more (or less of.) Tonight we’ll go out on the town briefly and then ring in the New Year with grapes (good luck? wishes?) and black eyed peas (which I think represent prosperity) and greens (same?) I’m a little cloudy on all my New Year’s eve traditions, but we’ll also have something bubbly and try to steal a kiss at midnight.

Anyway, I’m hoping for a healthier and happier 2018 for us all! This year’s New Year’s Eve Supermoon seems like a good omen, doesn’t it?

 

 

Happy Holidays – White Christmas in Seattle, Presents, Ready for the New Year, and New Poetry Bloggers

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday, and got all the things you wished for! We had a rare (for Seattle) White Christmas – the road to our house was actually officially closed, it was so snowy and icy – so we were trapped inside, which wasn’t too bad because we had plenty of food and I had a cold! I did get some poems written, re-ordered and cut some poems out of my manuscript, and spent quality time with my favorite holiday movies and the cats. (Bishop’s Wife, Fellowship of the Ring, and a Hitchcock marathon.) But trying to walk outside with my MS-related vertigo, ice, and a cane yesterday was not an adventure I’d recommend to others! Check out our walkway – this is before we got three inches of snow!

I had a very art-filled Christmas, both giving and receiving, this year.  A few of my fave presents – a pink quartz necklace by a local artist, Glenn got me a perfume from small-batch perfumer Ellis Brooklyn called “Sci Fi” – appropriate for me, no? And art by Yumiko Kawakuya. Also, unpictured, an out-of-print book ordered from England by one of my fave writers, Stella Gibbons, called The Snow Woman. So old I had to freeze it before reading to get rid of the musty smell (a librarian trick I learned!) Doesn’t that sound good? I can’t wait to break into it. I felt good supporting local artists and writers for the holidays this year – I plan to try it again next year. Unless my friends and family complain about receiving too much art or too many books.

I actually sent out a poetry submission Christmas Eve, wrote a poem on Christmas, and sent out the newest manuscript the day after Christmas! I was feeling very energetic (probably from being trapped inside during the snow! Or the cold medicine.) How about you? I’m ready to set some new writing goals for 2018, and one of them is helping another woman writer with a chronic illness somehow in the coming year. I haven’t exactly figured out the details, but watch this space!

In other happy new year news, a return of poetry blogging in 2018 and I couldn’t be more excited! Facebook and Twitter are too short-form to really capture the writer’s anxieties, excitements, discussions of publishers, literary magazines, even mini-reviews. Here are some links at Kelli Agodon’s newly reopened blog, The Book of Kells! We are committing to posting at least once a week – I’ve tried to do that anyway, but I’ll include a little MS-related and disability-related writing stuff along the way, along with PR, publishing, poetry in general. I’m looking forward to a better 2018, honestly. How about you? Any goals you want to share?

Happy Holidays: Art, Poetry, and Pink Hair Edition

Glenn wearing a fetching Prairie Schooner t-shirt with me posing with poinsettias

Happy Holidays, my friends. In my last post I talked about survival mechanisms that helped me during a terrible year. Among these things, I included art, poetry, and friends. In the last week, I tried to include all three! Hey, I can’t be all gloom and doom. Visited Redmond’s VALA for the Impact show, Creatura’s new animal-charity-and-pop-gothic-art shop in Capitol Hill, and had a poetry date with Kelli Agodon, where we talked about our new manuscripts-in-progress and Christmassed it up (Christmas as a verb!) Plus, I’ve decided to take the plunge and try pink hair for 2018! Something about getting diagnosed with MS makes you want to make a symbolic effort to take some control over your body, I think. Anyway, I don’t have any reason not to have pink hair these days. What, am I going to scare the neighbors? (Also snuck out to see the new Star Wars movie. Too long, but loved the crystal-salt-foxes.)

Also, I’ve got a new poem, “Self-Portrait as Escape Artist” in the newest issue of Rattle (modeled with Sylvia below), and I got a few new lit mag subscriptions for Christmas – including Prairie Schooner, whose t-shirt Glenn models here.

Poet Fun

It’s important for us to get together with friends around the holidays, which can feel too rushed to really appreciate, and do some things that affirm our love of art, poetry, lip gloss, etc.

Creatura

Managed to go check out Kirsten Anderson (formerly of Roq La Rue gallery) new project Creatura, which cleverly combines her love and support of animals and pop-surrealist-gothic art. I left with a little art pin and a pink skill bracelet. I’ll be back to see local artist’s work!

VALA

And went to Redmond’s VALA for their Impact show, four artists (including mastermind Jacqui Calledine) working for social justice. Fascinating stuff, and I got to catch up with several of my favorite artist friends!

How to Survive a Terrible Year (End-of-year edition)

Carillon Point Holiday Lights

How to Survive a No-Good, Terrible, Rotten Year (end of 2017 edition)

Hey kids! How’s the holiday season treating you? Myself, stressed, still dealing with the limitations and frustrations of MS, cracked three molars in a matter of weeks, just got the temporary crown put on one which triggered more MS symptoms. I’m supposed to be out with friends tonight – but instead I’m home in bed. So, it’s been that kind of week.

But to be honest, it’s been that kind of year. If I sent out a holiday letter of this year to my friends and family, it would sound terrible, because this year has been terrible. Yeah, I was diagnosed with cancer, went through a lot of testing, found out I didn’t have cancer, spent two months vomiting and unable to walk, got diagnosed with MS, spent six months learning to walk/talk/swallow/function again, and now that’s where we are. Sweet! Happy holidays! A really great message, right?

But I have learned some things about how to survive a straight-up terrible year – and yes, I am including politics, the world in general, in the things that made up this particular year, because everything on every channel was disaster all the time, and if you’re a girl who’s been abused, double that. Also, nuclear anxieties.

Five Things to Help You Survive a Terrible Year

Here are some helpful thing that I did that I recommend for you during your own version of a terrible year. And believe me, I have heard from some of you and you guys had a worse year than me. Seriously. Comparisons help no one, but still, I’m sorry if that’s been the case.

  1. Have people around you that make you feel better. Have them over for tea even if you think you look terrible, your house isn’t perfect, etc. Being around other humans you love who love you – be they family, long-lost friend, co-worker, or just a fellow journeyer through a particular road (you both lost people you love, you both got diagnosed with the same thing) can really increase the happiness value in your life. Especially if you’re extroverted, like I am, but forced to remain in captivity for a while, for whatever reason.
  2. Pets can absolutely help. Anyone who doesn’t know this has not had a dog or cat or tiny horse come cuddle up to them when they hurt, when they’re tired, when they’re crying. There is nothing that they cannot help feel better. I have two fluffy cats but there is room in my life for a real menagerie, if my husband wasn’t allergic to all the rest of them. (Tiny horse, you are in my future, I promise!)
  3. Comedies. I mean, this is not the time to tackle long Russian novels about murder or take on a Netflix series about suicide. No. This is the time for funny. Classic screwball comedies – Cary Grant, Katherine Hepburn, Barbara Stanwyk, – work well. Or sci-fi nuttiness – Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Futurama – or beloved recent shows like 30 Rock or Community (an underrated classic, check it out.) These were my drugs of choice. I may have even watched a few Hallmark movies. No shame in that, they always have happy endings and the amazing lives of the heroines (tenured Yale job AND a bestselling novel? Why not!) will cheer you up for at least a little bit. My little brother highly recommends video games as a distraction for pain relief, and you know what? He’s not wrong – there is real science that says you will feel less pain if you play video games while recovering from surgery, for example. Anything to take your mind off of yourself and your pain. Which brings me to…
  4. Do something nice for others. It may not seem like the natural time for charity, you may not be feeling particularly generous, in fact if you felt grumpier and more Scrooge-like than usual, that would be normal. But doing even a small thing for someone else – opening a door, chatting in line sympathetically to someone obviously struggling, sending someone a care package, card or flowers – these don’t only cheer up the other person, they will cheer you up. Believe me.
  5. Art saves us. It does. I have written a ton, a ton of poems during my terrible year. Probably not all great. I have also listened to a LOT of audiobooks. I read poetry. I surrounded myself with as much visual art as I could, when I could, and music. I listened to a lot of new music. I tried to go out of my way to support other artists in the ways I could (I couldn’t write as many reviews this year – typing was difficult for about four months and my mental capacity was absolutely affected by the MS for a while – but I could buy books, literary magazines, chapbooks.) Make time for yourself to draw, read, listen to music.

So those are my top five tips for surviving a terrible, shitty, no-good year. If you have more tips and wisdom to share, I welcome them in the comments, because I am still trying to get by the best way I can without becoming a giant pain to everyone else. That is sometimes the best we an do.

PS: One little extra thing – try to celebrate the little moments of joy, of being out of pain, of being able to do things – as you can. Life is not about being constantly happy. In fact, it is often about suffering (like many works of art tell us, including The Princess Bride and Joe vs. the Volcano.) But there are the small things we can celebrate in the moments in between that make our bodies, our souls, capable of sustaining the pressure. I tell myself often: you have to give your body a reason to live. You can’t just expect it to keep going for the sake of going. Remind yourself of the good things. Buy a damn candle or some flowers, yes, pet a dog, buy a kid a book, give someone you love a hug.

It’s that time of year again – poetry presents! Copper Canyon holiday party report, Supermoons, and more…

It’s holiday time, and that means more parties and more poetry! It can be stressful on the schedule but I think it’s worth putting in at least a few celebrations (for me, in between doctor and physical therapy appointments and calls to insurance companies – fun!) Last night we attended the Copper Canyon holiday party, which was a lot of fun, and got to see Traci Brimhall read from her new book, Saudade. And I came home with five new books of poetry, to keep or to gift!

We also celebrated Christmas a little early because my little brother was in town, and we wanted to have “Christmas” dinner together. And there’s a picture of the giant supermoon that appeared that night!

And remember, a poetry book makes a great present! There were so many good books out this year! Poetry is a very personal gift, but also something I think more people need after a year that was stressful for so many. Here’s a link where you can buy any of my five books – either signed directly from me or from Amazon. Do think of supporting artists and writers around this time of year – it means more than giving a gift card and it improves the world of culture at a time when it is under attack. I already bought some art prints that I’m going to frame and give and of course I have a stack of books for gift bags for friends!

New Poem up at American Poetry Journal, a reading at Open Books, and Holiday Lights at the Botanical Gardens

New Poem Up at American Poetry Journal’s new issue

First, thanks to American Poetry Journal, a poem from my new manuscript-in-progress, “Another Attempt at Disaster Preparedness,” is up with their new issue here:

https://www.apjpoetry.org/one-more-attempt-jeannine-h-gailey It’s always wonderful to see work from a manuscript you’re working on get published, because it gives you a little more confidence . If you read this poem and the poem from Redactions that I linked in the last post, “Self-Portrait as Appalachian Ballad,” together, you’ll sort of see the themes of the new book!

MS Relapses and the Bellevue Botanical Gardens Holiday Lights

It’s been a busy couple of days, both poetry-wise and in actual life. Apparently I had a little MS relapse, which showed up in horrible dizziness, fatigue, and weakness, but a few days of steroids have me feeling much better. I’m learning to recognize when MS is “acting up” – there’s a prelude of fatigue and dizziness, and then boom! I can’t walk without falling over again. It’s frustrating, but I’m learning.

On one of the days I wasn’t feel well took me to the Bellevue Botanical Gardens to see their yearly holiday light show. I had to be back in a wheelchair, but it was a beautiful, unrainy night and I really loved seeing the holiday lights. Here are a few details – a blue heron, a spider web, an aquarium scene and Glenn and I enjoying the lights.

Kelli and Victoria at Open Books

Tuesday I was able to rally enough to go see Kelli Russell Agodon and Victoria Chang read at our poetry-only bookstore Open Books. I loved seeing poetry friends I hadn’t seen in a while, browsing through Open Books, and hearing poetry. A really good night. Here are a few pics and a picture of my take from Open Books (I already had Barbie Chang – I recommend it!)

More Fallout from Guys Being Creeps and NPR Loses Writer’s Almanac and its Archives

Yesterday was a sad day in that Garrison Keillor has been fired and Writer’s Almanac is no more. Years ago, Writer’s Almanac featured two poems from Becoming the Villainess, and it helped bring an audience to my poetry that would never otherwise have found it. Now that the archives are no longer up and the show’s disappeared, I can’t help but feel a little loss. I do hope NPR decides to have a new show that features contemporary poetry. May I suggest a female host, NPR?

Cyber Monday Special and a Pushcart Nomination, and Survival Skills for the Sick

Bellevue Botanical Garden Lights

This year’s tree

Cyber Monday Poetry Special!

Hey guys! Consider supporting poets and poetry today on “Cyber Monday!”  I’m offering a special – all five books for $62 including shipping! Otherwise, a dollar off all individual books plus free shipping! (That would make Becoming the Villainess $11, She Returns to the Floating World $11, Unexplained Fevers $14, The Robot Scientist’s Daughter $14, and Field Guide to the End of the World $14.) Of course I will sign these as well if you like!

You can e-mail me at jeannine dot gailey at live dot com or just use the handy Paypal button below!


If you can’t afford to purchase much poetry this holiday season, for yourself or as gifts, consider leaving a kind comment to someone whose book you enjoyed, leave an Amazon review for a book you loved, or asking your library to purchase a book you like.

A Pushcart Nomination

I wanted to say thank you to Redactions and Tom Holmes for nominating a poem from my new manuscript-in-progress, “Self-Portrait as Appalachian Ballad,” for a Pushcart. I’ve been nominated before but never included in that sacred anthology, so hopefully I have better luck this year with this year’s judge. You can read “Self-Portrait as Appalachian Ballad” as well as Redactions’ other Pushcart nominated poems here.

Survival Skills for the Sick (Holiday Edition)

I surprised myself by decorating most of the weekend, getting Christmas cards, writing poetry, reading, and not doing all that much shopping. We had a relaxing Thanksgiving, just Glenn and I, not doing much, and that was maybe good for me. Usually I am type-A get-it-down-girl starting the day after Thanksgiving. But I had a crazy week last week with the doctors. dentists, which left me with a lot of vertigo and fatigue (apparently these are my big MS symptoms.) Those appointments are so stressful and it is so easy for someone (with any chronic health problem, not just MS) to let them take over their lives. I struggle with trying to protect myself and trying to have a balance between stressful/horrible things (unfortunately, we often can’t avoid the worst parts of life) and the joyful, affirming parts of life – being with people who bring out the best in me, spending time in nature or with art or music or animals. There’s something about health that doctors never touch on – the need to reaffirm within ourselves that besides the prescriptions, the onerous tests, the therapies and the medications, we need a reason to keep on living. We need to motivate ourselves that there is a reason to suffer through the rest of it. I have a lovely older friend who has had cancer a long time who has been such an inspiration to me, joyful, youthful and determined to enjoy her life. She told me that one of her secrets is to treat her body as a friend, not an enemy, and to schedule happy things before and after chemo treatments and surgeries. For her, having something to look forward to is as important to her treatment as the medical stuff.

Starting a new MS drug soon – Tecfidera – which has some scary side effects but hopefully will be effective in slowing down the inflammation and growing number of lesions in my brain – is an exercise, really, in hope. You hope the new drug will help, that the side effects won’t be too bad or keep you from living the rest of your life. Going to occupational, physical, and in my case, vestibular therapies are also exercises in hope – in hope that you will get better, feel better, regain some of your lost capacities. Hope is really an important component in the treatment of disease.

So I am wishing you, both my healthy friends and those who aren’t, hope and joy this holiday season. In the middle of the mayhem, be sure to pencil in a few hours of down time. Make your favorite dinner, or a batch of cookies, put on the music you like (I’ve been playing the Lumineers Cleopatra album and Aimee Mann’s Mental Illness, along with the cable Yule Log Christmas carols) whether it’s holiday-appropriate or not, watch a happy-making show or movie, talk to someone you like over the phone. Spend less time with the news. Read a few poems, write a few poems, get lost in a murder mystery or Paris memoir (two of my guilty pleasures). Don’t be so hard on yourself, your body, your ideas of what the holidays should be.

Playing Defense Against Life, Happy Thanksgiving, and Starting MS Treatment

Happy Thanksgiving, and Thanks for this review!

Thanks to  for this kind new review of Field Guide to the End of the World at Hellnotes just in time for Thanksgiving gratefulness!

I got to visit Margaret Rhee’s class on pop culture and fan fiction and that was really fun – I even came up with a flash fiction exercise! And the class was really bright and asked good questions. Thanks, Margaret, for asking me!
I am also super grateful to my friends and family for the love and support they have sent my way, keeping me tied to the “real world” while I tried to recover from the sudden onset of severe MS symptoms. I’m also thankful for sunbreaks in November, my cuddly kitten Sylvia, and gardening stores that have cheerful displays despite the oncoming dark of winter.

Playing Defense Against Life

You can’t really do it, can you? I used to be on defense on my soccer team and I was pretty good at it – so far, not so in the “life” team. I’ve been trying to practice the best self-care I can lately, but last week I cracked off a large part of a back molar on one side, then two days later, chipped off part of a totally different molar on the other side of the mouth. Dental work (just an exam, xray, and grinding down the sharp points – the real work won’t happen til later) meant a resurgence of tooth pain and TMJ, and following it the next day with an MRI meant even more tension and grinding. And then I gave myself a concussion getting into the car in the rain. Nightmares every night this week – and did I mention a different doctor and dental appointment every day of last week – and today?

MS Treatment Begins

So I got the results yesterday through e-mail from my most recent MRI and not only does the neurologist think it’s definitely MS, enough for the insurance men to be happy with the official diagnosis, but I’ve actually increased the number of lesions in the last four months, and the inflammation hasn’t decreased the way the neurologist had hoped. Now the “lesion load” has gone from “low” to “moderate.” Seems like my brain is really angry. I went in for the neurologist visit today and he’s recommended gabapentin for the nausea and dizziness (which he believes is caused by inflammation on the brain stem lesion) and immediately starting a new MS drug called Tecfidera. We’ll see how I do – they both have a couple of nasty side effect but Tecfidera is one of the most effective treatments they have. (meaning it’s about fifty percent effective – still pretty pathetic in terms of effectiveness, in my mind.) First the doctor has to convince the insurance I can skip trying two other drugs most MS patients have to try before taking Tecfidera – he’s using the unusual ferocity and quickness of the onset of lesions this year as his reasoning. So much busy work has to be done by doctors – and because of required testing, patients too – just to get care. It’s insane.

Anyway, needless to say tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I can barely chew on my broken teeth and because of the TMJ. Wah wahhh. I’m trying to be thankful, I really am. Tomorrow it’s going to be just me and Glenn, and we’ll take it easy and watch “Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving” and maybe the parade. It’s supposed to pour rain. But as you can see from the pictures above, we’re still trying to take advantage of every break in the rain to get out into nature – to my mind, one of the most healing things around. We will try to create opportunities for celebration and joy in what has been a trying season.  I wish you and yours a peaceful and joyous Thanksgiving weekend, however you choose to celebrate – or just relax.

Creating a book manuscript, What to Do When the Lights Go Out, Managing the Holidays (with a chronic illness)

Creating a new book manuscript

I’ve been working on a new book for the last year or two, sort of intermittently, but in the last few weeks, started give serious attention to organization, sectioning, working with different titles, and figuring out things like theme and length.
I used a Word cloud of my manuscript to help me brainstorm ideas for a title. I’ve had at least three over the last six months, which means I probably don’t have “the one” yet. I’ve just exchanged manuscripts with a friend at a similar place with her book and I am so grateful because you can only look at your own book for so long before your eyes crossed. I do all the things with her MS I do with my own – print it out, read it through to see what themes pop out at me and for possible titles, mess around with it on the floor to figure out alternate organization – it all requires real paper, I think. I am very lucky to have friends who are willing to trade manuscripts with me at this point in my life. And I’m trying to do my best – since I was too sick to do much writing or submitting and lost some time this year – to get the poems from this book out into the world. I’ve included a picture of my word cloud below! I have freelance work I could be doing, but it felt like I needed to spend some time in the rainy month of November doing some creative work that helps recharge me.

What to do when the lights go out

October was beautiful this year – we saw sunshine and the turning leaves, and often we don’t get much of a fall here in the northwest – but November has kind of been a jerk. The last ten days I’ve had three power outages, one of them ten hours long – long enough to ruin the food in the fridge, get the house cold, and generally make Glenn and I cranky. November in Seattle can often be a difficult month – SAD sinks in, the weather makes it unpleasant to even walk outside briefly (even more so in a wheelchair, which manages to get your whole body way wetter than walking,) and you need to do things to cheer yourself up if you’re going to remain sane.
Here are some pics of my deer and hummingbird visitors, a vivid November sunrise, our maple leaves before they were all swept to the ground in the most recent sudden rainstorm. Following the advice of longtime northwesterners, we’ve ordered a generator and a battery-powered lantern – my Kindle never works when our internet goes out, and I couldn’t read worth a darn with a candle or the led flashlights we had. This will help us survive the next power outage when it comes. But it brings me to the metaphor – what do you do to help light your life when the darkness seems oppressive?
Lately, my dabbling in art and my writing and reading has not quite been enough to keep from feeling tense and blue. The frequent doctor appointments and more dentists in my near future (I broke another tooth) – may not be adding to the usual November depression. Glenn took me out to see “Murder on the Orient Express,” the first movie we’d been out to in a while, and we also did some clowning around with some fake “southwest” scenery to warm us up at our local store, Molbak’s, during their art and wine night (which was so rainy and windy we could barely get through the doorway without being blown away). It’s hard sometimes when you’re not feeling your best and the weather’s unpleasant to push yourself into going out, seeing people, trying new activities – but it seems really important to maintaining sanity! I’m trying to get over a two-week cold so I can go socialize with some friends, too – another important aspect to keeping your cheer in the face of 4 PM darkness and time-change-and-power-outage-related crappy nights of sleep. I’m hoping to be well enough to get to some poetry readings soon, something to look forward to in between doctor’s and dentist’s offices and even more MRIs. Also, I need to remind myself the darkness in temporary – and the solstice is coming soon, and the days will start getting longer again.

Handling the Holidays When you have a chronic illness

It can be hard to make the holidays fun when you have a chronic illness or have a loved one with a chronic illness. If, like me, you have a weak immune system and manage to get pneumonia every time you fly, it means you might not be celebrating with your out-of-town family. It can also be hard to force cheer when dealing with your body’s little and big failures. I ordered holiday cards and was joking with Glenn about writing a holiday letter that captured my admittedly pretty crappy last year – “Hey, friends and family, the good news is I’m not dying of cancer. The bad news is, I’ve got multiple sclerosis. Happy holidays!”  Just kidding, of course. Fake cheer is not good for the soul, but neither do you want to be a major bummer to your friends and family.

I think the key is, to moderate your expectations – maybe fewer activities, but doing the things that bring you the most joy – scheduling in visits with friends and family that make you feel happy, maybe including the rituals that are meaningful (putting up holiday lights, going to the holiday light shows – lights are a big thing for me!), but ditching others (Glenn and I will probably skip a fancy Thanksgiving dinner this year). One thing I wanted to do this year was show gratitude for the people who really showed up for me in my last year of health crises, friends who sent me flowers and cards and came to sit with me as I was recovering from my terrible MS episode in August and was stuck at home, barely able to move or eat. So I’m going to try to figure out a way to express love and gratitude this holiday season for the unexpected and generous actions from so many. I want to try to enjoy the season even if my body isn’t able to go out and do as much as I’d like or I have to give up on the notions of having picture-perfect holidays during a year where my doctors keep telling me how lucky I am to be walking on a cane four months after my severe flare. I’m encouraging Glenn to use some of his vacation days to do nothing related to holiday “chores,” just relaxing the way we want – no pressure. The days when we’re together with nothing scheduled can end up being the best days, a real luxury.

Jeannine Hall Gailey

Jeannine Hall GaileyJeannine Hall Gailey served as the second Poet Laureate of Redmond, Washington and the author of Becoming the Villainess, She Returns to the Floating World, Unexplained Fevers, The Robot Scientist’s Daughter, and winner of the Moon City Press Book Prize and SFPA’s Elgin Award, Field Guide to the End of the World.  Her latest, Flare, Corona from BOA Editions, was a finalist for the Washington State Book Award. She’s also the author of PR for Poets, a Guidebook to Publicity and Marketing. Her work has been featured on NPR’s The Writer’s Almanac, Verse Daily and The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror. Her poems have appeared in The American Poetry Review, Poetry, and JAMA.

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