Just read After the Workshop by John McNally, a novel about a writer twelve years out of Iowa’s MFA program struggling to finish his book and support himself as a freelancer and “media escort” – someone who drives around visiting writers. The writer is very funny – I laughed out loud at a couple of things- although the story is very, in some ways, “macho” – there’s a lot of drinking and all the female characters women are portrayed as sex objects and nothing else. Once again, it’d be nice to see a book about writers with women as any of the main characters.

I watched “Up in the Air” last night, a surprisingly downbeat movie worth watching. There was a part that made me wince – the part where the hard-charging younger woman and 30-something business woman were exchanging their expectations for their romantic lives, and of course the younger woman’s are much more grandiose and optimistic. She says: “When I was 16 I thought by 23 I’d be married, maybe have a kid and a corner office.” The older woman says something like “Life can underwhelm you that way.”

[OK, even more cringe-inducing was the line where the young woman says: “I appreciate everything you (feminists) did for us and all…but I still feel like nothing I accomplish will matter if I don’t find the right guy.” Eek! I never felt that way. Do people really feel this way!?!?]

I was thinking about the differences between my expectations at 21 and my expectations now at 36. I had the supposedly “great” job and an actually great guy by my mid-twenties, but life threw some twisty obstacles in my path (re: health problems) that kepts me from storming the corner office, as it were. So there were some detours: instead of trying to become a director by 30, I took time off writing, went to an MFA program, published a book of poetry. Are my expectations less than they were? They’re different, for sure. My hopes and dreams: to publish more books, to make new friends and get time to hang out and visit my current ones, to be healthy enough to be able to go out and enjoy art museums and parks and once in a while a take a romantic trip with Glenn the way we used to. A little better financial situation would be great (grants, freelance, awesome paying job, etc.) but I don’t think of myself as a failure because I make a bit less (ok, a lot less) than I used to. Just a reminder that values change, and life can underwhelm you/thwart your younger-self dreams, but you will probably still figure out a way to do the things most important to you.