Snow Snow Snow, and Part II of a Desert Residency in a Grim Time Plus Writing Insecurity

Snow in Woodinville

Snow Snow Snow (Plus Demo Updates and Thoughts of Writing Insecurity)

We have been socked in with snow and cold, while the house is being demo’d and we’re a bit discombobulated, shuttling here and there while we can’t stay in our home while some of the work is done. I’ve also been sick (tested for covid, flu, and strep, all negative) and heard the details of the changes to the NEA grant requirements and the destruction of the government at the hands of Trump/Elon. I have been reading about writers writing under truly terrible governments – the Nazis, terrible Roman emperors etc – and studying exactly how they tried to write about their lives and their times. Ovid, of course, and Catallus, but also existenialist poets from France. I wrote quite a bit about Ovid in my first book, Becoming the Villainess because at that time I felt the echoes of the violence and helplessness in my own life. I had no idea what was ahead for my country. I had so much optimism, then, that things would get better for women. Unfortunately, that has not been the case. Like this camellia in my yard that bloomed before our week of snow, I had unreasonable optimism, it seems.

Glenn and I with mural at Desert Rat residency

Part II of a Desert Writing Residency in a Grim Time (and Writing Insecurity)

See how warm and sunny we look! Did we see the snow coming in our weeks ahead? The residency helped me clear my head for a bit about some things that have been bothering me in the writing world, but my writing insecurities have been brought up again. A friend (a really good writer) told me that last year she had no acceptances, only rejections. I told her my last year had not been much better. I read through some of my earlier work (a friend was asking about a previous book) and I felt that my earlier work was better than what I’m writing now. Maybe just different, but it felt like the strength, energy, and optimism in the poetry (and in my own body) has waned. I am feeling less and less wanted in the writing world, like my voice is no longer important or unique or anything. Is this common after a rough year of rejections and not many encouragements?

Westerm Bluebird

I was very lucky to have this five days in the desert, the sunshine and higher than freezing temperatures, and to catch up with Jeff Walt, the wonderful poet and person responsible for the Desert Rat Residency. I was lucky to see bluebirds and hummingbirds, finches and sparrows. No roadrunners, but ospreys, pelicans, and other sea birds. I tried to focus on this new manuscript, but my discouragement is strong – and the feeling that the manuscript is as finished as it’s going to get is strong as well.

I am also, I have mentioned on this blog, feeling, well, older, less listened-to, as louder influences take over social media and the poetry world, after many years of dues-paying and free labor, maybe a tiny bit more bitter than I should. If I want to do good in the writing world, I need to free myself from that. And I want to do some good. It might be the only thing I can do in the time, with this particularly oppressive government, that might last longer than a bad presidency. After all, we are still reading Ovid, but few people remember Emperor Augustus with much affection. Writers making art can last longer than a government that oppresses. We can make a difference. I have to keep believing this. My friend Jeff is making a difference by offering a place for writers (even disabled ones!) to write. My friend who received a year of rejection will surely publish her work to great acclaim, because it is funny and smart and deserved attention. My younger writer friends deserve support and encouragement. Perhaps this is how we create our sunshine in the middle of snow, in a Narnia where it is always winter and never Christmas.

Hummingbird with disco ball

I think about writers who lived in far harsher environments than I do, with far less encouragement. I owe it to them to keep going. Many women writers I admire did not live to be my age, and so I shouldn’t just take it as an impediment, but perhaps an opportunity to write from the perspective of an over-fifty woman. I have survived this long for a reason, when some of my friends have not. I am still here, for now, writing on a blog I’m not sure anyone reads in a time where writing at all seems perilous, even foolish. I remember Sappho’s poetry fragments being pulled recently from a trash pile, poems that have survived across the years, against the odds. Let’s be this hummingbird with a disco ball – unexpected, maybe unasked for, but extraordinary. Oh, I should also say I finally got the stickers for my Washington State Book Award finalist – and here’s a picture. Wishing you all a week filled with unexpected wonders.

A Much-Needed Residency in the Desert in a Time of Sorrow and Strife Part 1

A Much-Needed

Me at the Desert Rat Residency

Residency in the Desert in a Time of Sorrow and Strife Part I

This last week, between a week of injuries, stress, and loss (besides the news, I lost an aunt, my father’s older sister) I was scheduled to go to the Desert Rat Residency in Palm Desert. This residency is special for several reasons: it is disability-friendly, it allows you to bring a partner with you, it has a half kitchen and a garden and swimming pool. And it is run by the fabulous poet Jeff Walt. I returned to sideways hail and snow in Seattle, so it was very beneficial to have five days in the Palm Desert with sunshine, birdsong and time to devote to reading, writing, and editing my manuscript-in-progress.

We spent most of the first day in Palm Springs, stopping at the Shag gallery and having dinner at a steakhouse playing old fashioned Palm Springs classic tunes. All the people were super friendly, despite worries about their families and friends over the mountains in LA. (Smoke was still visible from the plane once we rose over the mountains.) After the stress of getting to the airport and getting through security and all the attendant stress, (they left off our TSA pre-check on the boarding pass, the rental car agency didn’t have the car we reserved) – but I felt better the second I stepped into the gallery, and even better after a steak (Glenn got a wedge salad – so healthy – and a mezcal cocktail. But I’m the one with anemia, lol)

Once we arrived at the residency, we unpacked and started to try to relax. The night air was warm enough to walk outside and look at the planets above the palm trees. I set about working on my manuscript-in-progress, reorganizing, editing poems, putting in new poems and editing out older ones. Every time we stopped into town, the people were so friendly and upbeat, such a difference from the gloomy and let’s face it, somewhat sullen Pacific Northwest crowd. I tried a Dole whip for the first time at Lappert’s (hole in the wall with good date shakes, ice cream, sorbet, and of course, two Dole whip machines.) It was a little cold for the pool this time out, but it was still warmer than Seattle. Lots of Costa’s hummingbirds, a v of white pelicans overhead, mockingbirds and Western bluebirds. Besides being a lovely place to write, it’s a bird watching paradise. Below I am in the art hallway (custom art for each residency), pictured with the famous Kim Addonizio tote (link here,) Costa’s hummingbird with outdoor disco ball, and Glenn and I at a garden store nearby.

Me with pop art and Vinyl collection

I could tell you about the vinyl colletion or the fancy cocktail bar, but I have to continue this blog post another day, with pictures of the gorgeous pool and new mural and garden, and why this retreat was deeply necessary, as I am in the middle of dismantling and storing my bathroom as renovation demolition (the long awaited accessible bathroom project) starts tomorrow morning. I have not caught up on news or social media, or even laundry or unpacking. It is supposed to snow almost every day for a week. I have a stack of books to read, a goal of doing a couple of submissions and spending more time on the new-and-improved version of the manuscript, and thinking about whether or not to try to go to AWP (expenses, timing, health, and more concerns there.) Although it was lovely to be away from home, my cats were very happy to have us back. I’ll report back here soon…

A Wonderful Reading at J. Bookwalter’s, New Glasses, Changes Coming and Looking to the Future

New Glasses and a Wonderful Reading at J Bookwalter’s New Reading Series

This has been a busy week: I got a crown on one of my front teeth (sorely needed), tore my rotator cuff (a first for me), got new glasses, and did my first live in-person reading in a very long time with three other lovely poets at the brand new reading series at J. Bookwalter’s Winery (fourth Thursday every month, includes features and an open mic, plus wine!)

The reading featured Erika Wright, Catherine Broadwall, Michelle Schaefer, and me, with John Campos as MC and a very civilized open mic at the end. There must have been fifty people in the audience, and I didn’t know many of them, but did get a see a few familiar faces, and met a lot of new ones. It seems there is, after all, an interest in poetry in Woodinville! Catherine, who has two books already, and I both sold multiple copies of our books (which seems miraculous these days), and the energy in the room (as you will be able to tell in the video) was just joyful and energetic. It was such a relief after the relentless bad news—I’ve been trying to avoid it, but it is difficult to avoid it all—to have a moment like this of happiness and wine and friendship and, um, dare I say community?

And if you want to watch my part of the reading, in which I tried something new: seven poems (from six books and one still-in-progress manuscript). At J. Bookwalter’s debut new reading series in Woodinville:

And here are a few pics from the reading, and me modeling new glasses:

Changes are Coming

You know how sometimes you get this feeling that whether you embrace it or not, changes are coming? I think we’re in that era. Not just the country, but the economy facing disaster under Trump’s terrible policies (like the tariffs, which will make all goods more expensive in the short term, perhaps even causing boycotts of American goods in the long term), facing a possible new pandemic (bird flu) under Trump’s terrible policies (like stopping funding to the NIH and removing America from the WHO), climate craziness, worries about my aging parents in a leaky three story house, and smaller things, worrying about my own body and house remodeling for accessibility, and trying to figure out the writing life and my place in the universe.

I think my goal of being more adventurous which I talked about in earlier blog posts was really my attempt to be on top of the increasing stormy swells I can see coming. This seems like a good time to improve your agility at life: building relationships, working on your physical and mental health, getting finances and home things in order. There are things you cannot control, but if the ability to see the storm coming is worth anything, it’s making sure you and your loved ones are as prepared as possible. If that ache in your knee can predict the weather, perhaps it can propel us forward into steps to make yourself as disaster-proof as we can be—though of course, disaster preparedness—or, trying to predict the monster of the week when you live on a Hellmouth—can feel futile. Our best assets are the ability to adapt to change—I did write a book called Field Guide to the End of the World, after all—keep your passports current, keep a go-bag handy, keep your friends close, try to forget “comfort” as a priority and focus on “survival skills” instead.

I am going to a writing retreat soon, so I’ll be off social media for a bit. Wish me good luck working. The new year has me off to a bit of a shaky start – with unexpected glimpses of kindness, joy, and kindredness. I need to be able to see a better future to finish this book. It takes a bit of looking, sometimes, to envision beyond the chaos of the moment.

Cold Wolf Moon, Changing Times with Fires and Social Media, Taking Better Care of Body and Mind in the New Year

Contemplating Changes and Changing Times with Fire and Social Media under a Cold Wolf Moon

Cold Wolf Moon

The full Wolf Moon was visible because of the uncanny cold clear weather we’ve been having here in the Pacific Northwest. We’ve been watching the LA fires with so much sadness, because I spent part of my childhood in LA and have many good memories of places there as an adult that have disappeared. Pasadena’s Altadena neighborhood was particularly tragic. Sending so much love and empathy to those who have lost so much. California is so beautiful, but so startlingly apocalyptic, and at the strangest times.

And we do live in strange times, don’t we? MLK Day is tomorrow (along with the inauguration of one of the worst people to be elected President in history) and a younger generation is mourning the loss of TikTok while an older generation, pissed at social media mavens’ various betrayals, are disavowing Facebook, Twitter, and Amazon.

And me? I’ve started the new year by contemplating change to my life, both mind and body.

Taking Care of Body and Mind (and hopefully spirit) in the New Year

I am not big on New Year’s resolutions, but given the stress that the news has brought (along with increased feelings of helplessness) and the clusterfuck that is social media right now, I limited myself since Jan 1 to thirty minutes of news a day (television, newspaper, or online) and decided to cut my time on my phone and social media in half. And you know what? My terrible anxiety and depression have lessened. I’ve seen more people in person, gone out of the house more, read more books. I’ve written more poems in the new year than I had in the previous three months.

And I spent some time taking care of some physical things as well—getting an eye exam and getting new glasses made (aging and MS are hard on the eyes!) and getting the first of four front teeth crowned (without Novocain – ouch!) I spent time checking in on myself in terms of where I am in my life and what I want to spend time doing with it. I’m going through a whole house reduction in stuff—from little things like throwing out old makeup and bath products to reducing the number of items in my closets and helping Glenn get rid of worn-out items—a broken toaster oven, worn out t-shirts. We are donating, recycling, and even consigning to help reduce overall waste, but I’m telling you, this act of getting rid of stuff in general has given me a feeling of more control over my immediate environment. (Have I reduced books yet? The answer is, not enough, lol! And I got rid of expired sunscreens and lip gloss and found I had to replace them. On the positive side, I found that going to the mall once convinced me that the clothing I already have is better made and cuter than the stuff I could buy there. So has it been a perfect experiment?)

I am also looking at my network of friends and family—and my writing career/life, as it were—and seeing what I need to nurture both. If the last four years have been isolating for me, as they have been for many with poor immune systems, it seems time to start rebuilding networks of people you can care about and who care about you, strengthening bonds you want to keep. If I don’t know exactly why I write, and I’m a bit at sea about what to do next, so to speak—for the next section of my life—not exactly sure at my age what to even expect—maybe that’s pretty normal. I can prioritize things that matter and decide to get rid of things that aren’t aiding me in my life. I can’t control wars, or Presidents, or the environment, my health, or how many people read my work, but I can decide what I spend my time and energy on, and who, and what deserves that time, energy, and money.

On the plus side, we had a lovely book club meeting this month at J. Bookwalter’s discussing After Dark—staying late afterwards to talk (and some to talk and try some fancy whiskeys—what a book club!) I spent time catching up with some new poet friends. Spending time with people in person can be so life-affirming, even if it does bring a few more bugs my way. And I have a real in-person reading next week, and my neighborhood of Woodinville is getting a reading series at the winery, with an open mic after—the first literary reading series I’ve heard of in this area for some time. I want to enter the world of writers again in a more active way. Like blinking into a brighter, harsher light after reading in the dark or cave walking for some time, I’m looking with realism—and some optimism—into 2025.

Sending you all the best possible energy into the next week, which might be a challenging one. Let’s hope the planet’s alignments bode well. Let’s hope we can all work to make our individual corners of the world a little brighter, and hope, by extension, to illuminate the world.

Hello 2025! Upcoming Appearances, Classes and Readings in January, Plus Plans

Hello 2025! Upcoming appearances, Plus Plans

How was your new year’s? I had a mild cold so we actually celebrated our new year on January 3rd! Now we’ve taken down our Christmas decorations and have restored the house to some kind of order, I’m starting to make plans for the new year.

One thing I want: more fun and more adventure. I’m not sure exactly how to make this happen, but I want to spend less time in doctor’s offices and more time with friends. I want to visit people and places that make me feel joy. More joy in 2025, somehow, even the chaos spinning around us.

If you want to see me, I am doing a class on PR for Poets with a Q&A after for the Poetry Salon – virtual on January 12th. See the flyer below. And, if you want to see me in person and you live in the area, I’ll be reading with a few friends on January 23rd at J. Bookwalter’s tasting room in Woodinville at 6:30 PM. Even though January is usually not my most energetic month, I’m also going to attempt to go to a writing residency! Whew! It turned into a busy month after all. And I’ve decided to try to attend AWP in LA after I said I wasn’t going to. I mean, Seattle in March is no picnic, and it would be great to see the sun, see friends, see the ocean…this is part of my plan for 2025. More fun, more adventure, right?

Plans, Resolutions, Hopes and Dreams

So, do you have a vision for your 2025? I am working on mine, though I admit the vision is not as goal-oriented as usual? I have hopes. Hopes I will be more well, and that I will get back into better physical condition (immune and otherwise.) Hopes that I can visit friends and family I haven’t seen in a long time, and visit places I have never seen before but always wanted to. Having the bath renovation in the middle of the year may be a good excuse to get away someplace (since I can’t be in the house for three weeks of the work due to my asthma and allergies.)

I watched the Wicked movie last night – I’d read the book when it first came out, but never saw the musical and though I enjoyed it, I repeatedly thought “I don’t really think I identify with the good witch.” Which would make sense given my first book was called “Becoming the Villainess,” even though I do like pink. I’m working on my next book which has villainesses like world-weary Persephone, Cassandra, Poison Ivy, confronting a world of plagues, politics, environmental disaster, with only their powers to protect them. I hope I find a publisher soon, but it’s a fun, and dare I say, defiant, book? So that’s part of my 2025 plan.

Accumulate less stuff, and add more experiences. That’s definitely a goal. More parties, more readings, maybe seeing some musical theater and more concerts (going to be ballet reminded me how much I love to be part of that scene! I used to do theater in high school, after all!) Be careful, but maybe not too careful?

Hope the beginning of your 2025 has been as healthy and happy as possible!