Finding a Way to Destress and Refocus in a Time of Chaos, Independence Day (But Not for Women, Apparently) and Looking at Living in a New Country

Glenn and I at Apple Farms wineries with roses and lavender

Finding a Way to Destress and Refocus in a Time of Chaos

In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been struggling with the destruction of women’s rights, the environment, and the elevation of guns over lives by the Supreme Court, as well as a pandemic that hasn’t slowed down and a coming recession. Personally, I’ve also been fighting with health challenges, feeling discouraged about being a poet in general, stressing about my upcoming book and the larger issue of how to spend my upcoming years – where to live, how to work, and how to balance life’s stressors.

Today and yesterday, we did spend some time outdoors in the sun, the weather was perfect and mellow, and we just walked among the beautiful blooms around Woodinville. We stopped in for a wine tasting today and noticed that there’s a new lavender farm opening up just down the street from our house in two weeks. Being so down, it’s been an effort for me even to garden or do my photography, which are two of my usual stress-reducers. So, I’m trying to remind myself not just of the beauty around me, but trying to care for the animal self – the self that runs on too much cortisol in a fight-or-flight state all the time. I’m reading novels, and I watched Everything Everywhere All at Once, a comedy-sci-fi-martial-arts movie that’s really about an older woman’s ability to understand her place in the universe, her family, and her work. It really resonated with me, especially since I’d just finished Diane Johnson’s Lorna Mott Comes Home, which deals with similar issues in a less multiverse-centric way. Here are a few pictures I managed to snap this week.

Goldfinch looks askance at fountain

Independence Day (But Not for Women, Apparently) and Looking at Living in Another Country

Like a lot of American women, I am not feeling especially enthusiastic about celebrating independence day, given that America just took the rights to our bodies away from us – affecting everything from my friends no longer being able to get medicine for rheumatoid arthritis (because it might affect a fetus) to people no longer wanting to stay in the states they’ve been living in because they, like I, have a health condition that might kill them if they got pregnant. Now, even before this ruling, pregnant women and babies have the highest death rates in America of any developed nation- showing that America does not actually care about life, just about controlling women’s bodies. This is not a joke – to many of us, this is life or death. There are women’s strikes and protests going on in many cities on July 4.

Female hummingbird drinking from fountain

I looked at women’s rights in countries around the world, and found that most of them, including some you wouldn’t guess, are more progressive towards women than the US. Adding to the out-of-control mass shootings with no signs of stopping and the fact that you can barely get an American to read anything, much less read poetry (sorry for the generalization – but it seems awfully true these days) – I’m wondering if this is where I want to spend the rest of my life. I started researching three cities in particular – Dublin, Ireland, Paris, France, and Montreal, Canada. All three are significantly cheaper to live in than Seattle, which was a surprise, and all have good PhD program possibilities and Microsoft offices for Glenn to work from. All definitely have better, cheaper health care, especially for long-term health issues. It felt empowering to remember I am not trapped here, and no one can force me to stay in a country so hostile to women. I have actual Irish and French heritage, as well as interests in Irish and French mythologies and folklore, so that helps.

Now, moving countries is a big deal, expensive, and disruptive. I wouldn’t do it without a lot of thought. But quality of life is important, and we sometimes have to make changes to improve our quality of life. I did it twenty years ago when I moved to Seattle for a job, and I love the Pacific Northwest still. Money, culture, art, education, health care, air quality, natural beauty, access to work – all these things are going into the decision. But since 2016, I’ve just felt more and more that I don’t belong here, and America’s oppressive conservatism, as well as its lack of affordable health care and culture, are tipping the balance for me. It doesn’t help that many of my friends have moved away and many of my beloved specialists have recently quit for good. The tethers to this area are getting more tenuous…If you were a woman and a poet, where would you go right now?