Keeping the Faith and Celebrating the Breaks Between Storms

So, the news from the nuclear test was not the good news we were hoping for, about benign growths. This means the liver biopsy is still necessary. I’m somewhat trepidatious about this next step, not only because my bleeding disorder makes a usual-twenty-minute procedure into a 24-hour hospitalization, but because my allergies to medical stuff seem to be on high swing (and I had a pretty nasty day-long reaction to the SPECT test contrast) and it would involve several different new drugs for me. So, not excited. But without it, we can’t know whether it’s 1. metastatic cancer or 2. any (dwindling) number of less dangerous alternative benign growths.

These days, in stormy March in Seattle, we have to take advantage of the brief moments of sunshine in between the rain, hail, wind. These pictures of early cherry blossoms were taken in just such a break in the storms. And here’s a peek at a heron in our pond, surely a sign of good fortune.

It seems like a metaphor right now – for me to take advantage of the times in between hospital trips, arduous medical tests, doctor’s appointments, blood work. I have to remind myself, my body, of why it makes sense to keep fighting, or what’s worth it. Something to help me keep the faith.

So today I went into one of those precious breaks in the rain to wonder through the UW Arboretum (for Futurama fans, “Yes, we have looking at trees”) to catch some of the early blossoms and then to the Aquarium to visit some of my favorite mammals – which run wild through a lot of the Seattle region – river and sea otters, seals, as well as the lovely jellyfish and octopus. Even just hanging out a bit downtown in the tourist area – where I listened to families speaking a variety of languages eat delicious fried fish, ride the ferris wheel, and otherwise enjoy the day, and watched a person with a unicorn head mask play the drums – reminded me of the variety and liveliness of everyday life.

In terms of poetry work, still haven’t got a cover for the new book yet, and I’ve been sending out the remaining poems to journals, and I’ve written just a couple of poems, but that’s the extant of what I’ve been able to do in the midst of everything else. I’m still hoping to make it to AWP, but I don’t know if that’s realistic or not. I’m also really appreciative of this Shenandoah Literary blog post about Becoming the Villainess by Claire Sbardella. I’ll try to keep you all updated on all the news, health, poetry, and otherwise. Thank you once again for all your good thoughts and wishes during this stressful time.