Maybe You Are Already Living Your Perfect Life

I was talking to a friend last night who is embarking on a new adventure in her thirties (medical school!) just as I am starting a new job, and how we had both just moved, and how what we envisioned for ourselves at this age when we were younger didn’t exactly resemble what was happening to us. We talked about all the things we wished we had done differently, how we wished we had arrived at our current states earlier.

And I thought, sure, we’re doing all these crazy things (like starting medical school and being poets,) and our lives didn’t turn out as we had expected – but that doesn’t mean we’re not exactly where need to be. Though we have frustrations and money worries and pressure, though the camera-ready families we envisioned might never have materialized, maybe we are already living our perfect lives. After all, we’re following our dreams, everything that we’ve experienced along the way has taught us what we need and what we do not really need. Though we’re both nervous and stressed, though rejection slips still come in and we might be frustrated with daily obstacles, the objects in the mirror might be brighter than they appear.

Yesterday I was in for my yearly exam and in the waiting room there was a young woman crying into the chest of her boyfriend/husband. I thought, ten years ago, that would have been me (although I’m not really the cry-in-public type, these waiting rooms are an odd kind of purgatorial space, where people are waiting for good and bad news, waiting for their hopes and dreams to be answered. They raise a lot of anxieties…) Across the room, a middle-aged woman played, unselfconsciously, with her two toddlers while this young woman sobbed about losing her ability to have babies. And I wanted to tell the young woman, it will all be okay, later, you won’t feel like everything is such a tragedy, that not having kids doesn’t ruin your life. It is not the only way a woman defines herself. I wish we heard that message more often. Sometimes, happily-ever-after just looks different than you planned.

I have a wonderful husband, a new home to worry over, a new job to stress out about, a wonderful set of friends, plenty to eat and read, I have four books of poetry written and a fifth one in process. My health has been better lately, enough so I can focus on doing the things I love. I live in a city I love, though I might hate its weather nine months of the year, I love its libraries and bookstores, its coffee and farmer’s markets, its art and literary communities, the snow-capped mountains that peek out just when you’ve forgotten they were there.  It’s really not such a bad life at all.

Caution: You may already be living your perfect life, but you may not recognize it. Look around. You might already be exactly where you need to be.