Happy New Year! I mean it!

2009 was a hard year on a lot of people I know. Including me. That is why I’m happy to be waving goodbye. At the end of the year, my husband and I always listen to an old song by the Counting Crows called “A Long December” whose chorus goes something like “It’s been a long December/and there’s reason to believe/maybe this year will be better than the last.”
There’s always something hopeful about the beginning of the new year, even with all the bad news of 2009 pounding in our ears (terrorism! the economy! swine flu!) Hope is harder than fear, more delicate, more quiet.

My hopes for 2010 (as some of them are not so much resolutions but hopes) include:
–Walking without crutches, preferably sooner rather than later!
–A great (and enthusiastic) publisher for my second book.
–Put myself out there more. Apply for things I think are beyond my grasp. Be more assertive about asking for things like readings or work opportunities.
–Connect with people more. Be more social and attend more writing-related activities such as readings, parties and workshops. (Maybe even AWP? I’ve been unable to attend the last couple of years because of health problems, but I’d really like to go to Colorado…)
–Taking more nature trips – the woods, the ocean, etc. I definitely feel more myself when I’m not surrounded by apartments or buildings or lights or parking lots.
–Find some way to increase my paying work, and decrease my non-paying work. This isn’t so much a hope as a necessity, as living in California is insanely expensive.
–Try new things. Be more adventurous. Appreciate the good things around me as much as possible.

On that last one: I have always been very achievement-oriented, from a very young age. Always looking to the next goal, what I should be doing, how to maximize efficiency. One of the good things to come out of this year of health craziness was the ability to slow down and appreciate what I could do, what I could enjoy. When I had an amoeba and all I could eat was rice broth for weeks, well, I could still go out and feel sunshine on my face. When I broke my foot (and now with my ankle problems,) I realize that there is so much to enjoy from a new position – resting, reading, writing. With every setback, I felt that I was still appreciative of what I was able to do; when I was in the hospital with pneumonia this summer, I thought each morning: well, I’m still alive, and I’m going to leave the hospital and get better. And I did. I am thankful for the five poems I wrote this month, for my wonderful husband and fluffy cats, for the hummingbirds outside my window, for the fact that I can eat solid food right now and breathe without coughing even if I am experiencing other technical difficulties. I am hoping that 2010 brings more love, more joy, more hope, more health, to you and to me.