Happy New Year! Trumpeter Swans, Revaluating at Midlife after a Tough Year, MRIs, and Ballets

In Kirkland, in rare December sunshine

Happy New Year! Trumpeter Swans, MRIs, and Ballets

Writing this right before New Year’s Eve, and right after going to the ballet The Snow Queen, danced by the Kyiv Ballet, whom my little brother had seen while he was working in Ukraine right before the war. I hadn’t been to the ballet in a long time, but I remember really enjoying ballet as a kid and also as a college student (when I could still get student tickets).  It was fun, the dancers and costumes, although I was missing the talking reindeer and Robber Queen’s daughter.

Our Christmas was pretty quiet, but also low stress. The only thing I was sad about was missing Christmas Eve service, because for some reason the church we usually attend held their service on Monday the 23rd?  Then I had an MRI this week—never my favorite thing to do but expedient as it’s pretty expensive and I’d have to pay a new deductible after January 1 rolls around, plus those things always find something to worry about.

Here are a few pictures from Christmas, with Glenn holding Charlotte and a few baubles on the tree.

Driving by our pumpkin/lavender farm this week, we saw some beautiful Trumpeter swans among Canadian geese. And here’s a scene from the Kyiv ballet “the Snow Queen.”

Glenn and I going to the ballet

Re-Evaluation at Midlife After a Tough Year

I have to admit that this was a tough year for me. Is it because of my age? Is this a peri-menopause thing? A mid-life crisis? The election nearly wrung all my positive energy out of me. My last book’s sales were respectable but not great (not as good as my previous book’s), and my rejection vs acceptance rate was mediocre at best. I worked hard but felt a bit like I was butting up against a wall in the literary world. I am lucky to have wonderful writer friends but I’m missing the spark that usually drives me to write. Not sure if it’s plain disappointment or disillusionment or what, exactly. The grungy weather is bothering me a little bit more than normal, and my MS flared up worse this fall than it has in a long time—not sure of the cause, which left me unable to do much besides listen to audiobooks and watch old movies on TCM.

So, what do you do? Well, two good, very healthy friends—one died suddenly, the other experiencing a “surprise” terminal illness—have taught me a hard lesson. Maybe we should be kinder to ourselves, appreciating the days that we do have, and maybe not being so judgy about what we are accomplishing and focusing more and how much we are enjoying what we have, and experiencing things like “joy” and “awe”—things we often don’t put a priority on in our culture of productivity everywhere, all the time. While I am being scanned for tumors and tested for cancer and autoimmune problems, when I am dealing with yet another crown or root canal—I have to remember to prioritize the good days and take advantage of them. I have maybe, in the last four years, lived a too-circumscribed life, too safe? Certainly, too much damn time in doctor’s and dentist’s offices. Have I not been allowing myself enough adventure? Maybe that should be my goal for 2025—to live a more adventurous, joyful life—to maybe take a few risks in the days I have, because tomorrow is never guaranteed.

Anyway, my friends, happy New Year to you. May it bring you good things.

Happy Solstice, Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah, Bad Blood and the Ballet, Wishes and Hopes for a New Year

Solstice double rainbow

Happy Solstice, Merry Christmas, and Happy Hannukah!

It’s 12:01 on the 22nd as I draft this post, the moon is rising on the horizon, and today was drizzly, with a beautiful double rainbow in the middle of the afternoon. Glenn and I spent are spending a quiet holiday—we went for dinner at the Fireside Lounge at Willows Lodge, where we saw two friends from our neighborhood pumpkin farm—one who was the performer of the live music. We also visited Chateau Ste Michelle, which was decorated for the holidays, and playing holiday music. We had the last book club of the year at J. Bookwalter’s winery, where we had mulled wine and a terrific discussion. We’re also delivering cookies to our neighbors and still working on holiday cards.

Woodinville lights with bunnies

It’s a quiet holiday here, which is good. I still have an MRI and more blood work to do before the end of the year. Last week I had some blood work with 40-some results, with about seven troubling “abnormal” results. Sobering, sure, but it’s not the first time immunologists and oncologists have given me bad news before a holiday, and it probably won’t be the last. On a happier note, I’ll be going to the ballet before the end of the year to see the Grand Kyiv Ballet—my little brother last saw them in the Ukraine before the war, dancing Swan Lake—perform The Snow Queen, one of my favorite fairy stories that Disney tried to ruin with Frozen. I have been to the ballet maybe a handful of times—I’ve seen The Nutcracker more than once, Peter and the Wolf, Swan Lake, and maybe one or two others. The last time I went I was writing cultural pieces for (laugh if you want) America Online. So that’s been some years. It’s good to make time for these kinds of experiences, especially if you’re in the winter, in need of beauty, of feeling something new, awe, etc., that sometimes only art can bring.

You, like me, may be struggling to feel hopeful about the new year, with the next presidency of possibly our worst president ever (not discounting terrible presidents of the past Woodrow Wilson, James Buchanan, and Andrew Jackson) and the vague rumblings of another pandemic—the bird flu—on the horizon. Sometimes it’s hard to see the moonrise when the glow of fire blots it out, an experience too frequent recently here on the West Coast. But the moon is there, all the same.

I’ve got a residency planned in January, and looking at more travel – residencies, classes in Europe, maybe. I’ve got a new book manuscript that I’m sending out to new publishers. Even if my health situation wobbles—as it has for years—there will still be joy and beauty ahead. Hospitals and medical tests and terrible politics can’t blot all that out. Read writers who lived through plagues and world wars; they all have something to say to us, now. Hope and joy can seem unreasonable in certain circumstances, but I will say sometimes hard time can push us to try new things, to take leaps we might not have taken in happier times, to find courage. Or maybe I will take hibernation to new heights. Either way, see you on the other side of the light, with days stretching longer before us. Here’s wishing you all a happy holiday season and happy-as-possible new year.

My Review of Martha Silano’s New Book on Mom Egg, Holiday Lights and Holiday Celebrations with a Full Cold Moon

Glenn, me, Loree, and Mike

Happy Holidays! Holiday Lights and Holiday Celebrations

This is a bit early, but we celebrated an early Christmas with my little brother Mike and sister-in-law Loree this weekend, which was really fun (and forced us to clean and decorate the house, not as fun but definitely needed!) We had a Christmas dinner (Glenn made it and it was delicious as usual) and caught up on things and talked about plans for next year. We both have house projects in the works for 2025. They’re going home to the Midwest for the holidays, so this was our last chance to see them. Before they left, though it had been rainy and windy when they arrived, we went outside and got a glimpse of the full Cold moon.

Today I’m finishing a few more holiday cards (definitely behind on that) and planning out the rest of the year. We also took a few pics with Redmond reindeer lights while we had some light. I’m ready for more sunshine ahead. Glad the solstice is coming up.

My Review of Martha Silano’s This One We Call Ours up at Mom Egg Review

I’m so happy to have a new review of Martha Silano’s latest, the winner of the Lynx Prize, This One We Call Ours, up at Mom Egg Review. It’s a wonderful collection and I hope you take the time to read about it—a call to action about the environment, apocalyptic and fierce. Here’s a short excerpt:

While Silano’s previous books have dealt with similar subject matter – physics, biology and the end of the world, the science of human psychology – this new book make the danger that shimmers in the background of her other books more menacing and urgent.”

As much as I liked this book, I know based on some of the poems she’s published about her journey with ALS (see: Poetry Magazine, among other places, for her work) that Martha’s next book will be even better, so keep your eye out for news about that book’s publication.

Wishing you all a safe, healthy and happy holiday.

A Busy Week of Pre-Holiday Teaching, Celebrating with Friends, SAL Event with Aimee Nezhukumatathil, and More

A Busy Week – Pre-Holiday Teaching, Celebrating with Friends, and More

I saw the sunrise more than once this week, as I got up early at the beginning of the week to do a class appearance for Dr. Lesley Wheeler’s class at Washington and Lee University at 9:30 AM Pacific Time. The class asked great questions, they asked me to read poems from Flare, Corona I hadn’t read out loud yet, and generally had great vibes despite the early hour.

This week was also filled with social activity—downtown Seattle dinner with poet friends, attending a Seattle Arts & Lectures (SAL) event, and an early morning downtown Seattle breakfast to end the week with old friend (best-selling writer and poet) Aimee Nezhukumatathil.

Next week we’ll celebrate Christmas early with my little brother and sister-in-law. In the meantime, we’re still in the middle of decorating the house, getting out holiday cards, and oh yeah, seeing endodontists for a root canal, scheduling MRIs and blood draws and eye exams. It was nice to have one week where I felt like a writer again, a real person, instead of a case study, if you know what I mean.
If you are struggling, and I know many are, please be kinder to yourself than you think you need to be. Take a trip outside your house to see people who brighten your life. See some holiday lights. Give strangers the opportunity to be friendly for once. Have that espresso martini. Tonight I’m going to try to write and send out some poems. Work on my next book manuscript. Listen to the tiny voice inside my head that says: despite everything, cling to the light.

Happy Post-Thanksgiving, A Season of Rejection, Holiday Lights with Dragons, Seeing Friends and Winter Birds

Happy Post-Thanksgiving

Hello! Hope you had a good Thanksgiving. We had a solo low-key Thanksgiving, which was nice. I’m not a huge T-Day person anyway, so we got out the Christmas tree, put on some Christmas movies, ate only the things we wanted to eat and FaceTimed with our families. We didn’t shop on Black Friday, but we did go out on Small Business Saturday and got a few things.

Here’s a shot of a sunset in Kirkland, in front of some shop holiday windows, a sunset, and some winter bird shots from my back porch, including a beautiful pileated woodpecker and a female hummingbird. I also had a week of rejections—but it’s also time that many literary mags are reopening, so it’s the circle of poetry publication, I suppose. Can’t wait for the days to get longer again!

Holiday Lights at the Bellevue Botanical Gardens, and Holiday Plans with Friends

In front of poinsettia tree at Botanical Gardens

In following my previous post about seeking to do positive things that will help lift our spirits, we visited the holiday lights—somewhat non-traditional—at Bellevue Botanical Gardens, which features dragons and flowers made of lights, as well as a very cool underwater scene. Video of dragon below pics.

This year BBG also has concerts every weekend, and when we went, they had a jazz guitar quartet, so we listened to a concert of jazz standards by Cole Porter and the Peanuts Christmas theme on steel guitar. We hadn’t seen live jazz in a long time, so it was a fun bonus.

Tomorrow I’m doing a class for a university on the East Coast early, and later in the week I’m going to meet a friend downtown for drinks and then go to the SAL event featuring Aimee Nezhukumatathil, whom I’ve known since we started blogging in….2003? So it’ll be nice to go be social a bit. I hope you are also keeping your holiday/election blues at bay with whatever makes you feel even a little happier.

Please enjoy a few seconds of this dragon light display. And have as happy a holiday season as you possibly can.