Virtual Breadloaf, Some Writer Conference Takeaways, and End of Summer Musings

Red and Yellow Sunflower

Virtual Breadloaf

Today was the last day of the two week journey of this year’s Virtual version of Breadloaf. There were at least twenty lectures from amazing writers of all genres, including non-fiction and screenwriting, several long workshop sessions, pitching sessions, hanging out in a virtual Barn, and even Breadloaf readings on Zoom.

I am so tired it feels amazing that I never left my house for any of this conference! I think the interactions, the intensity of attention, and of course, a lot of hours online took their toll, but it was a wonderful opportunity for someone like me – for whom travel can be a barrier (food allergies, multiple sclerosis-related disability, the costs, etc.) I also enjoyed the fact that I got to meet writers from Japan, Australia and France as well as from all over the US. I got the feeling the attendees were a little more diverse than usual because of the lower barrier to entry (it was also less expensive than the usual full-residency Breadloaf as well.)

Me in a local garden after workshop

I noticed that for me it was important to spent time each day, especially after the intense two-hours at a pop workshop sessions, outside in the fresh air, sunlight, and around living things like flowers. It was like re-grounding after a whole day – from 8 AM my time til about 6 PM – spent in an online format. Glenn took this picture after my workshop day after I had shed jewelry and makeup, and enjoyed a stroll around the garden at Willows Lodge (as well as a visit with their new set of potbellied piglets!) I actually did get a little sick about halfway through the conference – which isn’t unusual for me for August, but because of Delta, the extra stress of “is it covid?” make what was probably just a summer bug more scary.

The last talk was by Jericho Brown, who is always lovely, but his and Brenda Shaughnessy’s talks this week probably had the most emotional resonance for me. Both went a little off-book, which is always a plus in my book, and both had wonderful energy, which really did come through even in the virtual world. Both talked about the importance of being your true self and finding your voice – a theme that came through in several of the talks during the two weeks. It will take me a while to digest everything that I took away – but besides the official talks, the things I picked up hanging out with other writers in the off time, the pitches, and the workshop.

Some Takeaways from Breadloaf

Me post-Breadloaf reading, Glenn shot this while I took my glasses off in my garden

I was nervous that Breadloaf was only for younger writers, but I met people of all ages and backgrounds, which was great. I thought my workshop was full of really talented writers, and I was impressed by the level of writing at the attendee readings as well. The atmosphere of one of the oldest and most prestigious writers conferences in the country was much less stuffy or pretentious than I imagined it would be – could the virtual aspect of it make it seem more accessible?

I got lots of advice on publishing and lots of encouragement as well. A lot of kindness from people. I think it will have been a worthwhile thing to have done looking back. Now I need to actually apply the advice from workshop and on publishing and get to revising and sending out my work. I hope I stay in touch with at least a few friends I made, and crossing fingers for the manuscript that was sent in from one of my pitch sessions. You never know!

In a year (and a half) characterized by so much lack of socialization, going to a virtual writers conference was a great way to feel like I wasn’t totally isolated and that I was part of a larger writing community. It was also fun getting advice from other people who had been to Breadloaf before me about how to get the most out of it.

Field of wildflowers, Woodinville, WA

End of Summer Musings

It’s getting cooler here and more overcast, though barely a sprinkling of rain to relieve our long drought. The last flowers are blooming now – cosmos, dahlias, sunflowers – and they’ll be done soon, and we’ll be in the middle of autumn before we know it.

I realize that the last two weeks were full of disaster – from rising Delta cases and deaths and hospital overflow, to the Afghanistan situation, to wildfires all around the West Coast – and even if you feel helpless with nearly all of those problems, it’s important to feel like you can take positive steps to help, like giving to a charity or just trying to do what you can for those around you who might be struggling.

Food banks are still having a hard time, hospital workers are overworked, people who are chronically ill, going through chemo, or otherwise immune-compromised, could use at the least a friendly check-in because they probably feel especially vulnerable right now. Be nice to your friends who are doctors and nurses, who may be struggling with depression and burnout. A good place to send some money, besides food banks, is the excellent, well-vetted charity, the Malala Fund, https://malala.org. 

Hummingbird with last penstemon

For those of you going back to teaching or sending kids to school this fall, I know you are stressed out. Things will eventually get better. As as me, I am thinking positive: people will get vaccinated or they will have antibodies from having caught a version of this virus, even if we might need a booster shot or continue to mask up for a little bit longer.

Do be kind to yourselves, as well as others. It’s been a really long eighteen or so months. Here’s hoping for a peaceful and healthier winter season. It would be nice to be able to visit friends and family for the the holidays…

A Week of Wildfire Smoke and the First Week of Breadloaf: Late Summer Edition, Plus, the Sealey Challenge Continues

Pink Dahlia

A Week of Wildfire Smoke And Heat Waves

So this last week we had temperatures in the nineties plus a wave of wildfire smoke came in, it seemed, from every direction – there are fires in Canada above, Eastern Washington, California, and Oregon – so for a few days I couldn’t even open a window or walk outside without getting dizzy and my eyes watering.

We’re hoping for some rain to come in, and looking further, I’m just really excited about fall happening again. I got news I’ll be eligible for a booster covid shot, due to my multiple immune system problems, so that’s something. I just recovered from my tetanus shot of last week! With Delta coming around, I haven’t been getting out and about too much. It’s a good thing I’ve had virtual Breadloaf this week to distract me from the heat, the smoke, and the virus (plus my sore arm from the TDAP shot – man, that was way worse than the covid shot, for those who were wondering!)

Immature Rufous in flight

The First Week of Breadloaf: Late Summer Edition

So, during the first week of Breadloaf, I mostly went to lectures, plus I had me editor/publisher “pitch” sessions, which are fifteen minute Zoom meetings with either lit mag editors or book publishing people. I got Graywolf and Four Way, which were both lovely, but I was so nervous about them! I can’t believe I was so nervous about pitching poetry! This was also my first time at any Breadloaf, because they offered a Virtual option. I wish all the big conferences offered this, because I got to meet writers from both coasts, but also France and Australia, which I think makes the whole conference more interesting. It also seemed that the conference faculty and attendees were more diverse than at least I was expecting.

In the pitches, I also asked some questions about the publishing world in general right now (hard! Libraries and bookstores are buying fewer books, and without readings it’s been tougher to sell books – but the good news was, people like me – disabled and unable to travel as much – may benefit in the long-term from the new structures in publishing – relying more on social media and Zoom readings.) So, interesting stuff. Now I wish I could just schedule fifteen minutes with all the publishers of my choice, because it’s much easier to get a handle on what a press is about this way. I also wish MFA programs included meetings like this – mine did not.

Apples on the tree

One thing that surprised me about the lectures – the ones with the “superstars” were only okay, and the ones with writers that were new to me were the most thought-and-poem inspiring. I wonder if expectation factored into this – or as another Breadloaf attendee observed, prose writers are just better at prose presentations, or less well-known writers work harder on their talks? Two of the best lectures this week so far at (Virtual) Breadloaf were by Jess Row and Tania James, two writers I didn’t know about before the conference. My loss! Jess talked about writing the political and economic within scenarios of apocalypses and Tania about writing surprise (including example short stories about transforming into a deer or eating children.) Both were brilliant.

I thought I’d be writing way more (I’ve only written one poem this week) but I feel like thinking about ways to write after each lecture was good and the pitches were good, but everything online seems to take way more energy than in person and I ended up napping way more than I expected (this could also be related to the heat.) All this staring at screens did motivate me last week to go get an overdue eye exam which resulted in two new pairs of glasses, including readers – prescriptions plus some magnification for computer reading. Both pairs were pink – one sparkly, one neon. It seems metaphorical – looking at life through literally a new lens. I’m looking forward to next week, when I’ll be really immersed with hours of workshop AND lectures. And then it will almost be September!

Prometeo by C. Dale Young with Red Sunflowers

The Sealey Challenge Continues

So, I have not been able to do a book of poetry a day in August, which is sort of the goal, but I haven’t totally abandoned it either. I ordered a bunch of books before Breadloaf started, which have sort of tricked in nicely, giving me time to appreciate each book.

New this week: C. Dale Young’s Prometeo from Four Way Books, about love/sex/death/identity/faith/palm trees (also it made me cry within 15 minutes.) Also, Sally Rosen Kindred’s When the Wolf from Diode Editions, and Kelly Cressio-Moeller’s Shade of Blue Trees from Two Sylvias Books.

Since I’m already reading a ton of books for Breadloaf, I’m only doing a little extra reading, but I figure the point of the Sealey Challenge is to get us to read a few more poetry books in August, and help us purchase some books during a notoriously slow time for poetry book sales. It’s been good for me to get so many different points of view at the conference and through reading so many poets, known and unknown, friends and strangers. Also, I can feel virtuous supporting small presses, indie bookstores and/or buying directly from poets! 100 percent recommend if you are feeling the August doldrums.

A Week of Too Much Drama, Sealey Challenges, Possible Good News, and Virtual Breadloaf Starting Tomorrow

Peach dahlias in a flower field, Woodinville

A Week of Too Much Drama – CT Scans, Tetanus Shots, and Other Adventures

I’m writing from a blessed weekend of rain after a 51-day drought here in the Seattle area. I took a long walk under the cloud cover and my garden is much happier. But it’s been a week – if you read last week’s post, you know that Glenn suddenly lost his voice and after many tests, found that the cause was a paralyzed vocal cord. This week he had a CT scan to rule out truly scary causes (ie cancer) but his CT scan was blessedly clean. On the day of his scan, I got some possible good literary news (will reveal more later) and got cut by a wicked pair of gardening shears, which resulted in my having to get my first tetanus shot in…wait for it…27 years. Yes, I know that’s older than some people. So today, slightly sore and cranky, but did not have an allergic reaction, which was good.

Today I celebrated our good news AND the pending beginning of virtual Breadloaf (see more on this later) by getting out and walking on the water in Kirkland, then getting a haircut and color (at a place that requires proof of vaccinating and only lets in a few clients at once) so I would look sparkly for my Zoom workshops and pitches. I am truly looking forward to focusing for two whole weeks on writing after two weeks of near sleeplessness, stress, and worry.

Craig Morgan Teicher’s The Trembling Answers

 Sealey Challenge

So, the month of August is often a good month to get in a dose (or 30) of poetry with The Sealey Challenge, with the goal of reading a book of poetry a day and posting about it. So far, I didn’t quite make it to that (lots going on, read above) but I did read two new books and revisited a few old favorites, plus ordered a few signed copies of new books from friends. I also plan a visit to Open Books in Seattle when I can get the time.

I notice all the reading inspired me to write a few new poems – something I rarely do in August unless pressed – and helped me stay calm during a time of great stress. Also, Sylvia really enjoys getting in on the Sealey Challenge by playing model cat.

I encourage you all to do a little poetry shopping and/or revisiting old favorites on your shelf if you get the time, and posting about it. The conversation about poetry couldn’t happen at a better time – we all need a positive distraction from the endless stress of the past year and a half.

Pink sunflower, my garden

Possible Good News and Virtual Breadloaf Starting Tomorrow!

So, sorry to be mysterious, but the day Glenn got his CT scan, I received some good news I might be able to share soon. So confusing for my poor stress hormones – ups and downs! And shots!

So, only mildly sore from my tetanus shot, I’m starting Virtual Breadloaf tomorrow and through week two (my workshops are week two, my pitches and some great talks are week one) so time to start thinking and talking coherently about poetry, I mean I hope. I also got my hair cut and colored for the conference (it’s all on Zoom, but still…) and I’m trying to decide to go pinker or stay natural. Please post opinions – and any wise advice about surviving a virtual Breadloaf – in the comments!

I’m excited and nervous and hoping my internet connection stays up for the whole time. Will report next week.

Minor Disasters and Lost Voices, The Importance of Friend Support During a Plague Year

Songbirds – goldfinch with fountain and sunflower

Minor Disasters and Lost Voices

So, this has been a stressful week of minor disasters – the biggest one being not mine, but my husband Glenn’s. Right after his 50th birthday, he lost his voice. I booked him an appointment with an ENT after he tested negative for strep and covid, and a couple of days ago, we found out the reason for his lost voice – one of his vocal cords is paralyzed. Sometimes this can be fixed by surgery, sometimes not; it can be caused by cancer, benign growths, neurological problems, or even a virus. We’ll get him a CT scan next week to rule out anything scary, I mean, hopefully we rule it out. And then we’ll start figuring out accommodations, like maybe getting an intercom for the house so I can hear him from a room away, or a special microphone for his zoom calls.

In case you’re wondering, the goldfinches seem to me to represent Glenn – he’s blond, and loves to sing and talk, and is suddenly unable to. Hopefully he will get his songbird voice back. It might not be the prettiest voice, but I’ve gotten to be fond of it over 27 years of marriage, you know?

Songbird on sunflower

I am pretty tough when it comes to scary diagnoses for myself, but I was pretty distraught when I heard this. Glenn just got a new boss, he’s in the middle of graduate school, both of which require a LOT of talking clearly over Zoom, and he just can’t. He was so frustrated by his inability to communicate, sing, or even be heard across the room. I’ve written my share of poems about the Little Mermaid’s terrible trade of voice for legs, mostly in relation to losing my mobility periodically due to MS; I’d never written about it from the other side, what you might trade to have a voice. Glenn has a doctor’s note for his, what they are calling, possibly permanent disability. I’m hoping it doesn’t hurt him too much at work or at school; with us, our relationship can weather a whisper, although I grieve for him, because he really loves singing and joking around with others, and he feels very unwillingly-quieted by this new development. I’ve had to take over all phone duties for the house, and try to communicate with his family for him, that sort of thing. Of course, we have text and e-mail, but it’s not quite the same, especially long-distance. So if you’ll send good thoughts for his healing, for his CTscan (that they don’t find anything scary,) and that he has some success with vocal therapy, which might help within a year (the doctor was careful to say maybe on this) I would appreciate it.

Hummingbird in flight

Friend Support During the Second Plague Year

One of the things this week reminded me of was the importance of the support of friends and family during hard times. Nearly everyone I know has had some hardship with mental health this last year and a half, and we are all in need of more kindness, more tolerance, more support. This week I talked with family, friends all over the country, and even caught up in person with one this weekend, all of which helped me and Glenn regain some sense of normalcy with all the craziness.

The whole thing with Simone Biles, who had a very challenging childhood even before she was sexually abused by her US team gymnastics doctor and went on to become the face of the 2020 Olympics, made me think about how even the very best, most talented people are challenged by the past year’s super stress, that a lot more of us are at our breaking point than we might think. I am wishing that Simone gets all the friend support she needs after this very public “failure” or more accurately, “refusal to perform while she wasn’t feeling up to it.”  It’s a reminder that we are more than our performances, and we all deserved to be valued as human beings, not just gymnastics medal winners, or for the things in our past that we’ve accomplished.

I had tea with fiction writer Roz Ray, yesterday, who was just a ray of sunshine, and we talked writing and Glenn even got to talk-whisper a little bit about data science, which is what he’s studying in grad school. It was a nice reminder that life can go on, even with modifications. I guess I feel discouraged and overwhelmed – summer is very tough on my MS symptoms, and dealing with this health crisis of Glenn has left me generally worn out.

I was very much looking forward to starting virtual Breadloaf next week and then my residency in September, which I hope will help inspire my writing and my motivation to work on a new book, but now I just hope both me and my husband are well enough to make it through both and that the Delta covid doesn’t get to us. I’m trying hard not to anticipate the worst, but to be prepared for it, and to have self-compassion as well as trying to practice greater compassion for not just my spouse, but everyone around me. We need to be there for each other more than ever. I’m wishing you all health and happiness. Take a deep breath.

Zoo Visit with Dinosaurs and Red Pandas, Speculative Poetry – Practice and Teaching, and The Importance of Fun for Your Health

Allosaurus, very scary

Zoo Visit with Dinosaurs and Red Pandas

Let me just say two things: I freaking love zoos and I love dinosaurs. If you know anything about me, you should know that these qualities imbue my writing and thinking.  I took a college course during my three-year biology pre-med degree on how to be a zookeeper (a real investment) and seriously considered it as a career (til I found out the starting salary was $24K a year and a zookeeper lost her arm to a polar bear that year.) And I’ve been obsessed with dinosaurs since I was a kid. I love paleontology and also briefly considered studying ancient botany. And growing up around robots, I am frankly in awe of walking, talking dinosaur robots (better known as animatronic dinosaurs.)

So a visit to Woodland Park Zoo was just what I needed after a week of strange insomnia and high anxiety (days with only one or two hours of sleep in a row, which almost felt like no sleep.) Hell yes, I paid extra for the “Dinosaur Experience” and then hung around the red panda cubs (mostly grown now) that I visited in November. It was wonderful to be outside on a serene cloudy day, with so many happy children (kids love dinosaurs, which they definitely should) and I came home, had dinner and slept blissfully for six straight hours. Doing what you love is absolutely good for sleep. And good for your writing. I hadn’t submitted any poems this month, but the day after my visit I submitted to two places.

Glenn with T-Rex model head

Dinosaurs and Red Pandas Are Good for You

Okay, I may not be able to prove that a visit to to a local zoo with animatronic robots will fix your insomnia and boost your will to live. But just look at those pictures of baby dinosaurs and try not to feel joy!

But I stopped to look at a few actual real animals too – herons and penguins, my red panda twins, a sleeping snow leopard. This was one of my few planned outings to public places – I’m still being fairly conservative with my coronavirus risks, but I felt this one was fairly low risk and worth it.

Speculative Poetry – Teaching and Practicing

Fox statue, Woodland Park Zoo

In preparing for today’s Speculative Poetry Class, I learned some things – Zoom classes really require PowerPoints instead of handouts, and there aren’t a lot of resources out there for people who want to teach speculative poetry. It’s considered a niche, though speculative fiction is widely known and widely popular, still. I hope that spreading the word about the class – and hopefully, introducing some poets to the idea that speculative poetry is as old as Gilgamesh or at least the Goblin Market, and not at all strange (even if the subject matter is.) I wanted a few different exercises, which meant I had to try out a form I hadn’t really before – scifiku – and trying to select which poems to teach was hard! There are so many good speculative books of poetry, but to choose only a few poems to represent all of speculative verse? Tough.

Heron among penguins at feeding time

Stress Relief is Necessary, not Optional

At last, I’ll leave you with the thought that during these still very uncertain and fraught times, it’s important to grab joy and try to go do the things you know are life-giving, inspirational. I am very happy to have made a brief foray downtown this week to the zoo (and afterwards the Woodland Park rose garden, just to smell the flowers.) If you get stressed out by something – like I occasionally do by giving Zoom readings and classes, and much more seriously, by the dubious covid comeback that’s constantly in the news – then make sure you schedule yourself some downtime, some self-care, something you enjoy. Don’t continue to push yourself until you break teeth (I’ve broken six this past year and a half) and make yourself miserable. This summer I’m trying to both re-enter “regular life” at a very slow pace and stay cautious and put my own health – including doing things just for fun, as well as things like dentist visits and MRIs – as a priority. It’s a tough balance. I know I can’t stop worrying about some things – and the summer is usually my “down time” because my MS symptoms tend to act up in the heat. But I can choose to do what I can, when I can. And seriously, doing something you enjoy just might be the key to keeping your sleep schedule on track which helps your immunity.

So wish me luck on my speculative poetry class tomorrow, and in relaxing my over-anxious self afterwards. And I am wishing you all calm, peace, poetry, and if possible, fun.