More January Birds and Blooms, A Week Under the Weather, and Zooming with Poet Friends

Tulips in sun

More January Birds and Blooms

We have snow in the forecast in the next day or so, but I wanted to highlight these beautiful tulips in a brief moment of sunlight, and a few of my bird visitors, to cheer you up during this dark and dreary time of year. January can be a tough time, especially as we wait the interminable wait for the vaccine, as we wait for the days to get a little longer and warmer, we wait for things to start to bloom.

For those of us who are writers, we are also waiting for responses from publishers and literary magazine – I have a submission I’m still waiting on from February 2019, for instance – and looking at places to send out our work as the new year begins. Something about the new year makes us feel like there’s a clean slate for our work – even if you have, say, 60 submissions sitting out there. I’m trying to get my courage up to take a look at my two manuscripts-in-progress and see if they need tweaking, which let’s face it, they almost always do.

Northern Flicker in sunbeam

A Week Under the Weather

I’m sorry to report I’ve been very under the weather the last week. Had to go back into a medical lab for the first time since last March for a bunch of lab work. Besides being sick, I’m super anemic, so I’m gonna have to figure out how to up my iron or they’re threatening to send me in for IV iron. Boo.

But this means I’ve got lots of reading done. I tried to get outside in my yard whenever we had brief moments of very chilly sunshine (high today: 39!) But mostly I’ve been reading – one book on audiobook, one out-of-print book that’s only available-barely-in print.

I did attend a Hugo House event remotely on collaboration between poets and visual artists, which made me wonder: why aren’t more publishers doing this? I would love to collaborate with more artists with my books. I am sort of attracted to eccentric, vibrant, visual art – Rene Lynch, say, Yumiko Kayukawa, and Michaela Eaves. (Two of those artist have graciously allowed me to use their art on my book covers.) I know it is more expensive, but wouldn’t it make a poetry book more dynamic – and more valuable – to have art that help stretched the boundaries of how poetry could be understood? Also, be sure to check out Hugo House’s offerings, which are very cool, and online classes from the Kahini Programs  (I’m going to take a class there with Dorianne Laux next month, after being too sick for one this weekend.)

Steller’s jay, laughing (or scolding)

Zooming with Poet Friends

I also had the chance to Zoom with a few poet friends, which really raised my spirits – we talked about literary magazines and publishing opportunities, but also laughed a lot. Hey, laughter is good for the immune system. While I miss in person visits – and it’ll probably be a few more months, realistically, before we can see each other in person – it was nice to see friends virtually and catch up. There is something incredible bolstering about being with other writers, especially when you yourself are feeling discouraged about writing. You get to share stories about hilarious mishaps and crushing disappointments, as well as celebrate our little victories.  Just like the birds in my garden, we tend to find strength in numbers. I know no one wants more Zoom in their life, but for the right reason – a great lecture, a chance to see friends – it’s worth it.

My father got his first dose of vaccine in Ohio, but my mother still hasn’t, and here in Washington, it looks like it’ll be a while for chronically ill folks – longer than I was hoping, so in the meantime, I’ll try to get well from this stomach bug. Hoping you all stay safe and warm and get your vaccines soon!

First Blooms, New Poems in Gargoyle, Hoping for Better Days Ahead

First Camellia Bloom of 2021

First Blooms of 2021

How has your week been? I got to visit (outdoors, distanced, with masks) with my little brother and sister in law, which was nice, to exchange Christmas presents late, my uncle was in the ICU with carbon monoxide poisoning, which was very worrying although he is getting better, and I’m slowly healing from my latest boxing match with a stomach superbug, which involves strong antibioics, lots of rest and fluids.

I’ve been trying to keep my mind off troubling FBI reports of white nationalist terrorist threats leading up the the inauguration, and focusing on the cheerful fact that the youngest poet ever chosen will be reading at the inauguration, and soon Trump won’t be able to hurt us anymore. One hopes. I’ve been noticing strangely unseasonable things, like the first bloom on my camellia, long before it should be blooming. We’ve been having wet, cold winter, so it’s very odd but I will take an out-of-season flower where I can.

Sylvia poses with the latest Gargoyle

New Poems in Gargoyle

I had a nice reminder that oh yes, I’m a writer and I have a life outside of worrying about covid and terrorism – a contributor’s copy of the latest issue of Gargoyle, which contained two poems, “I Worry I’m Falling Into” and “Honestly I Should Be a Lot More Paranoid.” Here’s a sneak peek at the second poem:

Hoping for Better Days Ahead

With the change in leadership for our country, a newly reinvigorated plan for getting us vaccinated (hopefully sooner rather than later,) and hopefully lessening rates of covid, I’m hoping for better days ahead in 2021 that what we’ve seen so far, which just seemed like 2020, the much worse sequel. I hope the terrorism will soon be a distant memory and the terrorists in jail for a long time. I hope covid will stop being a deadly threat to our country and the world. I don’t know if we’re heading for that hoped-for “normalcy” soon, but at least there will be…an improvement? I am cautiously optimistic.

As far as the writing stuff…I’ve been trying to work on a third manuscript, writing a poem a day in January, reading new books (My American by Stella Gibbons, currently, a re-telling of the Snow Queen in early 1900’s England,) and I’ve ordered four new books of poetry from Open Books. Not as good as going there in person and browsing myself, but at least I’ll get a chance to read some new work, some by friends, some by poets I’ve never read before. I’ve been watching film noirs on TCM in the evening – yes, I find them very relaxing, strangely, in the same way that I read murder mysteries when I’m in the hospital. The real world has seemed like a very grim noir or futuristic dystopia for the last four years and especially the last eleven months. I hope I’ll be posting sunnier posts – with sunnier news – in the near future. Until then, stay safe and take care of yourselves.

A Week to Make Us Think, Is 2021 Going to Be Worse? Attack on America from Domestic Terrorists, and Poetry as Solace

Double Pileated Woodpeckers

A Week that Made Us Think, Is 2021 Going to Be Worse?

A week that started out for me, optimistically, with Georgia wins in the Senate, and trying to keep my intentions of staying off of social media and write more. Vaccinations for coronavirus had started being rolled out, albeit slowly, as deaths went up due to Christmas travel and visits. I felt something like hope.

And then Wednesday happened. The last time I felt this communal trauma was 9/11, but this time the attack was coming from American people. Traitorous, violent, ignorant, cult-crazed – Trump’s people. He had whipped them into a frenzy and told them to March on the Capitol, telling them he’d go with them – and then went back on his room and watched the violence unfold with glee. Bookshelves with books about women in politics were smashed, the Capitol was urinated and defecated on, congresspeople feared for their lives as the crowd chanted “Where’s Nancy” and erected a noose, and murdered a policeman (who voted for Trump as it turned out) who was just doing his duty. Trump is the ugliest, stupidest and maybe the most evil cult leader I have ever seen. I don’t understand anyone who believes his lies.

All I can hope is swift repercussion for Trump, the Republicans who egged the crowd on, including Hawley and Cruz, and the people who perpetrated violence and destruction with no worries to going to prison or being shot, because they were white, because some police were on their side, giving them high fives and taking selfies. The most disgusting display of treason I have seen in my lifetime.

There are indeed two Americas – those brainwashed by Fox News and Infowars, and those who are not. How can America come together after this? I’m not sure it’s over, either. I’m worried Trump and his ilk are planning even more violence, especially on the inauguration. It’s not enough that Trump has been banned from social media (too little, too late, Facebook and Twitter) but that he needs severe punishment. He needs to be put in prison for treason. Then there was an attach on our governor’s home, where a Trump mobbed got almost into his house while he was there. We need more defense against these traitors, against domestic terrorist. There must be swift, serious, public repercussions.

So, personally, I lay in bed shaking with fear, anger, and anxiety, considered how to escape my own fucked-up country during a pandemic. The next day I woke up sick enough that I almost had to be hospitalized (and I managed to stabilize over the weekend, I might still need surgery or very serious antibiotics to get better, so think good thoughts for me.) My immune system can’t fight back against germs – I have a primary immune deficiency, among other problems – especially when I get stressed, it makes everything worse. I rested during the weekend, the doctor called in tests and antibiotics. I tried to focus on my writing (and someone else’s manuscript, as well, which helped – and it was a really fun manuscript) but I was thinking, “Oh my God: is 2021 actually going to be worse than 2020?

Triple hummingbirds

Poetry as Solace

It’s a few days later, Sunday. I have talked to my little brother, who actually lived through a coup attempt when he live in Thailand. I tried to tell myself I was safe, I drank liquids and slept at irregular hours. I’ve tried to write some poems about America, but they weren’t any good. I sent out a sample from my pandemic manuscript (yes, I’m probably not the only person who wrote a book of poems during the last year – we certainly had the time on our hands) and sent one of my other manuscripts to a publisher. I tried to take pictures of my birds. January is a cold, wet month typically, but we’ve had colder, rainier weather than usual, resulting in landslides and giant trees coming down around my neighborhood. Talk about pathetic fallacies.

So I’ve been reading poems – old poems, that I loved as a kid. Fragment 68 by H.D., sonnets by Edna St Vincent Millay. Does poetry fix anything? No. Does my furious doomscrolling or tweeting at Mike Pence or the GOP congresspeople to impeach or invoke the 25th amendment do anything? Maybe not, either. Being a poet sometimes means being an observer. Being an observer sometimes makes you feel powerless. I’m in bed right now, looking at the rain, feeling tired and anxious.  I know there will be better days ahead. Sending love and hope out to you, my friends.

Happy 2021! Off to a rainy, windy, book-filled beginning..

Starting the New Year right with typewriter and thirties-style robe (inspired by Myrna Loy in The Thin Man.)

Happy 2021! A Rainy, Windy, Book-Filled Beginning

Hello, my friends! If you’re reading this, you’ve made it safely into 2021, a year which I hope will give us more health, hope, peace, and comfort than 2020 did. Welcome!

We’ve had crazy weather here in the Seattle area, so mostly I’ve been staying inside, writing poems,  trying to read several books at a time, and looking at online classes for creative non-fiction and fiction. I made a list of the books I read last year and wanted to start out the new year getting reading (and writing) in during these days that force us to hibernate with flooding rains, high winds, and generally unpleasant to venture out into weather.

Here’s a list of the books I’m starting out with: The Last Neanderthal – Claire Cameron (with my mom), She Should Have Known – Jean Hanff Korelitz, The Red Comet – Heather Clark , The Colossus and Other Poems – Sylvia Plath (I’ve read her collected, but wanted to see how she put this book together),  and Margaret Atwood’s Dearly. A mix of genre fiction, poetry, and biography). Last year I started with a lot of Virginia Woolf and Joan Didion, so I’m taking a little easier this year (with the exception of the thousand-page Plath bio). (Here’s an article with a little bit about what I read last year during quarantine for Salon.)

Last Full Cold Moon of 2020

We also got a new printer after our old one (20 years old!) finally conked out, and I immediately printed out the two manuscripts I’ve been circulating. I also realized when I printed out my Excel spreadsheet of poems that I had written a ton of new work last year, so I’m thinking of incorporating some of it into the two manuscripts or starting a new one entirely.

I don’t make resolutions per se – but I do want to take some chances – apply for jobs I want that I might not get, stretch a little bit and apply for fellowships and grants more broadly, try to write some more personal essays and a little fiction along with my poetry, think about how to stretch my writer’s brain by taking classes outside my comfort zone. Once you have your degrees, you don’t need to stop learning – I’m trying to find opportunities that work for post-MA-and-MFA writers who perhaps want to experiment with a different genre or try an advanced class in a different subject, like, for me, folklore and mythology.  In general, I’m looking for: abundance, joy, wellness, good magic, love, friendship, beauty, and peace. Less: anxiety, stress, feelings of failure.

Glenn and I dressed up on New Year’s Eve for our stay-in celebration

Celebrating Saying Goodbye to 2020

And what are the things you want to leave behind from 2020 (besides Trump and coronavirus)? I’m going to try to spend less time on social media and the news (not original, I know) and more on things that make me happier and healthier, like playing music on the guitar, memorizing poems, and being outside when I can. I hope that after the vaccine I can also see other people again, and visit bookstores in person, but I won’t waste as much time and money on things I learned I could do without this year. I hope to keep up with old friends in other states and countries (a benefit of 2020) and remember that taking some time out once in a while, not running somewhere constantly, can be a good thing.

I lost a lot of family in the last two years (both my maternal grandparents this year, my cousin, a close Aunt and Uncle last year), so I hope to make time to let people know I care about them while I can. Making health a priority is on my list too – this year, I’ve learned that I was never being as careful as I thought, and as someone with a primary immune deficiency, I’ve learned that taking care of myself often involves more rest – and effort – than I thought.

Another thing we’re doing at the start of 2021 is putting together a box of food for the food banks (ours are seriously empty, we’ve heard, yours might be too) and a box of clothing to donate. We’re making an effort to get the house in order before Glenn starts his classes. I probably should do a box of books and magazines as well – my bookshelves and bedside areas are overflowing. I also want to continue the practice of giving even small amounts to charities, causes, and businesses I want to support, consciously – something I became aware of in 2020 was how each dollar that goes to a worthy cause or a business on the edge is a way to make the world a better place. So, yes, I’m going to try to remember to buy that book from the publisher or an indie bookstore or from the author, to subscribe to that art or literary magazine I like to keep it alive, get a membership to a museum that’s important to you, to give to environmental or other causes when I can. Write a note to someone who’s made a difference to me. I like the idea that we can help make 2021 a kinder, better year, even with small efforts – small efforts by a lot of people can do great things. Happy 2021!

Post Christmas Haze, Looking to the New Year

Sleeping Sylvia with wrappings on Boxing Day

Post-Christmas Haze, Looking to the New Year

Hope everyone who celebrated had as good a Christmas as possible. We Facetimed and Zoomed and Google-meeting-ed with family in Ohio, Tennessee, even Bainbridge Island, watched the new Wonder Woman movie and exchanged gifts. On Boxing day, as you can tell, Sylvia enjoyed playing with the boxes, and we tried to recover. I know this Christmas was hard on a lot of us, not being with loved ones, not being able to enjoy some of our traditions, and some of us mourning loved ones no longer with us. For most of us, it was not the holiday season we might have hoped for. On the side of good news, my sister in law, a nurse who works the covid floor, got her vaccine, as did many of my doctor friends from Cincinnati to Alaska. That’s a good present, right?

I had a little surprise good news on Christmas Eve (see previous post) that one of my personal essays that I published this year – the first year I’ve tried to publish personal essays, really – was chosen as one of Salon’s “Best of 2020.” “Marriage in the Time of Coronavirus” was the first that I wrote and sent out, and Salon was the second place I queried. It felt like a little encouragement from the universe to continue to try genres outside of poetry, especially as I am still trying to place my two poetry manuscripts in the new year. This is also a good time to remind you that even if you are in middle age (say, ahem, 47) it’s not too late to try out new forms and experiment a little.

Looking to the New Year

It can be hard, after the sort of year we’ve had in 2020, to make sense of it, much less process it enough to think about next year. It’s hard to make goals or set intentions knowing that even our biggest hopes might be thwarted by unforeseen intervention from a sometimes chaotic universe. Maybe we need to heal a bit before jumping into the next thing. We need to mourn losses, acknowledge hard facts, come to terms with the fact that sometimes things are out of our control.

But I’m actually feeling mildly optimistic when I look at 2021. I think a new President will not, realistically, suddenly solve all our problems – coronavirus, environmental, racial injustice, economic hardship, undoing the wrongs 45 has done to us. But it will be a little better to have someone at the control’s who not out to actively do evil. The vaccine will not come to me for months – and as someone with anaphalaxis issues, maybe not for a long time – but any amount of people at risk getting the vaccine will lower our numbers of deaths, help the overflowing hospitals, allow some amount of normalcy to return at some point.  I’m hoping for antivirals and tests for monoclonal antibodies. So there are reasonable reasons for hope – not for everything to magically become good on January 1, but for a gradual improvement to our quality of life as teachers get vaccinated so kids can get back to school, as nurses and doctors don’t have to be afraid of dying if they spend too much time with covid patients, as nursing homes might be able to receive visitors and front-line workers won’t be risking their lives selling flowers or cleaning teeth or putting out fires. I’m hoping people will prioritize the arts and reading after this tough year, that we can return to museums and concerts and readings, book release parties and casual celebrations of all sorts.

For myself, this has still been a tough year health-wise – I spent almost the whole year on antibiotics for a tricky infection, not covid – and my mental health, for the first time in a long time, took a dive. I hope that I’ve built in some life-supporting lessons that I won’t forget in 2021. I also hope, maybe it’s silly, to try for a new job, to try to make new friends, to find new opportunities. Anyway, I am no collage artist, but I think the exercise of building a vision board both relaxing and helpful in thinking about what our true goals are when we think about how we are leading our lives. Here’s mine for the coming year. I am wishing us all a healthier and happier 2021, and I hope you all achieve your dreams.

Vision Board for 2021