Minor Disasters and Lost Voices, The Importance of Friend Support During a Plague Year

Songbirds – goldfinch with fountain and sunflower

Minor Disasters and Lost Voices

So, this has been a stressful week of minor disasters – the biggest one being not mine, but my husband Glenn’s. Right after his 50th birthday, he lost his voice. I booked him an appointment with an ENT after he tested negative for strep and covid, and a couple of days ago, we found out the reason for his lost voice – one of his vocal cords is paralyzed. Sometimes this can be fixed by surgery, sometimes not; it can be caused by cancer, benign growths, neurological problems, or even a virus. We’ll get him a CT scan next week to rule out anything scary, I mean, hopefully we rule it out. And then we’ll start figuring out accommodations, like maybe getting an intercom for the house so I can hear him from a room away, or a special microphone for his zoom calls.

In case you’re wondering, the goldfinches seem to me to represent Glenn – he’s blond, and loves to sing and talk, and is suddenly unable to. Hopefully he will get his songbird voice back. It might not be the prettiest voice, but I’ve gotten to be fond of it over 27 years of marriage, you know?

Songbird on sunflower

I am pretty tough when it comes to scary diagnoses for myself, but I was pretty distraught when I heard this. Glenn just got a new boss, he’s in the middle of graduate school, both of which require a LOT of talking clearly over Zoom, and he just can’t. He was so frustrated by his inability to communicate, sing, or even be heard across the room. I’ve written my share of poems about the Little Mermaid’s terrible trade of voice for legs, mostly in relation to losing my mobility periodically due to MS; I’d never written about it from the other side, what you might trade to have a voice. Glenn has a doctor’s note for his, what they are calling, possibly permanent disability. I’m hoping it doesn’t hurt him too much at work or at school; with us, our relationship can weather a whisper, although I grieve for him, because he really loves singing and joking around with others, and he feels very unwillingly-quieted by this new development. I’ve had to take over all phone duties for the house, and try to communicate with his family for him, that sort of thing. Of course, we have text and e-mail, but it’s not quite the same, especially long-distance. So if you’ll send good thoughts for his healing, for his CTscan (that they don’t find anything scary,) and that he has some success with vocal therapy, which might help within a year (the doctor was careful to say maybe on this) I would appreciate it.

Hummingbird in flight

Friend Support During the Second Plague Year

One of the things this week reminded me of was the importance of the support of friends and family during hard times. Nearly everyone I know has had some hardship with mental health this last year and a half, and we are all in need of more kindness, more tolerance, more support. This week I talked with family, friends all over the country, and even caught up in person with one this weekend, all of which helped me and Glenn regain some sense of normalcy with all the craziness.

The whole thing with Simone Biles, who had a very challenging childhood even before she was sexually abused by her US team gymnastics doctor and went on to become the face of the 2020 Olympics, made me think about how even the very best, most talented people are challenged by the past year’s super stress, that a lot more of us are at our breaking point than we might think. I am wishing that Simone gets all the friend support she needs after this very public “failure” or more accurately, “refusal to perform while she wasn’t feeling up to it.”  It’s a reminder that we are more than our performances, and we all deserved to be valued as human beings, not just gymnastics medal winners, or for the things in our past that we’ve accomplished.

I had tea with fiction writer Roz Ray, yesterday, who was just a ray of sunshine, and we talked writing and Glenn even got to talk-whisper a little bit about data science, which is what he’s studying in grad school. It was a nice reminder that life can go on, even with modifications. I guess I feel discouraged and overwhelmed – summer is very tough on my MS symptoms, and dealing with this health crisis of Glenn has left me generally worn out.

I was very much looking forward to starting virtual Breadloaf next week and then my residency in September, which I hope will help inspire my writing and my motivation to work on a new book, but now I just hope both me and my husband are well enough to make it through both and that the Delta covid doesn’t get to us. I’m trying hard not to anticipate the worst, but to be prepared for it, and to have self-compassion as well as trying to practice greater compassion for not just my spouse, but everyone around me. We need to be there for each other more than ever. I’m wishing you all health and happiness. Take a deep breath.

Zoo Visit with Dinosaurs and Red Pandas, Speculative Poetry – Practice and Teaching, and The Importance of Fun for Your Health

Allosaurus, very scary

Zoo Visit with Dinosaurs and Red Pandas

Let me just say two things: I freaking love zoos and I love dinosaurs. If you know anything about me, you should know that these qualities imbue my writing and thinking.  I took a college course during my three-year biology pre-med degree on how to be a zookeeper (a real investment) and seriously considered it as a career (til I found out the starting salary was $24K a year and a zookeeper lost her arm to a polar bear that year.) And I’ve been obsessed with dinosaurs since I was a kid. I love paleontology and also briefly considered studying ancient botany. And growing up around robots, I am frankly in awe of walking, talking dinosaur robots (better known as animatronic dinosaurs.)

So a visit to Woodland Park Zoo was just what I needed after a week of strange insomnia and high anxiety (days with only one or two hours of sleep in a row, which almost felt like no sleep.) Hell yes, I paid extra for the “Dinosaur Experience” and then hung around the red panda cubs (mostly grown now) that I visited in November. It was wonderful to be outside on a serene cloudy day, with so many happy children (kids love dinosaurs, which they definitely should) and I came home, had dinner and slept blissfully for six straight hours. Doing what you love is absolutely good for sleep. And good for your writing. I hadn’t submitted any poems this month, but the day after my visit I submitted to two places.

Glenn with T-Rex model head

Dinosaurs and Red Pandas Are Good for You

Okay, I may not be able to prove that a visit to to a local zoo with animatronic robots will fix your insomnia and boost your will to live. But just look at those pictures of baby dinosaurs and try not to feel joy!

But I stopped to look at a few actual real animals too – herons and penguins, my red panda twins, a sleeping snow leopard. This was one of my few planned outings to public places – I’m still being fairly conservative with my coronavirus risks, but I felt this one was fairly low risk and worth it.

Speculative Poetry – Teaching and Practicing

Fox statue, Woodland Park Zoo

In preparing for today’s Speculative Poetry Class, I learned some things – Zoom classes really require PowerPoints instead of handouts, and there aren’t a lot of resources out there for people who want to teach speculative poetry. It’s considered a niche, though speculative fiction is widely known and widely popular, still. I hope that spreading the word about the class – and hopefully, introducing some poets to the idea that speculative poetry is as old as Gilgamesh or at least the Goblin Market, and not at all strange (even if the subject matter is.) I wanted a few different exercises, which meant I had to try out a form I hadn’t really before – scifiku – and trying to select which poems to teach was hard! There are so many good speculative books of poetry, but to choose only a few poems to represent all of speculative verse? Tough.

Heron among penguins at feeding time

Stress Relief is Necessary, not Optional

At last, I’ll leave you with the thought that during these still very uncertain and fraught times, it’s important to grab joy and try to go do the things you know are life-giving, inspirational. I am very happy to have made a brief foray downtown this week to the zoo (and afterwards the Woodland Park rose garden, just to smell the flowers.) If you get stressed out by something – like I occasionally do by giving Zoom readings and classes, and much more seriously, by the dubious covid comeback that’s constantly in the news – then make sure you schedule yourself some downtime, some self-care, something you enjoy. Don’t continue to push yourself until you break teeth (I’ve broken six this past year and a half) and make yourself miserable. This summer I’m trying to both re-enter “regular life” at a very slow pace and stay cautious and put my own health – including doing things just for fun, as well as things like dentist visits and MRIs – as a priority. It’s a tough balance. I know I can’t stop worrying about some things – and the summer is usually my “down time” because my MS symptoms tend to act up in the heat. But I can choose to do what I can, when I can. And seriously, doing something you enjoy just might be the key to keeping your sleep schedule on track which helps your immunity.

So wish me luck on my speculative poetry class tomorrow, and in relaxing my over-anxious self afterwards. And I am wishing you all calm, peace, poetry, and if possible, fun.

Poetry Salon Reading and Class, Glenn’s 50th, Finches and Sunflowers, Thinking of the Future

Red and Pink sunflowers

Busy Week of Birthdays, Readings and Classes

Happy mid-July! It’s been so busy I’ve barely had time to catch my breath! Last week was my 27th wedding anniversary. Then we had Glenn’s 50th birthday party, I did a 15 year anniversary Zoom reading with Soul food Books, I’m doing another Zoom reading with The Poetry Salon tomorrow (Sunday) and then a Speculative Poetry Class with the Poetry Salon next Sunday. I’ve been working on finding great examples of speculative poetry in all its diversity. It’s good practice for me doing teaching and readings again after a year and a half of pandemic-induced non-activity. speculative poetry and thinking about how best to talk about speculative poetry, what kind of exercises to use, etc. It’s made me start to think about the future, about maybe setting up a writing residency/conference/publishing seminars. I may be disabled but I still want to share what I know with others. This pandemic proved to me that I love interacting with other writers and I missed it more than I thought I would.

Goldfinch with fountain and sunflowers

Finches and Sunflowers

One of the joys of July in the Seattle area is spending the roughly fifteen hours of daylight in nature. Here I’ve been building up my garden with new additions (like I grew some sunflowers from seeds) and I added a solar fountain/birdbath for the birds, and they love it. As you can tell from my pictures, I’ve enjoyed watching the birds drink, flutter through, and dunk their heads underwater. There are some summer activities I’ve yet to do – like going to the Seattle Art Museum for the Monet exhibit, or visiting the animatronic dinosaurs at the Woodland Park Zoo, or visiting some of my favorite art galleries. I’m still not sure what is “safe” or “not safe” for me with the current levels. Even though I’m fully vaccinated, some doctors are saying to stay away from public places. Anyway, I’m trying to find as much joy as I can in between things I “have to” do.

Poetry Salon Reading Sunday

The Poetry Salon Reading and Speculative Writing Class, Plus More Futuristic Thinking

So this Sunday (technically, today) at 2 PM I’ll be doing a Zoom reading (a link to the Facebook event – I think you have to sign up for an e-mail to get the Zoom link) with The Poetry Salon and next Sunday I’ll be teaching a class on speculative poetry (which you can buy tickets for here.)
They’ve posted one of my poems and more info on the speculative class here. And you can go The Poetry Salon’s web site for more info.

Like I said, I haven’t done a class for a while and I’m trying to rework my usual “handout” class plans for Zoom. It should be fun! Maybe I’ll see you there.

So I’m thinking about maybe finding a place where I could do writer’s retreats, classes and residencies in the future, a place that’s accessible – so many residencies aren’t – and in a place that inspires people. Watch this space – I’m out hunting for the perfect writer’s retreat in my spare time. Do I want to start a press, or a journal, or a charity for writers? See? I don’t want to go for crazy ambitions, but I want to do more than I’ve done in the past two years.  I’ve got two more years til I hit 50, and I want to dedicate some time now to figure out where I want to be as a writer by then. Maybe I’ll even have another book or two myself by then!

Anniversaries, Big Birthdays, Birds and Upcoming Readings and a Class on Speculative Poetry!

Glenn and I with lavender at Lauren Ashton Cellars

27th Anniversary and Glenn’s 50th Birthday

So this was a week of celebrations, low-key. Our 27th anniversary we celebrated by listening to music from 1994, the year we got married (Nirvana! Soundgarden! TLC! Tori Amos! Veruca Salt!), dressed up and visited a bunch of local wineries where lavender, roses, trumpet vine and lilies were in bloom, and did a little garden shopping.

Glenn got me chocolates, flowers, and a new eternity ring (rose gold with pink sapphires – so what I would pick for a wedding ring now instead of when I was 21! I was so traditional back then, plus jewelry was boring in the 90s.) I tried to dye Glenn’s hair dark blue, and it came out lavender, and got him a rare orchid. Well, we tried to have a punk rock anniversary, anyway. The couple that dyes together stays together!

Next up is Glenn’s 50th birthday, which we’re celebrating with my little brother and his wife, decorating with all-black decor, and making Blackout Brownies for Glenn’s cake. Glenn doesn’t like to be the center of attention and is a huge introvert, so having any kind of celebration is a big deal. We’ll try to make sure he relaxes a little and at least tries to enjoy his big day.

Swallowtail on purple phlox

Birds and Butterflies This Week: Bushtits, Swallowtails and Hummingbird Showers

This week, I got quite a show – a swallowtail butterfly who visited my phlox, hummingbirds enjoying my new solar fountain, and bushtit action shots (which sounds dirty, but is really cute.) We are lucky that this week hasn’t been too hot, but we’re in an official drought and there’s fire danger already, they’re saying. I’m ready for some of that famous Seattle rain now!

So we put out an extra birdbath with a solar fountain to provide extra water for our hummingbird population, and they love it! I see at least one hummingbird a way splashing through it. Bushtits are an underappreciated but adorable bird, in my opinion, so here’s a picture of a bushtit in flight and a mother bushtit feeding its baby.

Upcoming Reading July 15 and a Fancy Speculative Poetry Class

First I’ll be doing a 15th anniversary reading at Soul Food Books with Annette Spaulding-Convy on July 15 at 7 PM Pacific. Can I believe it’s been 15 years! No! Annette Spaulding-Convy is one of the two editors at Two Sylvias Press and a great poet. Here’s the link for info and to get to the Zoom reading! 

I have an upcoming speculative poetry class at 2 PM Pacific July 25th – only $50 – that you can sign up for on eventbrite.

Here’s the description:

Here’s the link for tickets!  

A Poem “Divination” in the new issue of Shenandoah, Birds, Heat Waves and the Fourth, Good News and Gardening

Bald Eagle

Poem in the New Issue of Shenandoah

Happy to announce that I have a poem in the new Spring 2021 issue of Shenandoah, which also has work by friends and amazing writers like Lesley Wheeler, Ann Fisher-Worth, Erika Meitner, Anna Marie Hong and Lisa Russ Spahr. Here’s a link to the poem but read the whole issue, it’s great. I’m very thankful to be in such a dream magazine with so many great writers.

Here’s a sneak peek at my poem in the issue here:

from Shenandoah Spring 2021 issue

Birds and Heat Waves

It was a brutal week here last week, getting up to 110 degrees in our backyard, almost everyone, including birds and flowers, miserable. I tried to keep the bird watered and the garden watered and called and checked on friends without air conditioning, but it was stressful. The heat makes my MS worse, and I almost fell a couple of times out of nowhere, so that was scary. I have to remember to rest on hot days.

We’ve also got wildfires now in BC, Canada, and the smoke is lingering in the sky high overhead. Many places here cancelled their fireworks shows due to the dry and the heat, but some idiots will insist of lighting off their own fireworks and possibly starting fires. Fourth of July has never been my favorite holiday (smoke! loud noises! asthma attacks from the terrible air quality!) and now with the threat of fires, even less so. Oh well. We’ll hope for the best.

And in the meantime, some pictures of birds (and a Townsend chipmunk) that visited us this week, to cheer us all up. And I’ll post a picture of Glenn and I on the 4th with blue and red hair!

Glenn with blue hair, me with red, Happy 4th with roses and Lake Washington!

Happy 4th and A Bit of Good News

I was thinking about the way we think about good news, and the way we poets are always waiting for good news, and get a lot of rejections, and steel ourselves against disappointment, sometimes so much so that when we actually get this long-awaited good news, we underplay it, to keep ourselves from further disappointment. Isn’t it hard to celebrate? So much easier to expect the worse than to even dare to think about expecting the best possible thing? Is this a writer thing?

And here are some flowers from my garden, a little bit of Seattle in July. In the garden, I expect the deer to come and eat some flowers, and for unexpected plant illnesses to kill some of my favorite plants sometime. I just shrug and go ahead planting different plants and hoping for the best. Gardening is so optimistic – you plant some seeds, and you hope some of the seedlings survive and flower. I planted a bunch of poppy and sunflower seeds last year, and although the didn’t all come up, a lot of them survived and gave me flowers I didn’t have before. If you plant a tree in the wrong place, or with the wrong conditions, sometimes it dies. But if you fertilize, and water, and protect it from predators large and small, eventually, you will probably have a full-grown awe-inspiring tree. Trees make me happy. Flowers do too. Maybe the attitude I have towards gardening should also be the attitude I have towards my writing life.