Summertime of Art Galleries, Hummingbirds, Haircuts: Self-Care During Hard Times

Glenn and I with roses and lavender

Self-Care During Hard Times: Summer Edition

You’re going to see a lot of picture of smiles, hummingbirds, art, and flowers in this post, but it’s really a post this week about coping mechanisms and the realities of self-care for writers and/or people with chronic illnesses that get worse in the summer.

I think this summer has been hard on people. The news has been pretty bleak. I’ve heard from friends going through unexpected tough times, and I have been struggling with about a month of trigeminal nerve pain, as well as regular MS symptoms that generally get worse during summer. I’m also shopping two books around, which means I’ve been getting rejections for not just my regular poetry submissions, but books as well. (PS: I am so ready to have a publisher and get going on my next book – I think it gives me energy!) There’s record heat around the world, and right now, wildfires near where several of my friends in Alaska live. So that’s where my own survival skills, self-care skills if you will, come in. Here are a few of my key coping mechanisms.

Glenn and I with white rose bower

Spending Time in Nature

One reason we chose the neighborhood we did a few years back is because I wanted to be around trees and flowers, in a relatively rural area, and I wanted to be able to have a garden. Woodinville is famous for being Seattle’s wine country, but the area also has bustling fruit and flower stands, farms, and parks. I can’t walk far with my cane, but I think it’s mentally helpful for me to get out and about in nature. I like to pick fruit (thanks blueberry shrubs and strawberry plants) and cut flowers to put around the house. I like to seek out the very best corners for old-fashioned rose bowers, water features, and casual lounging around some spectacular (expensively kept up) garden for inspiration. I might not have a fancy old-school garden yet, but I always get ideas from the landscapes around me.

Practicing a Hobby You’re Not Great At – Yet

Hummingbird hovering over viburnum

There’s something relaxing about practicing a hobby you’re not competitive with, you’re not expected to be an expert at, but that still feels like a creative outlet. I have started the practice of a little amateur photography. My favorite subject? Hummingbirds! You may have noticed that I study and watch hummingbirds a lot because they show up quite a bit on the blog.

This week I didn’t feel that I looked my best (and definitely wasn’t feeling 100 percent,) but I got out my portrait lens of my “fancy” camera (non-cell-phone) and tried my hand at a little portrait photography. People are much harder to capture than hummingbirds. The lighting, the angles, and composition are much trickier for human beings, I think. But I’m practicing because someday I’d like to be someone that could potentially take author photos for my writer friends. Here are a few of the results of this week’s practice:

: An up-close shot in blue

: Glenn at DeLille Cellars

: Another rose bower in black polka dots

I love the shot of Glenn with the lilies. I think it’s my favorite. He’s a great model!

New hair cut and color

Art Galleries, Inspiration, and Sometimes You Need to Get Your Hair Cut

Sometimes sick/disabled people put things off – like getting their hair done, or going out to an art gallery – in favor of more rest when they’re not feeling great. But sometimes making the effort to leave the house is worth it for something as trivial as a hair cut or as ambitious as getting out to a concert, the bookstore, or an art gallery. I felt a genuine lift over losing two inches of hair! And I always feel more inspired after spending time in art galleries.

Me with “The Sodden Hearts”

I took advantage of the nice weather and lack of traffic to go check out Roq La Rue’s “Visions of Grace” show, by three local artists, Laurie Lee Brom, Syd Bee, and Kari-Lise Alexander, running through July 7. It was wonderful. Also there was a lot of cheerful rainbow flag waving along the streets in Capital Hill! I love our city sometimes.
Here are a few pieces I thought were pretty interesting. “The Sodden Hearts” by Syd Bee (very Seattle appropriate, I thought) and Kari Lee Alexander’s “The Dreams We Consume in the Depths of Our Hearts.” And an artist was in the process of covering one wall with a very cool hummingbird mural. Worth checking out!

: “Consuming Your Dreams…”

: Hummingbird mural – in progress

I always seem to write more poetry after I spend time with visual art. I’ve also got a new stack of library books – for fun, not for review – and I’ve been editing my newish book manuscript, which has called for trying to write some new poems. I’m waiting to see the new issue of Spoon River Poetry Review (which has a few of my poems in it) in the mail and for two book reviews to go up. While I’m experiencing down time, I’m also trying not to shut myself off from the world entirely. I may not be able to do as much as I want, but I still want to do the things I can do to keep my spirits and inspiration going.

Solstices and Strawberry Moons, How to Tell It’s Summer in Seattle, and Thinking About Summer Downtime

Hummingbird with fuchsia flower

Solstices and Strawberry Moons

I hope you all had a wonderful solstice! We had a beautiful full Strawberry Moon right before. It’s been grey and gloomy ever since – in fact, as I’m writing this, I’m watching cold rain fall outside my window.

That doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate summer in our own way – yesterday I even went out and deadheaded roses and cut back my out-of-control mint and lemon balm. I went out and explored the Woodinville area’s gardens, too. And of course I’ve kept up my birdwatching. This week, I got a shot of a pileated woodpecker in flight. The hummingbirds have been busy too.

: Strawberry Full Moon

: Me in the Willows Lodge Garden on the Solstice

: Pileated Woodpecker in Flight

: Pileated Woodpecker

Rainier Cherries from a roadside stand

How to Tell It’s Summer in Seattle

We stopped by a roadside cherry stand yesterday and picked up a pint of Rainier cherries for $4. That is how you can tell it’s summer in Seattle! It may be 60 degrees and rainy, but those Rainier cherries are a beautiful seasonal harbinger. And they are so delicious. I missed them so much the two years I lived in California. California may be the state of fresh produce, but they just don’t offer anything like Washington State Rainier cherries. We cook them and serve them over Greek yogurt for breakfast or put them into muffins or just eat them plain and unadorned. There are almost never enough to make into a cherry pie, believe it or not. These cherries disappear fast!

What to Do with Summer Downtime

For me so far, I’ve had to deal with some physical MS stuff that has led to some enforced downtime, including sleeping much more than usual and just not having the mental or physical energy I’m used to. I even had an appointment at a pain management clinic (at the encouragement of my primary care doc and neurologist) where I talked to an anesthesiologist about different options for me for nerve pain (I’ve had a couple of weeks of trigeminal nerve pain.) It was actually fascinating and the doctor answered all of my questions and it was nice to know that if I get “10” level pain again I have options. (I’m allergic to all the opioids and can’t take NSAIDs or aspirin, am allergic to novocaine, and have woken up from anesthetics during every surgery I’ve had.) By the way, I had red hair until I was about seven, and she told me redheads are a little more difficult to treat for pain. That’s not a myth! 23 And Me’s traits indicate my hair is red or blonde and my eyes are blue, even though I’m actually a brunette with gray eyes. Phenotypes vs Genotypes! Tricky! Anyway, if you are dealing with acute or chronic pain, it might be worth a trip to your local pain clinic just to check out the options. There are more than there used to be.

Sylvia with Stacks of unread magazines

So, I’ve had some extra time and not a lot of extra energy. I’ve written a few poems but haven’t sent out much. I’m researching presses again before I send out either of my books and have a huge stack of books to read. Here’s a picture of Sylvia that illustrates just how I feel – I’m overwhelmed by my to-read pile!

Summer has never been my healthiest period – it’s when I usually catch the flu or pneumonia, when I’ve been hospitalized for MS, caught various bugs, and broken bones. I’m not sure why, but summer and I just do not get along. It’s also almost my 25th (!!) anniversary and I’m hoping I’ll be healthy enough to celebrate!

I can feel frustrated with myself and my physicality or just embrace the concept of downtime itself and allow myself to rest and recover. I’m trying to keep the television off and audiobooks and creativity guides around. I spend time sketching (which I’m terrible at) or dreaming over gardening magazines, listening to music, and sleeping.

I believe as creative writers – or even just as humans – we need a little downtime. We are not productivity machines. There are rises and falls, times when I write several poems a day and weeks when I don’t write anything. We don’t need to submit poetry every single day (and besides, you probably know fewer journal read during the summer – although there are exceptions.) They say children need to spend time being bored in order to grow problem-solving skills, imagination and creativity. Maybe adults are the same. We need to allow ourselves some unscheduled time, especially during the summer, when deadlines are less likely to be pressing, and people are on vacation anyway. Remind yourself you are valuable outside of what you produce. Maybe start up a hobby you’re not good at (see aforementioned sketching) and listen to music you’re unfamiliar with. Snip flowers from the garden and keep them in a small vase next to the bed while you nap (I particularly like roses, lavender and sweetpeas.) I bet you will be feel better emotionally and physically, and creatively refreshed.

Almost Summer, Poet Friend Hang Out Time, and Sending Out (Even When You Feel Discouraged) and the Harm of Instant Star Narratives

Me with roses and lavender in Kirkland’s Carillon Point Marina

Almost Summer…

There are a few things that I’ve learned herald the beginning of summer here in the Seattle suburbs. The blooming roses and lavender, sunflowers and goldfinches, the arrival of Rainier cherries on roadside stands, and the first hot air balloons going up around our house. We have yet to see the first hot air balloon, but I saw my first goldfinch on my sunflowers! It really is a beautiful time of year here (as long as I don’t have to stay inside because of the record-breaking heat and scorching sun, which happened this week – 92 degree in June!) We even had a gardening class that explained how to make our garden more friendly for the hotter, drier summers we’ve started to get in the Northwest. (Hint: Plant species that are naturally draught-resistant.)

: Rose archway with lavender and lens flare

: Sparrow on a hummingbird feeder

: Goldfinch blurry with sunflowers

Kelli and I with fushcias and Shakespeare

Spending Time with Poets

We were lucky to spend some time with poet Kelli Russell Agodon and her family (including her daughter, who is taking creative writing classes in college – so exciting!) We talked about rejection (we both got some that were a little hard on us) and summer poetry projects, and how to use social media correctly (I still need a little coaching on this, especially Instagram.) Glenn made a fruit and cheese plate (with strawberries we grew ourselves) and chocolate-dipped madeleines, and we wandered around the garden (I’m particularly proud of my now-very-healthy lavender roses.)

: Kelly and I pose with roses

: Another rose garden pose

Sending Out in the Summer, and the Harm of Instant-Star Narratives

One of the things we talked about was how to stay motivated to keep writing and sending out in the summertime, how to bounce back from rejections that feel personal, and the harm of “Instant Star” narratives. These are the profiles in magazines or podcasts from young writers where they say “I sent my poetry manuscript out once, and it was taken at a big press, and then I won a major fellowship and got a tenure-track teaching job and was sprinkled with rainbows and unicorns.” Well, the end might be a little bit of hyperbole. The reason I don’t like younger writers to read these kinds of interviews and profiles is because it’s not even close to the reality for most writers, and if they think it is, then they will start out feeling more discouraged than they should. One writer friend said she was taking a class from Nick Flynn and he said it took him ten years to get his first book published. It took me eighteen months to find a publisher for my first book, but six years to find a publisher for the second. Right now I’m researching presses for my sixth poetry book which I think is pretty close to being done and a seventh that’s in progress. I expect to spend some money on reading fees (they are getting higher every year, so I set aside any money I make from poetry to spend on them) and to get some rejections. I worry that I’m getting a little older and the editors are getting younger. I worry my poetry is not “hip” enough, and that the subject matter (like my poems about dealing with multiple sclerosis) might be too downbeat. But I think I know to expect some rejections along the way, and I try not to take rejections of the manuscript (or fellowship/grant applications) personally, although honestly, it’s difficult not to. Hey, I’m not made of stone. One of the reasons it’s important to talk with other poets is that it reminds us we are not the only ones who struggle with these things.

All of my poet friends – no matter how successful they seem to me – worry about a lot of the same things. Very few people are instant stars. A lot more people work really hard in obscurity, taking adjunct jobs and doing readings where few people show up and sending out their manuscripts as many times as they can afford. A lot of times rejections come in waves, but so do acceptances. And sometimes good luck happens in clusters. Anyway, for those of you looking towards summer, don’t forget to keep writing and keep sending out your work – these days publishers and literary magazines have deadlines year-round, especially the non-academic ones. And remember not to get beaten down by your rejections, and to help celebrate when you or your friends have a success, even if it seems small to you – I think our brains are hard-wired to focus more on the rejections than the acceptances, so we have to break out the sparkling wine and cake more often!

Poems Up at WordGathering, Woodinville Wine Country, and a Day at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance

Hummingbird with sunflowers

Poems up at Wordgathering and Thanks

First of all, thanks to everyone for their kind comments about my poem “Fairy Tale Redacted” up on Verse Daily! It’s part of my new book manuscript that if I have any luck will find its publisher soon!

And thanks to Wordgathering for putting up two of my previously published poems, “Shorting Out” about my first symptoms of multiple sclerosis, and “Cesium Burns Blue.” WordGathering specifically focuses on work by disabled writers and is run by very interesting people I got to meet at AWP this year, fortunately.

This is a hummingbird perched by our new plantings of sunflowers. I am hoping to attract some goldfinches. I even planted a “Cherry sunflower” that is supposedly pink! I guess we’ll see.

Glenn and I at the Alexandria Nicole Cellars winery, with roses (on National Rosé Day! With hair to match!)

Woodinville Wine Country in June

Speaking of pink…I spent a lot of time at doctor’s offices and in labs this last couple of weeks (and still not done – have a few more in the next few weeks) but I finally felt well enough today to go out a bit in the nice weather and explore Woodinville Wine Country on National Rosé Day! I even had hair to match.

The roses and lavender have just started blooming and we even went home after Glenn tried a wine tasting with a bottle of wine (for the next time we entertain friends!) We had rabbits running around the yard and birds chirping and it felt like beautiful spring – even if we are on the cusp of summer. I’ve been seeing herons and eagles flying home in the evening.

Glenn and I with stream and roses blooming

A Day at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance

I spent almost a whole day going to my hematologist down at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. My doctor there I have known for fifteen years. The last time we talked it was when we thought I might be dying of liver cancer, and we talked about safe biopsies and chemo and surgery obstacles. This time I brought her my newest book and we discussed my mild anemia (she’s worried about it, but I’m not) and MS drug risks and pain drugs and pain clinic consultations. I sat in the reclining chairs watching the beautiful Puget sound blue by all the people getting chemo and waiting to get chemo. I wound through the blood lab around patients much worse off than me. It gives you perspective, these kinds of visits. The doctor, which was very unusual, gave me a hug at the end of the appointment. It felt like a blessing, a sort of hopeful encouragement. I walked out into the rainy early evening, feeling the ghost of my previous experiences, of the fear of death, and the gratefulness of feeling alive. (Also, PS: If you have anemia, having your blood drawn does not make you feel less tired. Sigh.)

Anyway, I’m looking forward to having some friends over for a visit next weekend and hopefully on the upswing from the latest bout of MS-related pain, and a few less doctor appointments if I can help it! I am hoping to remind myself that I can’t take being alive for granted, even when it is a struggle, and not to forget to live, whether that’s going out and taking advantage of a beautiful day, or watching a bird, or planting new flowers, or reading new poetry that might inspire or going to a concert or a gallery showing. I may not be able to do everything I want every day, but the days I can, I want to live as fully as possible. Wishing you a happy (and vibrant) mid-June!

A Poem up at Verse Daily, and Unexpected Wildflowers

Hot pink lupines, my garden

A New Poem Up at Verse Daily!

I’ve been feeling a little discouraged with the poetry world lately, so it was so nice today to get an acceptance in the morning – and find out in the evening I had a poem up on Verse Daily today! It’s “Fairy Tale Redacted,” from the literary magazine Redactions.

Here’s a sneak peek:

Verse Daily, Fairy Tale Redacted

Wildflowers in Woodinville

I felt well enough today to take a longer stroll, and saw a lot of baby rabbits hiding around blackberry hedges, and found this beautiful wildflower field at a local farm. Some days the world is full of hidden beauty. I was inspired to get some sunflowers to plant in my own back yard. I wish you some good news, sunshine, and unexpected wildflowers this week.

: Lupine field

: Poppies

: Baby rabbit – look at the little ears

Summertime of Art Galleries, Hummingbirds, Haircuts: Self-Care During Hard Times