A 25th Anniversary with Waterfalls and Mountains and How MS Can Limit Your Hiking (But Not Your Love of Nature)

Glenn and I at Snofalls Lavender Farm

25th Anniversary with Mountains and Waterfalls

This year for our Silver Wedding Anniversary (!!) we decided to spend it in one of my favorite places, Snoqualmie Falls and Ollalie State Park. We drove up, stopped by the Snofalls Lavender Farm on the way up, spent the night at Salish Lodge so we could hike to the big falls, stop at some Twin Peaks spots, go up to another State Park and waterfall and come back and watch the sunset AND moonset over the Snoqualmie Falls. It was beautiful, and it was raining immediately before and after our stay, so we felt really lucky.

How MS Can Limit Your Hiking (But Not Your Love of Nature)

One of my “secret” beautiful spots in Washington State – because any Twin Peaks fan knows about Snoqualmie Falls – is the Weeks Falls at Ollalie State Park, just a few miles up the road. It has a beautiful forest trail with gigantic trees along the Snoqualmie River. Almost no one is ever there when we visit, so you feel like you’re totally alone – sure, it can feel a bit like “I could be murdered in the woods or eaten by a bear and no one would find the body for a while” but there’s also something wonderful about being alone in nature.

Vertical picture of gigantic evergreen tree at Ollalie State Park

Now, the last time I was there I hadn’t yet started to have my major MS symptoms, and I remember it being a fairly easy stroll from the parking lot to the hiking trail and then to the waterfall. This time, I definitely needed a cane – and then, my “off-road” wheelchair to make it to all my favorite spots. It occurred to me how accessible Snoqualmie Falls is – there are lots of stairs, but also lots of ramps – compared to most of the beautiful mountain spots in Washington. Being around trees and waterfalls helps my soul feel happy – and I wanted to share that it took some additional modifications (ahem, off-roading wheels added by my husband to my wheelchair) and a little more work – but I could still literally hug a tree and watch the river jumping with fish while the spray of the waterfall hit me.

I think it’s easy, when you have MS, to not go out in nature as often because it takes some advance planning and some help. But for me it’s worth the effort. Being in the woods brings me more clarity. I like taking time off from technology for a bit and thinking about life and milestones around a roaring river and old trees. It’s a great place for deep thoughts. There’s no way you can’t feel happier around trees and waterfalls. It’s a fact. It’s the kind of place where you start bursting into song like a freaking Disney princess.

Field of Lavender

So, all in all, an inspiring and romantic escape in between the rain that’s been surprising newcomers to Seattle (in the old days, July was always a little dreary.) I was happy I could still get into the forest and fields of flowers and the various waterfalls and celebrate 25 years of marriage in a fantastic setting. The night we stayed over, the moon glowed a pinkish orange, and it set at about 1 in the morning, and we watched it go down, and the stars were so bright. Pretty magical.  I’m lucky to be married to someone I’m still happy to be around after 25 years, in a place that’s filled with some of the best scenery in the world. So I’ve had some health issues recently, and I’ve felt a little discouraged about PoetryWorld, but I can’t deny feeling a little sunnier and a little more hopeful. I’ll have to rest for a day after all this activity, but it will have been worth it, and I feel I’m leaving the forest with more perspective.

New poems in Summer 2019’s Spoon River Poetry Review, Butterflies, Kittens, July 4 and 25th Anniversaries

Sylvia with the Summer 2019 issue of Spoon River Poetry Review

Four New Poems in the Summer 2019 Issue of Spoon River Poetry Review

I am very excited to share that I have four poems from my newest manuscript in the Summer 2019 issue of Spoon River Poetry Review. Here’s Sylvia posing with her copy and a peek at one of the poems, “My Life Is an Accident.” The sunlight turned it blue!

 

From Spoon River Poetry Review

Swallowtail on verbena

Kittens, Swallowtail Butterflies, July 4, and 25th Anniversaries

Hey, you guys feeling the Fourth of July this year? Yeah, me neither. Instead of grinding our teeth over 45 spending millions on tanks (and taking it away from our parks) in our capital, let’s take a moment to enjoy the wonders of summer all around us. Swallowtail butterflies! Kittens napping next to roses cut from garden!

Sylvia asleep with roses from the garden

And if you want to do something positive on July 4, consider donating to RAICES, which helps unaccompanied children and detained immigrants seeking asylum in the United States. And plant a tree and some milkweed. Feed your hummingbirds. Say hi to a neighbor. Little things that can make our country better.

Glenn and I have something to celebrate next week as well – our 25th (!!) Anniversary. We’re not doing anything that big, but it’s important to celebrate the positive things in our lives as much as mourn the bad stuff. I try not to let MS keep me from everything fun in the world (although sometimes it feels that way.) We’ll try to get out and listen to some music and have cocktails, maybe head out for a day trip to one of the lovely areas around here and get out into nature and bring a picnic. Like real people. Like we did when we were first dating.

Glenn and I after our wedding

So, we have to remember to celebrate the beauty, the kindness, the love, and the poetry in our lives. Here’s a little picture of Glenn and I twenty five years ago. They threw rose petals instead of rice. I’ve been growing roses every since.

And here’s a little Fourth of July song to cheer you up by Aimee Mann: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOYI85anqmQ

 

Summertime of Art Galleries, Hummingbirds, Haircuts: Self-Care During Hard Times

Glenn and I with roses and lavender

Self-Care During Hard Times: Summer Edition

You’re going to see a lot of picture of smiles, hummingbirds, art, and flowers in this post, but it’s really a post this week about coping mechanisms and the realities of self-care for writers and/or people with chronic illnesses that get worse in the summer.

I think this summer has been  hard on people. The news has been pretty bleak. I’ve heard from friends going through unexpected tough times, and I have been struggling with about a month of trigeminal nerve pain, as well as regular MS symptoms that generally get worse during summer. I’m also shopping two books around, which means I’ve been getting rejections for not just my regular poetry submissions, but books as well. (PS: I am so ready to have a publisher and get going on my next book – I think it gives me energy!) There’s record heat around the world, and right now, wildfires near where several of my friends in Alaska live. So that’s where my own survival skills, self-care skills if you will, come in. Here are a few of my key coping mechanisms.

Glenn and I with white rose bower

Spending Time in Nature

One reason we chose the neighborhood we did a few years back is because I wanted to be around trees and flowers, in a relatively rural area, and I wanted to be able to have a garden. Woodinville is famous for being Seattle’s wine country, but the area also has bustling fruit and flower stands, farms, and parks. I can’t walk far with my cane, but I think it’s mentally helpful for me to get out and about in nature. I like to pick fruit (thanks blueberry shrubs and strawberry plants) and cut flowers to put around the house. I like to seek out the very best corners for old-fashioned rose bowers, water features, and casual lounging around some spectacular (expensively kept up) garden for inspiration. I might not have a fancy old-school garden yet, but I always get ideas from the landscapes around me.

Practicing a Hobby You’re Not Great At – Yet

Hummingbird hovering over viburnum

There’s something relaxing about practicing a hobby you’re not competitive with, you’re not expected to be an expert at, but that still feels like a creative outlet. I have started the practice of a little amateur photography. My favorite subject? Hummingbirds! You may have noticed that I study and watch hummingbirds a lot because they show up quite a bit on the blog.

This week I didn’t feel that I looked my best (and definitely wasn’t feeling 100 percent,) but I got out my portrait lens of my “fancy” camera (non-cell-phone) and tried my hand at a little portrait photography. People are much harder to capture than hummingbirds. The lighting, the angles, and composition are much trickier for human beings, I think. But I’m practicing because someday I’d like to be someone that could potentially take author photos for my writer friends. Here are a few of the results of this week’s practice:

I love the shot of Glenn with the lilies. I think it’s my favorite. He’s a great model!

New hair cut and color

Art Galleries, Inspiration, and Sometimes You Need to Get Your Hair Cut

Sometimes sick/disabled people put things off – like getting their hair done, or going out to an art gallery – in favor of more rest when they’re not feeling great. But sometimes making the effort to leave the house is worth it for something as trivial as a hair cut or as ambitious as getting out to a concert, the bookstore, or an art gallery. I felt a genuine lift over losing two inches of hair! And I always feel more inspired after spending time in art galleries.

Me with “The Sodden Hearts”

I took advantage of the nice weather and lack of traffic to go check out Roq La Rue’s “Visions of Grace” show, by three local artists, Laurie Lee Brom, Syd Bee, and Kari-Lise Alexander, running through July 7. It was wonderful. Also there was a lot of cheerful rainbow flag waving along the streets in Capital Hill! I love our city sometimes.
Here are a few pieces I thought were pretty interesting. “The Sodden Hearts” by Syd Bee (very Seattle appropriate, I thought) and Kari Lee Alexander’s “The Dreams We Consume in the Depths of Our Hearts.” And an artist was in the process of covering one wall with a very cool hummingbird mural.  Worth checking out!

I always seem to write more poetry after I spend time with visual art. I’ve also got a new stack of library books – for fun, not for review – and I’ve been editing my newish book manuscript, which has called for trying to write some new poems. I’m waiting to see the new issue of Spoon River Poetry Review (which has a few of my poems in it) in the mail and for two book reviews to go up. While I’m experiencing down time, I’m also trying not to shut myself off from the world entirely. I may not be able to do as much as I want, but I still want to do the things I can do to keep my spirits and inspiration going.

Solstices and Strawberry Moons, How to Tell It’s Summer in Seattle, and Thinking About Summer Downtime

Hummingbird with fuchsia flower

Solstices and Strawberry Moons

I hope you all had a wonderful solstice! We had a beautiful full Strawberry Moon right before. It’s been grey and gloomy ever since – in fact, as I’m writing this, I’m watching cold rain fall outside my window.

That doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate summer in our own way – yesterday I even went out and deadheaded roses and cut back my out-of-control mint and lemon balm. I went out and explored the Woodinville area’s gardens, too. And of course I’ve kept up my birdwatching. This week, I got a shot of a pileated woodpecker in flight. The hummingbirds have been busy too.

Rainier Cherries from a roadside stand

How to Tell It’s Summer in Seattle

We stopped by a roadside cherry stand yesterday and picked up a pint of Rainier cherries for $4. That is how you can tell it’s summer in Seattle! It may be 60 degrees and rainy, but those Rainier cherries are a beautiful seasonal harbinger. And they are so delicious.  I missed them so much the two years I lived in California. California may be the state of fresh produce, but they just don’t offer anything like Washington State Rainier cherries. We cook them and serve them over Greek yogurt for breakfast or put them into muffins or just eat them plain and unadorned. There are almost never enough to make into a cherry pie, believe it or not. These cherries disappear fast!

What to Do with Summer Downtime

For me so far, I’ve had to deal with some physical MS stuff that has led to some enforced downtime, including sleeping much more than usual and just not having the mental or physical energy I’m used to. I even had an appointment at a pain management clinic (at the encouragement of my primary care doc and neurologist) where I talked to an anesthesiologist about different options for me for nerve pain (I’ve had a couple of weeks of trigeminal nerve pain.) It was actually fascinating and the doctor answered all of my questions and it was nice to know that if I get “10” level pain again I have options. (I’m allergic to all the opioids and can’t take NSAIDs or aspirin, am allergic to novocaine, and have woken up from anesthetics during every surgery I’ve had.) By the way, I had red hair until I was about seven, and she told me redheads are a little more difficult to treat for pain. That’s not a myth! 23 And Me’s traits indicate my hair is red or blonde and my eyes are blue, even though I’m actually a brunette with gray eyes. Phenotypes vs Genotypes! Tricky! Anyway, if you are dealing with acute or chronic pain, it might be worth a trip to your local pain clinic just to check out the options. There are more than there used to be.

Sylvia with Stacks of unread magazines

So, I’ve had some extra time and not a lot of extra energy. I’ve written a few poems but haven’t sent out much. I’m researching presses again before I send out either of my books and have a huge stack of books to read. Here’s a picture of Sylvia that illustrates just how I feel – I’m overwhelmed by my to-read pile!

Summer has never been my healthiest period – it’s when I usually catch the flu or pneumonia, when I’ve been hospitalized for MS, caught various bugs, and broken bones. I’m not sure why, but summer and I just do not get along. It’s also almost my 25th (!!) anniversary and I’m hoping I’ll be healthy enough to celebrate!

I can feel frustrated with myself and my physicality or just embrace the concept of downtime itself and allow myself to rest and recover. I’m trying to keep the television off and audiobooks and creativity guides around. I spend time sketching (which I’m terrible at) or dreaming over gardening magazines, listening to music, and sleeping.

I believe as creative writers – or even just as humans – we need a little downtime. We are not productivity machines. There are rises and falls, times when I write several poems a day and weeks when I don’t write anything. We don’t need to submit poetry every single day (and besides, you probably know fewer journal read during the summer – although there are exceptions.) They say children need to spend time being bored in order to grow problem-solving skills, imagination and creativity. Maybe adults are the same. We need to allow ourselves some unscheduled time, especially during the summer, when deadlines are less likely to be pressing, and people are on vacation anyway. Remind yourself you are valuable outside of what you produce. Maybe start up a hobby you’re not good at (see aforementioned sketching) and listen to music you’re unfamiliar with. Snip flowers from the garden and keep them in a small vase next to the bed while you nap (I particularly like roses, lavender and sweetpeas.)  I bet you will be feel better emotionally and physically, and creatively refreshed.

Almost Summer, Poet Friend Hang Out Time, and Sending Out (Even When You Feel Discouraged) and the Harm of Instant Star Narratives

Me with roses and lavender in Kirkland’s Carillon Point Marina

Almost Summer…

There are a few things that I’ve learned herald the beginning of summer here in the Seattle suburbs. The blooming roses and lavender, sunflowers and goldfinches, the arrival of Rainier cherries on roadside stands, and the first hot air balloons going up around our house. We have yet to see the first hot air balloon, but I saw my first goldfinch on my sunflowers! It really is a beautiful time of year here (as long as I don’t have to stay inside because of the record-breaking heat and scorching sun, which happened this week – 92 degree in June!) We even had a gardening class that explained how to make our garden more friendly for the hotter, drier summers we’ve started to get in the Northwest. (Hint: Plant species that are naturally draught-resistant.)

Kelli and I with fushcias and Shakespeare

Spending Time with Poets

We were lucky to spend some time with poet Kelli Russell Agodon and her family (including her daughter, who is taking creative writing classes in college – so exciting!) We talked about rejection (we both got some that were a little hard on us) and summer poetry projects, and how to use social media correctly (I still need a little coaching on this, especially Instagram.) Glenn made a fruit and cheese plate (with strawberries we grew ourselves) and chocolate-dipped madeleines, and we wandered around the garden (I’m particularly proud of my now-very-healthy lavender roses.)

Sending Out in the Summer, and the Harm of Instant-Star Narratives

One of the things we talked about was how to stay motivated to keep writing and sending out in the summertime, how to bounce back from rejections that feel personal, and the harm of “Instant Star” narratives. These are the profiles in magazines or podcasts from young writers where they say “I sent my poetry manuscript out once, and it was taken at a big press, and then I won a major fellowship and got a tenure-track teaching job and was sprinkled with rainbows and unicorns.” Well, the end might be a little bit of hyperbole. The reason I don’t like younger writers to read these kinds of interviews and profiles is because it’s not even close to the reality for most writers, and if they think it is, then they will start out feeling more discouraged than they should. One writer friend said she was taking a class from Nick Flynn and he said it took him ten years to get his first book published. It took me eighteen months to find a publisher for my first book, but six years to find a publisher for the second. Right now I’m researching presses for my sixth poetry book which I think is pretty close to being done and a seventh that’s in progress. I expect to spend some money on reading fees (they are getting higher every year, so I set aside any money I make from poetry to spend on them) and to get some rejections. I worry that I’m getting a little older and the editors are getting younger. I worry my poetry is not “hip” enough, and that the subject matter (like my poems about dealing with multiple sclerosis) might be too downbeat. But I think I know to expect some rejections along the way, and I try not to take rejections of the manuscript (or fellowship/grant applications) personally, although honestly, it’s difficult not to. Hey, I’m not made of stone. One of the reasons it’s important to talk with other poets is that it reminds us we are not the only ones who struggle with these things.

All of my poet friends – no matter how successful they seem to me – worry about a lot of the same things. Very few people are instant stars. A lot more people work really hard in obscurity, taking adjunct jobs and doing readings where few people show up and sending out their manuscripts as many times as they can afford. A lot of times rejections come in waves, but so do acceptances. And sometimes good luck happens in clusters. Anyway, for those of you looking towards summer, don’t forget to keep writing and keep sending out your work – these days publishers and literary magazines have deadlines year-round, especially the non-academic ones. And remember not to get beaten down by your rejections, and to help celebrate when you or your friends have a success, even if it seems small to you – I think our brains are hard-wired to focus more on the rejections than the acceptances, so we have to break out the sparkling wine and cake more often!

Poems Up at WordGathering, Woodinville Wine Country, and a Day at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance

Hummingbird with sunflowers

Poems up at Wordgathering and Thanks

First of all, thanks to everyone for their kind comments about my poem “Fairy Tale Redacted” up on Verse Daily! It’s part of my new book manuscript that if I have any luck will find its publisher soon!

And thanks to Wordgathering for putting up two of my previously published poems, “Shorting Out” about my first symptoms of multiple sclerosis, and “Cesium Burns Blue.” WordGathering specifically focuses on work by disabled writers and is run by very interesting people I got to meet at AWP this year, fortunately.

This is a hummingbird perched by our new plantings of sunflowers. I am hoping to attract some goldfinches. I even planted a “Cherry sunflower” that is supposedly pink! I guess we’ll see.

Glenn and I at the Alexandria Nicole Cellars winery, with roses (on National Rosé Day! With hair to match!)

Woodinville Wine Country in June

Speaking of pink…I spent a lot of time at doctor’s offices and in labs this last couple of weeks (and still not done – have a few more in the next few weeks) but I finally felt well enough today to go out a bit in the nice weather and explore Woodinville Wine Country on National Rosé Day! I even had hair to match.

The roses and lavender have just started blooming and we even went home after Glenn tried a wine tasting with a bottle of wine (for the next time we entertain friends!) We had rabbits running around the yard and birds chirping and it felt like beautiful spring – even if we are on the cusp of summer. I’ve been seeing herons and eagles flying home in the evening.

Glenn and I with stream and roses blooming

A Day at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance

I spent almost a whole day going to my hematologist down at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. My doctor there I have known for fifteen years. The last time we talked it was when we thought I might be dying of liver cancer, and we talked about safe biopsies and chemo and surgery obstacles. This time I brought her my newest book and we discussed my mild anemia (she’s worried about it, but I’m not) and MS drug risks and pain drugs and pain clinic consultations. I sat in the reclining chairs watching the beautiful Puget sound blue by all the people getting chemo and waiting to get chemo. I wound through the blood lab around patients much worse off than me. It gives you perspective, these kinds of visits. The doctor, which was very unusual, gave me a hug at the end of the appointment. It felt like a blessing, a sort of hopeful encouragement. I walked out into the rainy early evening, feeling the ghost of my previous experiences, of the fear of death, and the gratefulness of feeling alive. (Also, PS: If you have anemia, having your blood drawn does not make you feel less tired. Sigh.)

Anyway, I’m looking forward to having some friends over for a visit next weekend and hopefully on the upswing from the latest bout of MS-related pain, and a few less doctor appointments if I can help it! I am hoping to remind myself that I can’t take being alive for granted, even when it is a struggle, and not to forget to live, whether that’s going out and taking advantage of a beautiful day, or watching a bird, or planting new flowers, or reading new poetry that might inspire or going to a concert or a gallery showing. I may not be able to do everything I want every day, but the days I can, I want to live as fully as possible. Wishing you a happy (and vibrant) mid-June!

 

 

A Poem up at Verse Daily, and Unexpected Wildflowers

 

Hot pink lupines, my garden

  A New Poem Up at Verse Daily!

I’ve been feeling a little discouraged with the poetry world lately, so it was so nice today to get an acceptance in the morning – and find out in the evening I had a poem up on Verse Daily today! It’s “Fairy Tale Redacted,” from the literary magazine Redactions.

Here’s a sneak peek:

Verse Daily, Fairy Tale Redacted

Wildflowers in Woodinville

I felt well enough today to take a longer stroll, and saw a lot of baby rabbits hiding around blackberry hedges, and found this beautiful wildflower field at a local farm. Some days the world is full of hidden beauty. I was inspired to get some sunflowers to plant in my own back yard.  I wish you some good news, sunshine, and unexpected wildflowers this week.

New Poem Up at Gingerbread House, A Reading List for Chernobyl fans, and a Little Nature-Loving Photography

 

Swallowtail on Pink Lilacs

New Poem “The Year I Became a Witch” up at Gingerbread House!

Thank you to Gingerbread House literary magazine for publishing my new poem “The Year I Became a Witch” – complete with wonderful art work – in their new issue! This is from a series of poems my new newest book manuscripts, having to do with nature of women and witches. Check out the whole issue, which is magical. I am in very good company. Here’s a sneak preview but go check out the real thing at the link:

A Reading List for Chernobyl Fans

So, if you’re not already hooked on the fantastic HBO series Chernobyl, it is gripping, well-written, well-produced, and not only all that, a real-life horror story that happened when I was 11. I have always been interested in the disaster, because of my life-long interest in nuclear contamination and disaster (growing up in one of America’s Secret Cities will do that to you.) But if you are looking for good poetry reading to accompany your binge-watch, let me recommend a couple of books. One is Lee Ann Roripaugh’s terrific new book from Milkweed Press, Tsunami vs the Fukushima 50, another is Kathleen Flenniken’s Plume (about her childhood and work as an engineer in Hanford, and the Green Run), and the third is my own The Robot Scientist’s Daughter, about growing up in Oak Ridge, and some of the repercussions of that.  Do you have some more poetry books about nuclear history, anxiety and disaster? Please leave your recommendations in the comments!

Anna’s Hummingbird

A Little Nature is Good for the Soul

I’ve finally had some relief from pain in the last week, enough to get out and about in my garden and some of the surrounding gardens in Woodinville, getting back to my usual routines, taking pictures and celebrating our beautiful late spring.

There have been some local tragedies in the news that were bothering me – a shooting of a woman and several children on a public Seattle beach on Memorial Day, and then the bizarre incident where the Bainbridge Ferry – one I have ridden many times – hit a juvenile humpback whale. A tornado caused a ton of destruction in Dayton, Ohio, near my family in Cincinnati. There’s been disturbing national news, politically, of course, as well. One thing that I try to remember and hold in myself when I get overwhelmed with the bad things, with the depressing or anxiety-provoking, is to spend time with the small things of nature. Like a hummingbird, a new flower, new goslings. I also finished up two book reviews I’d been working on for a while, which ends my reviewing for the summer. (I take time off in the summer, because the last couple of summers have involved a lot of hospital trips for me.) Reviewing two excellent books really makes me feel like I can shine some light in a positive direction in a poetry world that can feel unremittingly dark sometimes.  I’ll post the reviews when they go up.

I hope that you will feel some renewal this late spring, as we move towards the solstice, that you will feel some hope in the faces of flowers and the baby animals. Yesterday was World MS Awareness Day. I continue to struggle with my MS symptoms, especially because MS is a constantly moving target – a symptom I’ve never had before will wreck me for a while, and then I’ll just be left with plain old fatigue and clumsiness. But I try not to lose hope, in a cure, in better treatments, in a life ahead that’s filled with springs when I’m well enough to follow ducklings and butterflies.

 

New Poem in Redactions, Spending Some Time with Poets, and a Week of MS Pain Management

Sylvia poses with the new issue of Redactions

New Poem, “Fairy Tale Redacted” in Redactions!

I’m happy to announce my new poem, “Fairy Tale Redacted,” most fittingly appearing in the literary magazine Redactions’ new issue. Seems everyone’s been talking about redactions and how they affect the reading of things lately (cough, Mueller Report, cough), but I have been reading redacted documents since I was a little kid reading my dad’s research on nuclear safety. So I decided to give it a little spin with how fairy tales might look if they had a censor (which they often did!)

“Fairy Tale Redacted” in Redactions

Sarah Mangold and I celebrating!

Visiting with Poets Always Cheers Me Up

So happy after a rough week (more on that later) I was able to visit with wonderful local poet Sarah Mangold, to talk poetry and publishing and celebrate our birthdays (a bit late) with sparkling rose and cupcakes! Yay for Taurus Poets! There’s something so cheering about spending time with other writers, especially ones whose writing you admire, and not just talking shop but sharing stories about where we thought we’d be and where we think we should be. It was a great way to spend a rainy weekend day, especially because I finally felt up to smiling and talking again! Could not have had a better afternoon.

Smiling again

A Week Learning about MS Pain Management

So, I learned the hard way about managing pain with MS – specifically, I spent eight days almost unmoored by something called trigeminal neuralgia, which about 1/3 of MS people will experience, like the worst combo of TMJ/toothache/migraine. It kept me from smiling, talking, chewing food, or generally doing anything but curling up in bed for a week. During this time my neurologist tried a few different strategies – an anti-epilepsy drug that’s supposed to block nerve pain (that made me sick), an anti-migraine drug that helped me sleep but didn’t stop the pain, my first experiments with CBD oil (helped, but didn’t fix), and finally and most effective, the dreaded steroids, which calmed down not only the pain but the nausea, trembling, and fatigue that came with it. This was my first day smiling in eight days – I felt well enough to get my hair cut, visit with a friend, and take a stroll around the wineries. I know pulsing steroids is sometimes a necessary evil with MS, and I know they take a toll long-term, but I am so happy to be out of pain. I immediately wrote a poem and worked on my two in-process reviews with my renewed energy.

I also went out and I visited with this peahen (look at those neck feathers!) and a fantastic pink tree with a terrible name – the “Beauty Bush” in the “Pink cloud” varietal. It smelled wonderful and was indeed a pink cloud, even on a rainy day.

And while I was out of it in lots of pain, I did see a wonderful movie, Ladies in Black, about a young Australian girl who wants to be a poet and works at a department store set in what I think was the late forties. It had a really wonderful and timely message about the enrichment that immigrants bring to a country (I didn’t realize there had been so much anti-immigration feeling in Australia after WWII but apparently there was a lot – I also learned there was a war between Australia and New Guinea at some point? Americans learn literally nothing about Australia in any history class), and I might have been pretty out of it but I’d love to hear what you thought of it if you get to see it. I’m looking forward to seeing girl-friendly teen comedy “Booksmart” (I was a real nerd in high school who never went wild so it speaks to me) and “Late Night” with a killer combo of Emma Thompson and Mindy Kaling, soon. After my disappointment with Game of Thrones, I decided I wanted to give myself more female-empowering entertainment, written by women, with main characters who are women, with empowering storylines. Am I just kidding myself? Is there enough of this to actually go around?

Anyway, wishing all of you a wonderful and pain-free week ahead. And lots of poetry. And pink cloud flowers.

Getting Real About MS, Spring with Butterflies and Flowers Etc, and Writing Practices for Summer

First Swallowtail Sighting on Rhododendron

Getting Real About MS

It’s lovely springtime here but I’ve been stuck in bed with some terrible MS-related nerve pain called trigeminal neuralgia. I want to keep it real here, including the MS stuff, and I know I post a lot of happy pictures looking fine, but the last few days, I was decidedly not fine. It was the first time in a while I had to pick up five different nerve-pain prescriptions in the hopes that one of them would work. I couldn’t write, I couldn’t read. I had TCM on constantly (along with Netflix comedies – Wine Country and Unicorn Store – the first is inspo for X-ers turning 50 and the second for millennials seeking their inner unicorn.) I couldn’t chew food because of the pain so I had an impromptu involuntary juice fast. While I was stuck in bed I did manage some pictures of the first Tiger Swallowtail of the season, a towhee on my flower box, a hummingbird on the neighbor’s lilac. But it was no fun. I missed a couple of friends’ literary events I’d wanted to go to. That’s kind of how my life is now – I’ll be fine, or have minor symptoms, and then WHAM! I’m out of commission. Hard to plan around, hard to manage. I’m getting another MRI next week to make sure there hasn’t been more brain damage or spine damage. Think good thoughts for me.

Spring with Flowers, Birds, Etc.

Well, of course, it wouldn’t be a real post from me without a few pictures of birds and flowers. I continued getting rejections this week, along with the MS stuff (and this week also featured a trip to the dentist and my regular doc for a sinus infection, so all around fun times) but we did manage to sneak in one afternoon at the Seattle Japanese Gardens where all the flowers seemed to be blooming at once – azaleas, rhodies, wisteria, even lily of the valley. I was feeling a little depressed this week even before the horrible MS pain thing acted up, feeling like, “Oh, I’ve got a degenerative brain disease that has no cure, and oh, no one wants to publish me, and our country hates women (as do the Game of Thrones writers, but that’s another story) and…” Well, that was enough to make me feel pretty bad. There are no magic words that take away those feelings, but putting myself around nature always helps. That’s probably why I spend so much time photographing all those birds and flowers when I’m able to. Even from bed, I can take pictures of the flowers and birds on my back deck. Being able to recognize beauty in the midst of a bad week still matters. And baby animals. I have faith there are better days ahead. Which leads me to…my summer writing plans!

Writing Plans for the Summer

It’s the middle of spring, but I’m already thinking of my writing and reading plans for the summer. Summer can be a tough time to stay focused, a tough time to submit (as many lit magazines aren’t open for submissions during the summer), and it can be hard to get together with writer friends if you’re not on the residency/writing conference circuit. The days get longer and sitting inside with a good book can be less appealing, the heat can cause health problems (MS gets worse in sun and heat, so good thing I don’t still live in San Diego I guess!). and it just takes more discipline.

What do you do to keep on track during the summer? I find my writing slows down a bit, and I definitely submit less. I’m thinking it’s a good time to try new modes of writing, a little dab of essay, or fiction, or memoir, or just new forms of poetry. Maybe I’ll work on my two book manuscripts or even start a third! I’ll have more indoors time (ironically, for me it’s the season where I have to avoid midday sun or stay indoors on especially hot days) so maybe I’ll start some inspiring new books (still reading memoirs and letters by female writers, but maybe pick up some “for fun” fiction. I’ll try to set up a few friend dates and maybe even try a few day trips to Bainbridge, Port Townsend, and other places we don’t get to visit as often as we’d like in the rainy season. This morning it’s cool and the birds are singing outside. I’m feeling almost back to normal and ready to respond to e-mails, maybe write some poetry and send out some work.

Tell me your plans for the summer! What are your goals and tricks to keep on your writer path?

Jeannine Hall Gailey

Jeannine Hall GaileyJeannine Hall Gailey served as the second Poet Laureate of Redmond, Washington and the author of Becoming the Villainess, She Returns to the Floating World, Unexplained Fevers, The Robot Scientist’s Daughter, and winner of the Moon City Press Book Prize and SFPA’s Elgin Award, Field Guide to the End of the World.  Her latest, Flare, Corona from BOA Editions, was a finalist for the Washington State Book Award. She’s also the author of PR for Poets, a Guidebook to Publicity and Marketing. Her work has been featured on NPR’s The Writer’s Almanac, Verse Daily and The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror. Her poems have appeared in The American Poetry Review, Poetry, and JAMA.

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