Taking the Fall, A Few Thoughts on that Utne Poetry Essay, and Poetry Reviews, Sales, and Empowerment

 

Orange Sunflower

Taking the Fall

Welcome to August, everyone! A beautiful time for flowers (dahlias! sunflowers! last roses!) but not a great time for me. MS symptoms like to act up in the heat, and I’ve spent time in the hospital the last two years in August. This last week we’ve had temps up to ninety degree, and on one of the hotter days, getting in and out of the car on the way home from physical therapy, I lost my bearings and fell hard into the sharp edge of the car door, which banged up my arm pretty good from shoulder to hand. Glenn and my physical therapist both also mentioned that I’ve been shaking uncontrollably in the hands, feet, and face. Not good.

New Hair and Hot Girls Pearls

But I try to learn lessons. For instance, a low-slung sedan with limited trunk/back seat space is probably not a great car for someone with balance problems, vertigo, and a wheelchair. So Glenn and I will be trading in our old sedan (2010! How is my car nine years old already?) for a car more appropriate for someone like me. Sigh. It hurts to acknowledge the changes in your life you make to accommodate disability. I’m “too young” for a wheelchair (does that even mean anything?) but still, with MS sometimes I need one and I need a car that can fit, say, a cooler and luggage and a wheelchair if I want to make any car trips. I don’t like having to stay inside on hot days, or days with wildfire smoke (currently from wildfires in Siberia – 7 million acres of forest on fire – and Alaska and Canada  – 100,000 acres on fire.) I don’t like basically having to go into hibernation in August. On the plus side, I did find these cool “Hot Girls Pearls” (in picture) that keep you cool for thirty minutes while you’re out and about, which allowed me out long enough to do errands (or get my hair done.)

In the name of praising the beauties of summer in the Northwest (despite my increased MS symptoms,) here are a few more pictures of flowers around Woodinville:

A Few Thoughts on that Bob Hicok Poetry Essay in the Utne Review

So, I posted a couple of observations on that Utne reader Bob Hicok essay on Facebook (if you are interested, you can read the threads here) and thought I might develop further here. This is not just to pile on to Bob’s racist/sexist/privilege issues but to discuss other issues his essay brings up. I think he’s missing a few larger issues in publishing, book sales, and mindset.

  • Bob has won two (!!) NEA fellowships and a Guggenheim, as well as a pretty cushy teaching gig, and has published ten books. I just, sorry, don’t feel like weeping for him because I (and most of my friends) have never had any of those things. Never been in Poetry or the New Yorker either. So, you know, he needs to check his privilege before he gets whine-y. Lots of poets have never been the flavor of the month, but Bob has had a lot of time in the sun. So it was an insensitive essay in more than one way.
  • My friend Kelli is always talking about “scarcity mentality” in poetry – the feeling that because someone else gets something, you get less. She points out that it is not true, even if it feels true, and not only that, it’s destructive. I wrote a little last week about poets cheering on other poets and how important that is. It definitely makes being the poetry world more rewarding. Helping others – by mentoring or reviewing or publishing – will increase your happiness, I guarantee. Everyone feels hurt when their book doesn’t sell or get reviewed or their book or grant gets rejected – but that hurt can be mitigated.
  • What Bob is lamenting – that his books sell less, that he gets fewer reviews – has nothing to do with poets of color, LGBTQ writers, or women getting more air time. It has to do with the landscape of publishing. The print book market is very fragmented, and I’d bet that most poets are selling fewer books and getting fewer reviews because there are so many books out there now. Gen Z have their own book buying tastes and habits – very different than his generation. Instagram poets, for instance. It’s not bad, just different, than it used to be. I’m sure, say, Billy Collins is still doing fine. Book publishing in general is changing. Book reviewing is in flux, too.
  • Also, it seems strange to talk about how all these troublesome non-white-male poets are taking up space when most of the prestige poetry presses and journals ARE STILL RUN BY WHITE MEN. I was trying to name the poetry presses run by women and people of color – can you help me? Are they the ones most poets want to be published by with, or get good distribution? (People have mentioned: University of Akron Press, Mayapple Press, Alice James Books, Sundress, Two Sylvias Press. as presses led by women..I’d love to hear more (especially presses run by people of color?)
  • Most tenure track teaching jobs are still given to men. In academia in general, women have much less chance of being offered tenure, and I’m sure poets of color and poets with disabilities could talk more about their experience with this. You’ve already lucked out if you’re an older poet with a tenured teaching job.
  • I don’t know about other reviewers, but there’s a reason I like to shine a spotlight when I do reviews of poets of color, women, LGBTQ poets, and poets with disabilities. In general, these poets are more vulnerable to prejudice, so I think it’s more important that their voices are heard above the crowd.
  • What am I missing? Anything else to add to the discussion?

More About Poetry Reviews, Poetry Sales, and Empowerment

So, I have been told by more than one person at a major poetry publisher that poetry reviews, Twitter followers, and such don’t always translate into poetry sales. So Bob feeling neglected may have nothing to do with his lack of book sales. I personally choose to review books that resonate with me – and because I have always felt like a little bit of an outsider, that often means books by women, poets with disabilities, LGBTQ people, and poets of color resonate more with me.

If you review books of poetry – and most poets don’t, but I consider it one of the things I can do for the poetry community – you probably want to amplify work you think is great and people that you think are great. Sometimes those things blend into each other. For instance, I probably won’t review a poet that has a reputation for being a jerk, because there’s enough of that in the poetry world, isn’t there? And there are so many kind, generous, not-terrible-human poets out there who just aren’t getting any attention. At all. They’re not winning grants of fellowships. Maybe they’re a little older, or live outside New York City, or write outside the mainstream in some way. But they’re writing interesting, accomplished work. I want to shine a light on them.

Of course, to avoid hypocrisy, I want to say I do care about winning grants, or getting into certain journals or getting books published – of course I do! Most poets don’t write so that their work can sit in obscurity. But PR for Poets was written to help poets channel their frustrations about their books not getting enough attention, or selling enough copies, into something positive – some kind of action. I wanted poets to feel empowered in a process – and a world – that can often seem disorientating and powerless to the participants. It’s best to focus on things you can control – whether we’re talking about MS symptoms or the poetry world – than things you can’t.

What do you do to feel empowered rather than peeved by the poetry world? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

Summertime Blues, Poems for Replicants, Game of Thrones Poetry and Other Mysteries in the new Pine Hill Review, and Poets Cheering for Other Poets

 

Mt Rainier over wildflowers

Summertime Blues?

Is this a thing for you? The heat wave that slammed most of America finally hit us here in Seattle. We’ve had days in the high eighties and even low nineties in the last week, which means I’ve wilted and napped and generally felt out of it. I’ve been the opposite of productive. Even my sunflowers were wilting! I snapped this on a day Mt. Rainier was out (some days it was too hazy to appear) and the wildflowers looked so bright and beautiful. In Seattle, we don’t have that many sunny days, so you do feel guilty for “missing out” or cancelling plans (I had to cancel almost everything this week, but most of my things were medical tests, so really, I’m not really missing it!) You feel guilty for not windsurfing or paddleboarding or hiking a mountain. I didn’t take on any editing gigs and couldn’t do even menial mental tasks. I think summertime for some people comes with an opposite sort of seasonal effective disorder. You may not know this about me unless you see the secret codes in my poetry, but I am truly allergic to the sun – hives, fever, the whole bit. (Hence my extraordinary amount of pallor! I call my foundation shade “Corpsey.”) And MS symptoms are worsened by heat. I have to make peace with some amount of down time in the summer as a type A person with these problems. What about you? Do you embrace the summer heat or does it slow you down? Personally, I am counting down the days til September!

Daenerys with dragons

Game of Thrones Poetry and More Mysteries in the New Issue of Pine Hills Review

I am very happy to have three poems in the new issue of Pine Hills Review, which the editors included some cool associated art work. I have written a series of poems about Daenerys (often associated with Joan of Arc mythology) and this includes one of them, as well as a poem tribute to a SyFy original murder comedy movie. So, see? Aren’t you curious? The whole issue is really fun to read, and a little offbeat, which I have to say is welcome in the poetry world Here’s a sneak peek at my Daenerys/Joan of Arc/with a little bit of me poem:

From Pine Hills Review

Origami Unicorn, Blade Runner

Poems for Replicants

This week saw the death of another icon of my childhood, Rutger Hauer, who played the main villain (a sympathetic replicant/robot) in Blade Runner, the villain in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie, the love interest in Ladyhawke, among other roles. The SFPA had put out a call for haiku on replicants in June, and I happened to find out I received the SFPA President’s Pick Award for my little scifiku. I have a little origami unicorn pin to remind me of the genius of the original Blade Runner and its source material, Philip K. Dick’s Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? So I thought it would be a good time to post my little piece:

Replicant Haiku

Poetry reading with friends

Poets Cheering for Other Poets

I was talking to a couple of poet friends lately about women poets, in particular, supporting other poets. I think I have a bunch of very supportive poet friends. I was talking to a friend about reading the complete letters and journals of Sylvia Plath and Virginia Woolf this year. (Um, one of my friends suggesting my reading material and the blues might possibly be related? Could be!) But I did learn something from both women – both truly talented and accomplished writers who did take their own lives – about some secrets of success. Virginia Woolf – who struggled with both physical and mental health issues her whole life – was most productive around my age – her late forties. That’s encouraging in a society that often focuses on “thirty under thirty.” I mean, she was struggling, but she wrote like a fiend, some of her best work.

Part of Virginia Woolf’s success certainly came from a strong circle of artistic friends – she was famous for it – and I was talking to a poet friend today about the importance of having other writers to bounce our good news, bad news, new writing, or just general life things off of. We need someone who understands the particular despair of a bad review or a long cycle of rejection, or the elation of a good review or a particularly exciting acceptance. I was also buoyed by her marriage, strangely enough – though she was famous for writing her husband a rejection letter so cold – admitting her lack of physical attraction to him – but it seems that the marriage was one that worked, despite affairs (mostly on her part) – that she and her husband absolutely loved each other throughout thick and thin, sort of an antidote for the more bleak tale of Sylvia and Ted Hughes’ terrible marriage. And by the way, if Virginia Woolf left you cold in college, I suggest re-reading as an older reader, particularly in tandem with her journals and letters. I found them so much more enriching this time around, and think I understood not only her methods of writing but why she chose to write about the characters she did.

Poetry reading at Open Books, 2011

Anyway, I think that the old “writer is an island” myth is just that – a myth. Writers thrive with the support and help of other writers, and the support and help of spouses and family members and friends. I hope I help other writers and support their work with friendship, or reviews, or maybe even just liking an Instagram post. All of us – every one of us – will need encouragement and support at some point in their life. So if we can build a circle of artists, and musicians, and yes, other writers that we trust and that we support, it might not only enrich your life but your art.  No matter how famous (or not) a writer gets, they could all use one more positive word, slap on the back, a little support. Let’s build a kinder artistic world when we can.

New Poem “How Not to Die” in Eye to the Telescope, a New Review of The Tradition in Barrelhouse, a Poetry Reading and Birds, Butterflies, and Birthdays

 

Painted Lady on mint flower

Summertime Birds, Butterflies, and Birthdays

This week has been busier than we originally planned! It was Glenn’s birthday so we went out to listen to live music and stroll around the gardens at Willows Lodge. We’ve had two visits by a bobcat to our back porch this week, as well as new blooming “cherry rose” sunflowers, always elusive-to-the-camera goldfinches, and an infrequent visitor, the Painted Lady butterfly. I’ve also had a poem and a book review published AND went to a poetry reading by one of my favorite poets!

New Poem in Eye to the Telescope

I was pleased to have a poem in the new issue of Eye to the Telescope. This theme was “infection” and I share the issue with my friend Karen Weyant. My poem is “How Not to Die,” a subject I happen to know a little about. Here’s a link – you have to scroll down to read all the poems, but here’s a sneak preview:

“How Not to Die,” from Eye to the Telescope’s Infection Issue

A New Review in Barrelhouse of Jericho Brown’s The Tradition

I also have a new review of Jericho Brown’s excellent new book, The Tradition, in Barrelhouse. So happy it found a home there! Here’s the first sentence: “Jericho Brown’s third book, The Tradition, is his most powerful, and his most technically accomplished, yet. Brown attempts to interrogate mythology, the news cycle, police shootings, racism, and the vulnerability of his body in this stunning collection.”

Dana Levin and I

A Poetry Reading at Hugo House with Dana Levin and Natalie Scenters-Zapico

I was so excited to be able to attend a poetry reading at the new Hugo House where Dana Levin (one of my long-time favorite poets) and one of her friends/former students, Natalie Scenters-Zapico (who recently moved to the area.) I’m still not used to the starkness of the new Hugo House – hang some art, people! It would really improve the space – and the absence of places to sit and socialize (the old Hugo House had little tables clustered around the bar, which the new one lacks) and the lighting is still not very flattering. But I loved seeing these two poets read. Natalie read from her new book, Lima :: Limón, and Dana read some apocalyptic poems from Banana Palace as well as some new work. Overall an inspiring night of poetry!

One of the results of all this celebration is I am much more tired than usual and needing to sleep in more than usual. The combo of MS and anemia (yes, I’m taking iron and b12 supplements religiously) can really take the wind out of your sails. But the summer has been mild here – even, some might say, gloomy! It’s raining right now. But I like having a break from soaring temps and high sun. I can walk around my garden (and the surrounding gardens Woodinville has) without worrying about feeling beaten up afterward. I saw a family of deer with two fans and a plethora of rabbits on my street. And did I mention I’ve had two bobcat visits to my back porch (caught by my Ring) this week? So, even though I’ve felt a little discouraged poetry-wise (I even took a week or two off from submitting, I felt so bombarded with rejections) I feel that nature has been extra kind to me this July. Sometimes it’s okay to take a break and just read and write and recharge your batteries – and the rain gives us the perfect excuse to spend a little extra time at the library or bookstore. Wishing you a little time to recharge and some good news in your Inbox (and maybe a bobcat visit!)

 

A 25th Anniversary with Waterfalls and Mountains and How MS Can Limit Your Hiking (But Not Your Love of Nature)

Glenn and I at Snofalls Lavender Farm

25th Anniversary with Mountains and Waterfalls

This year for our Silver Wedding Anniversary (!!) we decided to spend it in one of my favorite places, Snoqualmie Falls and Ollalie State Park. We drove up, stopped by the Snofalls Lavender Farm on the way up, spent the night at Salish Lodge so we could hike to the big falls, stop at some Twin Peaks spots, go up to another State Park and waterfall and come back and watch the sunset AND moonset over the Snoqualmie Falls. It was beautiful, and it was raining immediately before and after our stay, so we felt really lucky.

How MS Can Limit Your Hiking (But Not Your Love of Nature)

One of my “secret” beautiful spots in Washington State – because any Twin Peaks fan knows about Snoqualmie Falls – is the Weeks Falls at Ollalie State Park, just a few miles up the road. It has a beautiful forest trail with gigantic trees along the Snoqualmie River. Almost no one is ever there when we visit, so you feel like you’re totally alone – sure, it can feel a bit like “I could be murdered in the woods or eaten by a bear and no one would find the body for a while” but there’s also something wonderful about being alone in nature.

Vertical picture of gigantic evergreen tree at Ollalie State Park

Now, the last time I was there I hadn’t yet started to have my major MS symptoms, and I remember it being a fairly easy stroll from the parking lot to the hiking trail and then to the waterfall. This time, I definitely needed a cane – and then, my “off-road” wheelchair to make it to all my favorite spots. It occurred to me how accessible Snoqualmie Falls is – there are lots of stairs, but also lots of ramps – compared to most of the beautiful mountain spots in Washington. Being around trees and waterfalls helps my soul feel happy – and I wanted to share that it took some additional modifications (ahem, off-roading wheels added by my husband to my wheelchair) and a little more work – but I could still literally hug a tree and watch the river jumping with fish while the spray of the waterfall hit me.

I think it’s easy, when you have MS, to not go out in nature as often because it takes some advance planning and some help. But for me it’s worth the effort. Being in the woods brings me more clarity. I like taking time off from technology for a bit and thinking about life and milestones around a roaring river and old trees. It’s a great place for deep thoughts. There’s no way you can’t feel happier around trees and waterfalls. It’s a fact. It’s the kind of place where you start bursting into song like a freaking Disney princess.

Field of Lavender

So, all in all, an inspiring and romantic escape in between the rain that’s been surprising newcomers to Seattle (in the old days, July was always a little dreary.) I was happy I could still get into the forest and fields of flowers and the various waterfalls and celebrate 25 years of marriage in a fantastic setting. The night we stayed over, the moon glowed a pinkish orange, and it set at about 1 in the morning, and we watched it go down, and the stars were so bright. Pretty magical.  I’m lucky to be married to someone I’m still happy to be around after 25 years, in a place that’s filled with some of the best scenery in the world. So I’ve had some health issues recently, and I’ve felt a little discouraged about PoetryWorld, but I can’t deny feeling a little sunnier and a little more hopeful. I’ll have to rest for a day after all this activity, but it will have been worth it, and I feel I’m leaving the forest with more perspective.

New poems in Summer 2019’s Spoon River Poetry Review, Butterflies, Kittens, July 4 and 25th Anniversaries

Sylvia with the Summer 2019 issue of Spoon River Poetry Review

Four New Poems in the Summer 2019 Issue of Spoon River Poetry Review

I am very excited to share that I have four poems from my newest manuscript in the Summer 2019 issue of Spoon River Poetry Review. Here’s Sylvia posing with her copy and a peek at one of the poems, “My Life Is an Accident.” The sunlight turned it blue!

 

From Spoon River Poetry Review

Swallowtail on verbena

Kittens, Swallowtail Butterflies, July 4, and 25th Anniversaries

Hey, you guys feeling the Fourth of July this year? Yeah, me neither. Instead of grinding our teeth over 45 spending millions on tanks (and taking it away from our parks) in our capital, let’s take a moment to enjoy the wonders of summer all around us. Swallowtail butterflies! Kittens napping next to roses cut from garden!

Sylvia asleep with roses from the garden

And if you want to do something positive on July 4, consider donating to RAICES, which helps unaccompanied children and detained immigrants seeking asylum in the United States. And plant a tree and some milkweed. Feed your hummingbirds. Say hi to a neighbor. Little things that can make our country better.

Glenn and I have something to celebrate next week as well – our 25th (!!) Anniversary. We’re not doing anything that big, but it’s important to celebrate the positive things in our lives as much as mourn the bad stuff. I try not to let MS keep me from everything fun in the world (although sometimes it feels that way.) We’ll try to get out and listen to some music and have cocktails, maybe head out for a day trip to one of the lovely areas around here and get out into nature and bring a picnic. Like real people. Like we did when we were first dating.

Glenn and I after our wedding

So, we have to remember to celebrate the beauty, the kindness, the love, and the poetry in our lives. Here’s a little picture of Glenn and I twenty five years ago. They threw rose petals instead of rice. I’ve been growing roses every since.

And here’s a little Fourth of July song to cheer you up by Aimee Mann: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOYI85anqmQ

 

Summertime of Art Galleries, Hummingbirds, Haircuts: Self-Care During Hard Times

Glenn and I with roses and lavender

Self-Care During Hard Times: Summer Edition

You’re going to see a lot of picture of smiles, hummingbirds, art, and flowers in this post, but it’s really a post this week about coping mechanisms and the realities of self-care for writers and/or people with chronic illnesses that get worse in the summer.

I think this summer has been  hard on people. The news has been pretty bleak. I’ve heard from friends going through unexpected tough times, and I have been struggling with about a month of trigeminal nerve pain, as well as regular MS symptoms that generally get worse during summer. I’m also shopping two books around, which means I’ve been getting rejections for not just my regular poetry submissions, but books as well. (PS: I am so ready to have a publisher and get going on my next book – I think it gives me energy!) There’s record heat around the world, and right now, wildfires near where several of my friends in Alaska live. So that’s where my own survival skills, self-care skills if you will, come in. Here are a few of my key coping mechanisms.

Glenn and I with white rose bower

Spending Time in Nature

One reason we chose the neighborhood we did a few years back is because I wanted to be around trees and flowers, in a relatively rural area, and I wanted to be able to have a garden. Woodinville is famous for being Seattle’s wine country, but the area also has bustling fruit and flower stands, farms, and parks. I can’t walk far with my cane, but I think it’s mentally helpful for me to get out and about in nature. I like to pick fruit (thanks blueberry shrubs and strawberry plants) and cut flowers to put around the house. I like to seek out the very best corners for old-fashioned rose bowers, water features, and casual lounging around some spectacular (expensively kept up) garden for inspiration. I might not have a fancy old-school garden yet, but I always get ideas from the landscapes around me.

Practicing a Hobby You’re Not Great At – Yet

Hummingbird hovering over viburnum

There’s something relaxing about practicing a hobby you’re not competitive with, you’re not expected to be an expert at, but that still feels like a creative outlet. I have started the practice of a little amateur photography. My favorite subject? Hummingbirds! You may have noticed that I study and watch hummingbirds a lot because they show up quite a bit on the blog.

This week I didn’t feel that I looked my best (and definitely wasn’t feeling 100 percent,) but I got out my portrait lens of my “fancy” camera (non-cell-phone) and tried my hand at a little portrait photography. People are much harder to capture than hummingbirds. The lighting, the angles, and composition are much trickier for human beings, I think. But I’m practicing because someday I’d like to be someone that could potentially take author photos for my writer friends. Here are a few of the results of this week’s practice:

I love the shot of Glenn with the lilies. I think it’s my favorite. He’s a great model!

New hair cut and color

Art Galleries, Inspiration, and Sometimes You Need to Get Your Hair Cut

Sometimes sick/disabled people put things off – like getting their hair done, or going out to an art gallery – in favor of more rest when they’re not feeling great. But sometimes making the effort to leave the house is worth it for something as trivial as a hair cut or as ambitious as getting out to a concert, the bookstore, or an art gallery. I felt a genuine lift over losing two inches of hair! And I always feel more inspired after spending time in art galleries.

Me with “The Sodden Hearts”

I took advantage of the nice weather and lack of traffic to go check out Roq La Rue’s “Visions of Grace” show, by three local artists, Laurie Lee Brom, Syd Bee, and Kari-Lise Alexander, running through July 7. It was wonderful. Also there was a lot of cheerful rainbow flag waving along the streets in Capital Hill! I love our city sometimes.
Here are a few pieces I thought were pretty interesting. “The Sodden Hearts” by Syd Bee (very Seattle appropriate, I thought) and Kari Lee Alexander’s “The Dreams We Consume in the Depths of Our Hearts.” And an artist was in the process of covering one wall with a very cool hummingbird mural.  Worth checking out!

I always seem to write more poetry after I spend time with visual art. I’ve also got a new stack of library books – for fun, not for review – and I’ve been editing my newish book manuscript, which has called for trying to write some new poems. I’m waiting to see the new issue of Spoon River Poetry Review (which has a few of my poems in it) in the mail and for two book reviews to go up. While I’m experiencing down time, I’m also trying not to shut myself off from the world entirely. I may not be able to do as much as I want, but I still want to do the things I can do to keep my spirits and inspiration going.

Solstices and Strawberry Moons, How to Tell It’s Summer in Seattle, and Thinking About Summer Downtime

Hummingbird with fuchsia flower

Solstices and Strawberry Moons

I hope you all had a wonderful solstice! We had a beautiful full Strawberry Moon right before. It’s been grey and gloomy ever since – in fact, as I’m writing this, I’m watching cold rain fall outside my window.

That doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate summer in our own way – yesterday I even went out and deadheaded roses and cut back my out-of-control mint and lemon balm. I went out and explored the Woodinville area’s gardens, too. And of course I’ve kept up my birdwatching. This week, I got a shot of a pileated woodpecker in flight. The hummingbirds have been busy too.

Rainier Cherries from a roadside stand

How to Tell It’s Summer in Seattle

We stopped by a roadside cherry stand yesterday and picked up a pint of Rainier cherries for $4. That is how you can tell it’s summer in Seattle! It may be 60 degrees and rainy, but those Rainier cherries are a beautiful seasonal harbinger. And they are so delicious.  I missed them so much the two years I lived in California. California may be the state of fresh produce, but they just don’t offer anything like Washington State Rainier cherries. We cook them and serve them over Greek yogurt for breakfast or put them into muffins or just eat them plain and unadorned. There are almost never enough to make into a cherry pie, believe it or not. These cherries disappear fast!

What to Do with Summer Downtime

For me so far, I’ve had to deal with some physical MS stuff that has led to some enforced downtime, including sleeping much more than usual and just not having the mental or physical energy I’m used to. I even had an appointment at a pain management clinic (at the encouragement of my primary care doc and neurologist) where I talked to an anesthesiologist about different options for me for nerve pain (I’ve had a couple of weeks of trigeminal nerve pain.) It was actually fascinating and the doctor answered all of my questions and it was nice to know that if I get “10” level pain again I have options. (I’m allergic to all the opioids and can’t take NSAIDs or aspirin, am allergic to novocaine, and have woken up from anesthetics during every surgery I’ve had.) By the way, I had red hair until I was about seven, and she told me redheads are a little more difficult to treat for pain. That’s not a myth! 23 And Me’s traits indicate my hair is red or blonde and my eyes are blue, even though I’m actually a brunette with gray eyes. Phenotypes vs Genotypes! Tricky! Anyway, if you are dealing with acute or chronic pain, it might be worth a trip to your local pain clinic just to check out the options. There are more than there used to be.

Sylvia with Stacks of unread magazines

So, I’ve had some extra time and not a lot of extra energy. I’ve written a few poems but haven’t sent out much. I’m researching presses again before I send out either of my books and have a huge stack of books to read. Here’s a picture of Sylvia that illustrates just how I feel – I’m overwhelmed by my to-read pile!

Summer has never been my healthiest period – it’s when I usually catch the flu or pneumonia, when I’ve been hospitalized for MS, caught various bugs, and broken bones. I’m not sure why, but summer and I just do not get along. It’s also almost my 25th (!!) anniversary and I’m hoping I’ll be healthy enough to celebrate!

I can feel frustrated with myself and my physicality or just embrace the concept of downtime itself and allow myself to rest and recover. I’m trying to keep the television off and audiobooks and creativity guides around. I spend time sketching (which I’m terrible at) or dreaming over gardening magazines, listening to music, and sleeping.

I believe as creative writers – or even just as humans – we need a little downtime. We are not productivity machines. There are rises and falls, times when I write several poems a day and weeks when I don’t write anything. We don’t need to submit poetry every single day (and besides, you probably know fewer journal read during the summer – although there are exceptions.) They say children need to spend time being bored in order to grow problem-solving skills, imagination and creativity. Maybe adults are the same. We need to allow ourselves some unscheduled time, especially during the summer, when deadlines are less likely to be pressing, and people are on vacation anyway. Remind yourself you are valuable outside of what you produce. Maybe start up a hobby you’re not good at (see aforementioned sketching) and listen to music you’re unfamiliar with. Snip flowers from the garden and keep them in a small vase next to the bed while you nap (I particularly like roses, lavender and sweetpeas.)  I bet you will be feel better emotionally and physically, and creatively refreshed.

Almost Summer, Poet Friend Hang Out Time, and Sending Out (Even When You Feel Discouraged) and the Harm of Instant Star Narratives

Me with roses and lavender in Kirkland’s Carillon Point Marina

Almost Summer…

There are a few things that I’ve learned herald the beginning of summer here in the Seattle suburbs. The blooming roses and lavender, sunflowers and goldfinches, the arrival of Rainier cherries on roadside stands, and the first hot air balloons going up around our house. We have yet to see the first hot air balloon, but I saw my first goldfinch on my sunflowers! It really is a beautiful time of year here (as long as I don’t have to stay inside because of the record-breaking heat and scorching sun, which happened this week – 92 degree in June!) We even had a gardening class that explained how to make our garden more friendly for the hotter, drier summers we’ve started to get in the Northwest. (Hint: Plant species that are naturally draught-resistant.)

Kelli and I with fushcias and Shakespeare

Spending Time with Poets

We were lucky to spend some time with poet Kelli Russell Agodon and her family (including her daughter, who is taking creative writing classes in college – so exciting!) We talked about rejection (we both got some that were a little hard on us) and summer poetry projects, and how to use social media correctly (I still need a little coaching on this, especially Instagram.) Glenn made a fruit and cheese plate (with strawberries we grew ourselves) and chocolate-dipped madeleines, and we wandered around the garden (I’m particularly proud of my now-very-healthy lavender roses.)

Sending Out in the Summer, and the Harm of Instant-Star Narratives

One of the things we talked about was how to stay motivated to keep writing and sending out in the summertime, how to bounce back from rejections that feel personal, and the harm of “Instant Star” narratives. These are the profiles in magazines or podcasts from young writers where they say “I sent my poetry manuscript out once, and it was taken at a big press, and then I won a major fellowship and got a tenure-track teaching job and was sprinkled with rainbows and unicorns.” Well, the end might be a little bit of hyperbole. The reason I don’t like younger writers to read these kinds of interviews and profiles is because it’s not even close to the reality for most writers, and if they think it is, then they will start out feeling more discouraged than they should. One writer friend said she was taking a class from Nick Flynn and he said it took him ten years to get his first book published. It took me eighteen months to find a publisher for my first book, but six years to find a publisher for the second. Right now I’m researching presses for my sixth poetry book which I think is pretty close to being done and a seventh that’s in progress. I expect to spend some money on reading fees (they are getting higher every year, so I set aside any money I make from poetry to spend on them) and to get some rejections. I worry that I’m getting a little older and the editors are getting younger. I worry my poetry is not “hip” enough, and that the subject matter (like my poems about dealing with multiple sclerosis) might be too downbeat. But I think I know to expect some rejections along the way, and I try not to take rejections of the manuscript (or fellowship/grant applications) personally, although honestly, it’s difficult not to. Hey, I’m not made of stone. One of the reasons it’s important to talk with other poets is that it reminds us we are not the only ones who struggle with these things.

All of my poet friends – no matter how successful they seem to me – worry about a lot of the same things. Very few people are instant stars. A lot more people work really hard in obscurity, taking adjunct jobs and doing readings where few people show up and sending out their manuscripts as many times as they can afford. A lot of times rejections come in waves, but so do acceptances. And sometimes good luck happens in clusters. Anyway, for those of you looking towards summer, don’t forget to keep writing and keep sending out your work – these days publishers and literary magazines have deadlines year-round, especially the non-academic ones. And remember not to get beaten down by your rejections, and to help celebrate when you or your friends have a success, even if it seems small to you – I think our brains are hard-wired to focus more on the rejections than the acceptances, so we have to break out the sparkling wine and cake more often!

Poems Up at WordGathering, Woodinville Wine Country, and a Day at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance

Hummingbird with sunflowers

Poems up at Wordgathering and Thanks

First of all, thanks to everyone for their kind comments about my poem “Fairy Tale Redacted” up on Verse Daily! It’s part of my new book manuscript that if I have any luck will find its publisher soon!

And thanks to Wordgathering for putting up two of my previously published poems, “Shorting Out” about my first symptoms of multiple sclerosis, and “Cesium Burns Blue.” WordGathering specifically focuses on work by disabled writers and is run by very interesting people I got to meet at AWP this year, fortunately.

This is a hummingbird perched by our new plantings of sunflowers. I am hoping to attract some goldfinches. I even planted a “Cherry sunflower” that is supposedly pink! I guess we’ll see.

Glenn and I at the Alexandria Nicole Cellars winery, with roses (on National Rosé Day! With hair to match!)

Woodinville Wine Country in June

Speaking of pink…I spent a lot of time at doctor’s offices and in labs this last couple of weeks (and still not done – have a few more in the next few weeks) but I finally felt well enough today to go out a bit in the nice weather and explore Woodinville Wine Country on National Rosé Day! I even had hair to match.

The roses and lavender have just started blooming and we even went home after Glenn tried a wine tasting with a bottle of wine (for the next time we entertain friends!) We had rabbits running around the yard and birds chirping and it felt like beautiful spring – even if we are on the cusp of summer. I’ve been seeing herons and eagles flying home in the evening.

Glenn and I with stream and roses blooming

A Day at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance

I spent almost a whole day going to my hematologist down at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. My doctor there I have known for fifteen years. The last time we talked it was when we thought I might be dying of liver cancer, and we talked about safe biopsies and chemo and surgery obstacles. This time I brought her my newest book and we discussed my mild anemia (she’s worried about it, but I’m not) and MS drug risks and pain drugs and pain clinic consultations. I sat in the reclining chairs watching the beautiful Puget sound blue by all the people getting chemo and waiting to get chemo. I wound through the blood lab around patients much worse off than me. It gives you perspective, these kinds of visits. The doctor, which was very unusual, gave me a hug at the end of the appointment. It felt like a blessing, a sort of hopeful encouragement. I walked out into the rainy early evening, feeling the ghost of my previous experiences, of the fear of death, and the gratefulness of feeling alive. (Also, PS: If you have anemia, having your blood drawn does not make you feel less tired. Sigh.)

Anyway, I’m looking forward to having some friends over for a visit next weekend and hopefully on the upswing from the latest bout of MS-related pain, and a few less doctor appointments if I can help it! I am hoping to remind myself that I can’t take being alive for granted, even when it is a struggle, and not to forget to live, whether that’s going out and taking advantage of a beautiful day, or watching a bird, or planting new flowers, or reading new poetry that might inspire or going to a concert or a gallery showing. I may not be able to do everything I want every day, but the days I can, I want to live as fully as possible. Wishing you a happy (and vibrant) mid-June!

 

 

Jeannine Hall Gailey

Jeannine Hall GaileyJeannine Hall Gailey served as the second Poet Laureate of Redmond, Washington and the author of Becoming the Villainess, She Returns to the Floating World, Unexplained Fevers, The Robot Scientist’s Daughter, and winner of the Moon City Press Book Prize and SFPA’s Elgin Award, Field Guide to the End of the World.  Her latest, Flare, Corona from BOA Editions, was a finalist for the Washington State Book Award. She’s also the author of PR for Poets, a Guidebook to Publicity and Marketing. Her work has been featured on NPR’s The Writer’s Almanac, Verse Daily and The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror. Her poems have appeared in The American Poetry Review, Poetry, and JAMA.

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