Happy New Year! Trumpeter Swans, Revaluating at Midlife after a Tough Year, MRIs, and Ballets

In Kirkland, in rare December sunshine

Happy New Year! Trumpeter Swans, MRIs, and Ballets

Writing this right before New Year’s Eve, and right after going to the ballet The Snow Queen, danced by the Kyiv Ballet, whom my little brother had seen while he was working in Ukraine right before the war. I hadn’t been to the ballet in a long time, but I remember really enjoying ballet as a kid and also as a college student (when I could still get student tickets).  It was fun, the dancers and costumes, although I was missing the talking reindeer and Robber Queen’s daughter.

Our Christmas was pretty quiet, but also low stress. The only thing I was sad about was missing Christmas Eve service, because for some reason the church we usually attend held their service on Monday the 23rd?  Then I had an MRI this week—never my favorite thing to do but expedient as it’s pretty expensive and I’d have to pay a new deductible after January 1 rolls around, plus those things always find something to worry about.

Here are a few pictures from Christmas, with Glenn holding Charlotte and a few baubles on the tree.

Driving by our pumpkin/lavender farm this week, we saw some beautiful Trumpeter swans among Canadian geese. And here’s a scene from the Kyiv ballet “the Snow Queen.”

Glenn and I going to the ballet

Re-Evaluation at Midlife After a Tough Year

I have to admit that this was a tough year for me. Is it because of my age? Is this a peri-menopause thing? A mid-life crisis? The election nearly wrung all my positive energy out of me. My last book’s sales were respectable but not great (not as good as my previous book’s), and my rejection vs acceptance rate was mediocre at best. I worked hard but felt a bit like I was butting up against a wall in the literary world. I am lucky to have wonderful writer friends but I’m missing the spark that usually drives me to write. Not sure if it’s plain disappointment or disillusionment or what, exactly. The grungy weather is bothering me a little bit more than normal, and my MS flared up worse this fall than it has in a long time—not sure of the cause, which left me unable to do much besides listen to audiobooks and watch old movies on TCM.

So, what do you do? Well, two good, very healthy friends—one died suddenly, the other experiencing a “surprise” terminal illness—have taught me a hard lesson. Maybe we should be kinder to ourselves, appreciating the days that we do have, and maybe not being so judgy about what we are accomplishing and focusing more and how much we are enjoying what we have, and experiencing things like “joy” and “awe”—things we often don’t put a priority on in our culture of productivity everywhere, all the time. While I am being scanned for tumors and tested for cancer and autoimmune problems, when I am dealing with yet another crown or root canal—I have to remember to prioritize the good days and take advantage of them. I have maybe, in the last four years, lived a too-circumscribed life, too safe? Certainly, too much damn time in doctor’s and dentist’s offices. Have I not been allowing myself enough adventure? Maybe that should be my goal for 2025—to live a more adventurous, joyful life—to maybe take a few risks in the days I have, because tomorrow is never guaranteed.

Anyway, my friends, happy New Year to you. May it bring you good things.