Happy 20th, Buffy! And Making It Through March…

Today is the 20th anniversary of the first episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I didn’t catch a Buffy episode until the end of Season 2, and I was instantly hooked. That when I was (over)working as a Capital One Media Manager in my early twenties. So Buffy was entirely a thing of my adult life, not my teenage life, which was too bad. I mean, I did have Daria during high school (the original MTV version with original music – so much better than the edited/without music episodes you can see now) but it would have been nice to have a dose of kick-ass girl power in those days.

So here’s my poem, from Becoming the Villainess, that was meant to immortalize my version of Buffy, “The Slayer Asks for Time Off.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m thinking there’s a segue-way here about survival and weariness, what with Buffy and Joan of Arc and  what this year so far has felt all about. The worst winter in the Northwest in history? Check. The government’s extreme chaos? Check. Health stuff? Yep, I’ve been sick in one way or another almost every day since the year started. Today there was a brief window of grayish sunlight. I took a walk at a nearby winery where there was no hint of spring yet – the vines had no visible greenery, no flowers, the ducks (wood ducks, mergansers, buffleheads, Canadian geese, etc) were huddled together against the wind. As I was walking along a path, a whorl of wind picked up around me, raising leaves – that I previously hadn’t even seen on the ground – up into the air around me, along with a cacophonous murder of crows. It was like a magical moment when a teen witch discovers her powers, except it was just me, and the weird wind.

It’s a struggle, sometimes, to feel like the heroine of your own life. It feels like there is only more evil to confront, more tasks that seem insurmountable, more problems to figure. When the weather and the news and your body conspire against you to make you miserable, we are required to look beyond the moment, beyond the cold wind and the crowds, to a future where flowers and abundance and health and happiness seem possible again. Most of us are required, sometimes, to fight battles that no one else will ever understand or know about. We feel alone. We feel helpless or overwhelmed. When it feels like we have nothing, we still have ourselves, the mysterious power of hope and even sometimes love. Our resources are larger than our enemies imagine. We must become our own magic.

Poetry Taxes, Thundersnowstorms, Out in the World, and a new review for Field Guide to the End of the World,

First of all, thanks to The Nervous Poodle’s Noor Hindi for posting this new review of Field Guide to the End of the World. It’s very thoughtful and well-written, which I always appreciate as a fellow reviewer! I just received a review copy of Marie Howe’s Magdalene, and I’m trying to figure out how to write a good enough review that honors Howe’s work. I also appreciate the new Amazon review for Field Guide to the End of the World – in case you don’t know this, writers, especially poets, could really use more Amazon reviews, but it is excruciating to ask for them, so do us a favor, and if you ever like a book of poetry, note it somewhere – your blog, Goodreads, Amazon, a literary magazine, The New York Times Review of Books, whatever. The poet will be grateful!

So, it’s been snowy – check that, thundersnowy – here in Seattle. We’re supposed to have more snow later this week. I for one am sick of having super-crappy weather when we’re supposed to be having flowers and songbirds and at least the happiness of a few sunny days. Here’s a picture of the Space Needle being struck by lightning during a blizzard and my back porch if you don’t believe me. April can not come soon enough.

We took advantage of our lingering bad weather to work on taxes. And here’s what I discovered – I am NOT in poetry for the money. I spent more on poetry last year than I made. By a lot. To be fair, I thought I was dying for the majority of the year (see previous blog posts about my metastasized cancer diagnosis in February of last year), AND I went to AWP AND had a book launch, so there were more than average expenses and I wasn’t exactly out there hustling for every dollar. But sigh. It was discouraging to look at the numbers. Also, I feel a little bitter about the fact that Trump probably paid less taxes than I did last year, despite the fact that he brags about how rich he is. #poetspayingmoretaxesthanTrump – do you think that hashtag will take off?

To cheer myself up, I went out to see Ellen Bass read at SAL last night after a somewhat positive meeting with my new neurologist (this one encourages physical therapy – my two previous neurologists basically told me I was wasting my time.) (If you’re new to the blog, I have a mysterious neural lesion issue that’s affected things like my balance and motor skills – they just show up and they’re not sure why, although now they’re pretty sure it’s not MS or strokes.) I showed her the progress I’ve made and she seemed really impressed. So that was good. Seeing a lot of poetry people at the SAL event really did cheer me up – it’s really nice to be around other writers and poetry-lovers. I feel like forcing ourselves to go out even in bad weather, even when we’re not feeling great or cheerful, is good medicine for the writer soul.

I also did a class visit earlier this week via Skype, which went well and was blessedly free of technical problems, and Friday I’m going to do a reading and Q&A in Mississippi via Skype. These things make me feel cheerful too. I love interacting with students, and with readers and audiences that I might not otherwise get to see because of health issues or whatever, with technology. I like getting out there in the world, even if it’s just virtually.

Hailstorms, HWA Bram Stoker Award Finalist for Field Guide, Elgin Award Nominations, and Tapping into February Despair for Positive Actions

Kitten Sylvia’s First Hailstorm, and She Does Not Care for It!

Woke up to hailstorms (second day in a row) and a little good news: Field Guide to the End of the World made it to the finalist round in the HWA’s Bram Stoker Award! Hooray!

http://horror.org/2016-bram-stoker-awards-final-ballot/

It’s also been nominated for this year’s Elgin Award! Thank you to those who nominated it!

So if you’re a voter in either the HWA or the SFPA but have yet to see Field Guide to the End of the World for yourself, there’s  a special link here where you can download the PDF. Every vote helps! Just like in real life 🙂 Also, if you’ve read it and liked it, please put a review up on Amazon! I’d really love to see at least ten reviews up there!

February Despair, and How to Channel It

So, it’s February, and the weather’s been dreary, wetter and colder than usual, I’ve been sick for the majority of the month (it also hit my normally healthy husband) and then I knocked a tooth out Monday night which resulted in my very first crown (so $$$!) and Glenn needed thumb surgery after a kitchen accident. The news of course has been horrifying (people being asked for their papers before they’re able to get off planes; people being picked up in the middle of the night, burning the Standing Rock camp, The EPA/Russia stuff, Arizona deciding it can take your house if you plan a protest, in case you missed any of that fun.) If I check back on my blog in years past in February though, chances are I’ll be blogging about discouragement, depression, and despair, because February is the month of giving up/getting sick in the Northwest. This year everyone else across the country has been getting sunny, warm, spring-like weather, and I also had to miss AWP, which sort of made it worse! Anywhere but here…although since I’ve lived in so many places I know intellectually that each place has a downside, that this feeling will pass, that I’ll love the Northwest again (but not as long as snow is in the dang forecast! Come on, spring!)

But how to turn this February despair into something positive? Well, since I’ve been stuck at home for the most part, we’ve gotten started on the taxes, I’ve gotten started on two new articles for Poet’s Market, and I’ve been hard at work on an editing pass on the PR for Poets book, which I realized was in worse shape than I thought and needed tons more work. Isn’t that always the way? You’re so proud of yourself on the first draft, and then you look at it a few months later on the editing pass, and you’re like: “What was I thinking? This all needs to be re-written!” I’m also working on a full-length new manuscript of poetry (title still undetermined), which somehow has found itself put together since January, and I’ve been working on it a little at a time. Plus calling and writing my representatives about the various nightmare political stuff. So, to recap: being disgustingly sick and fairly discouraged/down but trying to channel this into making things better. At least when I’m not so sick I can’t even sit up or focus on the computer, which has been a good amount of time!

Sometimes being chronically ill makes me hibernate, though I’m more outgoing in nature than most writers. You just 1. want to avoid germs, either getting or spreading them 2. don’t feel you have the energy (See: The Spoon Theory from “But You Don’t Look Sick”) and 3. tend to have a more pessimistic outlook when your body physically hurts. I need to make more of an effort to socialize, to get out when I can, because we really do have a lovely poetry community here. And I found out we’re about to get our very own independent bookstore nearby in Redmond Town Center called Bricks and Mortar Books. It opens in May, and I’m excited about that! Nothing is more demoralizing than having to drive 45 minutes and pay a bridge toll to get to an indie bookstore! I will also make an effort to be a bit more active on social media until the weather turns better/my health improves. At least I can contribute that way and it’s very difficult to give anyone the flu through e-mail or the phone. Anyway, if I owe you an e-mail or phone call, please don’t hesitate to bother me!

 

Happy Valentine’s During an Apocalypse! And More Disturbing Things: AWP Disability, Politics, V-Day Bronchitis, and Fighting For the Right Mindset

Hey kids! Does it feel like the apocalypse yet? How do I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day today? How about a poem, “Post-Apocalypse Postcard (with Love Note,)” from Field Guide to the End of the World?

Or how about some pictures of my views of February nature and a recommended playlist of songs?

My playlist today? “We Found Love (in a Hopeless Place)” by Rihanna. “Love Love Love” by Avalanche City. “Wish That You Were Here” by Florence & the Machine. I recommend you play all three while reading this post!

Struggling with Mindset, Mid-February

I’m feeling a little down lately. Partly because I am really sick again, this time with pretty bad bronchitis and a sinus thing, and it’s hard to be cheerful when you’re sick. Partly because 1. I missed AWP (by the way, if you picked up either Field Guide to the End of the World or The Robot Scientist’s Daughter at AWP and post a picture for me, I’d be really grateful and mail you some swag if you want!) and 2. I heard from so many friends with disabilities that this AWP did a terrible job with accessibility (a disability caucus that required stairs? Non-accessible Accessibility Desk? Power doors that didn’t work? A lukewarm response to these problems from those in charge?) and that makes me very nervous about attending in the future, as I am mildly disabled due to those pesky neural lesions I sometimes talk about. (Sandra Beasley has a more encompassing post about this issue here.) It’s just a reminder that some things should change, but don’t. Speaking of that…

Then, you know, politics has invaded my dreams. I have actual nightmares about it almost every night. A person in charge of national security stepped down today because of possible treasonous dealings with Russia,and Trump blithely does his nuclear strategy talks in front of tourists at Mar-a-Lago. This President and his dirty team are sure unfun to watch, and I am ashamed of the Congressional Republicans unwilling to do anything about it. I used to be proud of my country. Now I feel less so, and this does not make me happy. Meanwhile, a dam actually burst in northern CA yesterday, a literal symbol of our country’s crumbling infrastructure (don’t worry, I’m sure a ton of stuff built in the sixties and seventies is in great shape! But a lot maybe isn’t! Including a lot of important stuff, like nuclear waste storage. Concrete fails after a certain amount of time…)

I also lost a beloved Uncle this week, and won’t be able to travel for the funeral – it’s on the East Coast and I’ve been given strict orders for some bedrest til I’m better so this bronchitis doesn’t turn to pneumonia again, as it did last September. He was really a lovely guy and his wife, my Aunt Charlotte, is one of my favorite people. I’m very sorry not to be there for them right now.

So I’m struggling to keep up a cheerful mindset on today, this pink-tinged holiday. I’m also attempting to write two articles, working on the edits of PR for Poets book draft that’s going way more slowly than I was hoping, and worrying that Field Guide to the End of the World isn’t selling well enough or I’m not doing enough for it because I’ve been sick pretty much the entire winter or that it hasn’t gotten enough reviews. (By the way, if you’re interested in reviewing, even just on Amazon, please let me know! PDFs are available!)

As far as writing, I’ve been writing up a storm, it seems – that day of the superbowl, I put together a first draft of my sixth poetry manuscript, and was surprised to find 50 pages there. The poems are pretty stark – cancer, of course, and death are pretty consistent themes, since those are pretty much what I was thinking about for the last year. I remember, too, it was last February around this time Glenn took me to the ER for what turned out to be food poisoning but could have been appendicitis, and then the scans turned up the liver tumors that were diagnosed then and there as terminal metastasized cancer. I got an MRA (a kind of specialized MRI) for my brain lesions last week and am awaiting more blood work for cancer markers this week (or whenever I’m up to a trip to the lab!) This kind of thing does not, just FYI, make you feel better or more cheerful. Spending a lot of time in medical offices lately – always a recipe for less cheerfulness. I tell people that having chronic health issues is a full-time job, and I am not kidding – it literally takes all the energy, time, planning, intellectual and social skills that a job does.

Meanwhile, Glenn is making a fancy Valentine’s dinner for us tonight (despite the fact that I can only sort of taste food right now) and my kitten Sylvia is snuggling fluffy by my side in bed. When I get better I’ll get to planting some blueberries and roses now that the snow (!) has melted and the weather has gotten back to somewhat normal temperatures for this time of year. I have things to be thankful for. But I’ll admit to struggling a bit with mindset and keeping a mind that isn’t filled with catastrophe. I try not to watch the news – I literally absorb too much of it without even trying, on Facebook and Twitter, and when I glance at BBC’s site each morning. “I can’t fix everything, I can’t even fix myself” says my internal voice. I try to do things that feel like they might have a positive effect on the world, on the people around me. Maybe right now that’s the best I can do: rest, restore, do what I can. So here’s wishing you Love in a Hopeless Place this Valentine’s Day. (Thanks Rihanna!)

 

Snow Days, AWP madness – tips for surviving AWP and surviving NOT going to AWP, TAB literary journal. and More

I’m writing to you from snowy – yes, snowy Seattle!

AWP!

It’s AWP week and that means madness for many writers! I’m missing this year’s conference, but since this is the first AWP appearance for my latest book…here’s where to find it!

Field Guide to the End of the World at Moon City Press at AWP – 125-T

And my previous book from Mayapple Press:

The Robot Scientist’s Daughter will be at the SPD/CLMP table at 616/618

Tips for Surviving and Thriving at AWP:

DC is an amazing beautiful city, so I hope you guys will enjoy the city and enjoy hanging out with each other in the scramble. My tips include: leaving the conference at least once to check out DC’s amazing museums (most of them free!), shops, and restaurants. Also, drink more water than you think you need to. Pack for emergencies (extra medications, cold/stomach meds, maybe one of those instant ice packs) and leave space for packing books (unless you plan to ship them home – if you carry USPS priority boxes with you, with the printed out labels of your home/office, you can ship books straight back from the hotel instead of lugging them.)  Extra lip balm. Don’t be afraid to be spontaneous – if you get invited out with great writers, go! Go to the party you happen to be invited to. Take a break if you need to (and I know a lot of us introvert/extrovert writer types need breaks to stay sane!) Don’t schedule out too much stuff, so you can have room for the surprises. Remember you have a responsibility to tell all of us who weren’t able to go all the best anecdotes when you get back!

Sandra Beasley has some good tips for you if you’re attending the DC AWP here.

http://sbeasley.blogspot.com/2017/02/so-if-youre-going-to-awp.html

TAB

I received the beautiful, design-intensive contributor’s copy of the literary journal TAB, edited by Dr. Anna Leahy (which you can also pick up at AWP!) I have two poems in one of the smaller booklets – and there are multiple booklets in this issue. Here’s what a sample page looks like, to give you an idea of the intense design elements of this journal:

Tips for Surviving NOT Going to AWP

I always like to have tips for people not attending AWP so they don’t feel like they’re entirely missing out. Of course you can follow #awp17 on Twitter or your friends on Facebook who are attending. But don’t sit around wistfully following social media. Here are some ways to build up your literary, community, wherever you are:

–Subscribe to a literary journal that’s new to you and read Poets & Writers or The Writer’s Chronicle all the way through.

–Go to your local bookstore with a decent poetry section and pick up a book just because you like the cover. Bonus points if it’s from a publisher you haven’t heard of yet.  I’m planning a visit to our local poetry-only bookstore, Open Books, to get my new book fix.

–Go to a reading. Call a literary friend on the phone or arrange to get coffee. Actual physical interaction for writers can be a wonderful thing! (I was lucky enough to get together with a couple of writer friends over the last week or so, and it was immeasurably cheering!)

–Be a little bit more of a literary activist than usual. It’s easy to get stuck in our routines, but dedicate some extra time this week. Write, submit, research, write a review on Amazon or Goodreads or for a literary magazine, and network. Write an enthusiastic e-mail to a writer you admire but have never met. Many of us could be WAY more active in our literary worlds than we are, and make a difference.

And just remember: you can practice eating too little, drinking too much and getting sleep deprived right in the comfort of your own home. and see how it affects your writing 😉 Seriously though, keep up your writing and submitting while you’re missing the big conference. You will feel more accomplished at the end of three days!

Jeannine Hall Gailey

Jeannine Hall GaileyJeannine Hall Gailey served as the second Poet Laureate of Redmond, Washington and the author of Becoming the Villainess, She Returns to the Floating World, Unexplained Fevers, The Robot Scientist’s Daughter, and winner of the Moon City Press Book Prize and SFPA’s Elgin Award, Field Guide to the End of the World.  Her latest, Flare, Corona from BOA Editions, was a finalist for the Washington State Book Award. She’s also the author of PR for Poets, a Guidebook to Publicity and Marketing. Her work has been featured on NPR’s The Writer’s Almanac, Verse Daily and The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror. Her poems have appeared in The American Poetry Review, Poetry, and JAMA.

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