What are your ambitions?

Beautiful May so far. Sun sun sun as far as the eye can see, white mountains in the distance, giant walls of pink rhododendrons blooming along neighborhood streets. Yesterday I did two things that made me think about our ambitions.
The first thing I did was visit Richard Hugo House to meet new director Tree Swenson and talk about the future of the programs and etc. One thing I noticed was besides my friend Evan Peterson (whose chapbook Hello Kitty Chainsaw I recommend) and a couple of other exceptions (including the bright young programming director Brian) the people there in the room were all older than me. A lot older. Did I mention I just turned 39, so I’m not exactly a twentysomething hipster. I thought: this place needs a new generation of champions for the future. Then I thought: that new generation should probably include me! Again, the theme of this year that keeps coming back to me seems to be, we must become the heroes we’re looking for.
After that reception, which was lovely, I got to go out to look at the views of Seattle and go out to dinner with one of my oldest friends (dating back to fifth grade!) who is now a grown-up ER doctor. She always wanted to be a doctor and help people, and now she does things like work with Haitian earthquake victims and low-income folks up in Alaska. We were talking about all the good things that our little circle of friends have become and done: one teaches self-defense to teen girls, one helps run a Chicago center for Spanish-speaking victims of domestic violence, a couple are doctors and almost all of them have achieved the things that they talked about when we were all in junior high. I, of course, wanted to be a poet. So that worked out I guess! (Even if I got a little side-tracked – a pre-med degree here, ten years as a technology manager there…)
It made me think about what we talk about when we talk about ambition. When you said when you first became a writer, “I want to get a book published,” did you have a kind of publisher in mind? Would any publisher do? Did you have an audience you really wanted to reach? When you said, “I want to teach poetry” after you got your MFA, what did you have in mind? Community college students, MFA students, high school kids? Adjuncting, or one of the ever-dwindling supply of tenure-track positions? Sometimes I think an obstacle to success is too-watery, too-non-specific goals. Do you want to be C. Dale Young (doctor/writer/editor/teacher?) or Charles Jensen (poet and arts administrator?) Who do you look up to? Who do you want to become? How much time are you willing to give it and how hard do you want to work for it? Remember: if you want your book reviewed, write some book reviews. If you want someone to help you set up a reading, be sure you’re helping others do the same. Create room in your life for the things you care about and prioritize them.
I realized talking to my old friend Kathy that one of the things I’ve been doing since I was eighteen that I really find rewarding is volunteering with teens. I’ve been working with teens in various capacities for different organizations for almost twenty years, and still find it really fun. The teens speak a different language but for the most part I can keep up. I think that for the rest of this year, part of my goal will be to do more poetry outreach to teens and college students, because when I think of who I want to be excited about poetry, that’s who I think about. They may think poetry is not for them, that it’s boring or old-fashioned, their teachers may not like poetry (since I’ve had quite a few English teachers who hated poetry come through my poetry classes at National’s MFA program…) and so their experiences will have been colored by that. How can I grow my own community here, where I live? How can I help the audience here for poetry get excited? How can I help the pre-existing poetry groups work together towards bigger, brighter goals? What is holding me back from doing more? Fear? Lack of feeling of ownership? Lack of empowerment?
As I’m looking at my near future goals, what is specific and achievable and realistic for me? I think it may be more than I originally might have thought. It’s possible that sometimes, our own ambitions are too small. Maybe we should reach higher, try to achieve more. Maybe while we were waiting for the hero to rescue us, we have unknowingly become the hero.